Author: Breegan Jane

I’ve been asked on several occasions what I consider to be my biggest personal strengths. I could name several things. However, one trait that sits at the top of my list is confidence. I haven’t always possessed it, but through life circumstances and other influences throughout the years, I’ve learned how to become my own biggest cheerleader. You can (and should), too!

Confidence Through Creativity

Being creative has definitely helped boost my personal and professional confidence. That started at a very early age for me, and it honestly began with my mother. She is truly one of my biggest influences. I’m so grateful to have had a mom who always sparked artistry in our home. Not only did she encourage it in me, but she oftentimes REQUIRED it of me!

I remember once asking my mom if I could wear high heels to school. It didn’t matter to me that I was in sixth grade, but I guess it mattered to her. She responded with a curt, flat and defiant “absolutely not!” But being the precocious child that I was, I asked if I could make my own.

“If you can make them and walk on them, you can wear them,” she replied. That was all I needed.

Did I know how to make high-heels? Not at all. However, I did want to prove that I could (and WOULD) make my heels and don them for all of my classmates to see. I searched my home until I gathered all I needed to create my shoes. Next, I found some wood blocks and dowels that I figured could function as the actual “heels” to attach to a pair of my existing shoes. I used a hammer to assemble everything, and I secured my design with duct tape for stability. The pièce de résistance for my fabulous footwear? I covered the final presentation in leopard print fabric, because style! My first signature shoes were created – all because Mom challenged me to do something creative.

I don’t remember how sturdy my heels actually were. I do remember feeling really good about myself when I finished creating, and thinking I could accomplish anything I set my mind to do. That’s a sentiment I have believed ever since.

Confidence Through Individuality

Mom’s push wasn’t the only thing that helped me boost self-confidence. Being “different” pushed my parents to help me build confidence in myself. I say “different” for many reasons. First, I was a biracial child who was transracially adopted. I grew up a brown girl with white parents. I had wiry, curly hair and a novel name with Irish roots. Yes, I stood out. Now, my parents faithfully embraced my individuality and uniqueness growing up with endless love and affection. They couldn’t, however, force others to do the same.

Nevertheless, my mom and dad encouraged me daily, it seems, to celebrate being unique instead of vying to fit in with my peers. Without fail they let me know I was a beautiful flower, and that I was worthy of respect from everyone. Even when I struggled in school because of dyslexia and Attention Deficit Disorder, my parents never demonized my challenges. They helped me embrace the fact that I was intelligent, even though I learned differently from others. With the right support systems, I thrived and began to believe in myself more. These experiences taught me not to villainize internal or external parts of me that were different. Rather, I learned to make them stepping stones to my various successes throughout my teenage and adult years.

 Finding Your Confidence

These are just a couple of paths that I traveled on my journey to building confidence. The key tenets I hope you gain from my experiences are simple. First, know that your differences are your assets. Cherish them, nurture them, and believe in them. From there, know that you can take any situation or circumstance and create your own narrative.

We all have a purpose in this life. If someone else was meant to live your story, you’d be relegated to another character. Be you. Be the truest version of you. Someone a little further behind you is hoping to walk a little taller because of the trail you’ve blazed. Go confidently toward all life has for you. The world needs that little something special you and I both have to offer. Ready? Of course you are. See you on the way up!

Here’s how the Cambridge Dictionary defines “support”: to agree with and give encouragement to someone or something because you want him, her, or it to succeed. Have you ever considered how YOU define the word?  We all would like to think of ourselves as supportive people, especially where our friends are concerned. But are we truly supporting our friends without qualification?

Whether it be our family structures, level of education or socio-economic status, our needs will contrast from one household to the next. Sometimes, support looks like extending a loving ear, shoulder or hand, even when our friends choose to handle situations dissimilarly from the way we would. That’s often easier said than done.

Strength, Solace and Security

Do we even need to talk about the wild ride that was 2020? I think not. But if you’re like me, you didn’t need a worldwide pandemic to have a full and active life. I’m a single mom of two young children, a TV personality and full time interior designer and entrepreneur. That doesn’t even begin to include my personal life or philanthropic efforts. Needless to say, I’m BUSY. At the helm of a successful business, I quickly learned the power of (and need for) delegation. I simply cannot do it all, all of the time. This is why support from my family, friends and professional team is so key.

I put people in place whom I trust to be capable and competent in their respective fields of expertise to aid in areas where I need it most. It allows me to be a better mom, a better boss and a better friend. When we give our support to our friends, we’re essentially saying to them, “I see you, I love you, and I am here for you.” If our friends are choosing to handle a circumstance in a manner we aren’t accustomed to (albeit responsibly), our job is not to judge. It’s to simply support. Those three “I” statements above? They mean the world to all of us when we need them most.

A Particular Perspective

Because of my particular career trajectory, my lifestyle may not always look like other moms, women or people that some might compare me to. However, that’s not the only reason why my life and choices might stand out as unique. I’m a biracial woman who was transracially adopted and lives in one of the most diverse states in the United States. I spend a great deal of my work life doing media appearances, and I’ve been working since I was a toddler.

All of these factors contribute to the perspective with which I approach life. Your set of factors will vary from mine, and the next person’s from yours. Supporting our friends means remembering that the way we live our lives is largely impacted by our innate and environmental circumstances.

Different Doesn’t mean Detrimental

Fun fact: I don’t cook. It just isn’t my thing. I do, however, enjoy a delicious meal. that said, I have great respect for all the people who are masterful in the kitchen, as well as the love that can be shared through the art of cooking. Designing residential kitchens and commercial ones is one thing; I just don’t cook in them! My family’s diet and health are important to me, so I use meal prep and meal delivery services often. To someone who loves cooking, that may seem odd, but it works for my family, and that’s what matters to me.

I choose to supplement my sons’ traditional learning with alternative methods in order to accommodate their needs and my unorthodox schedule. I have friends who have chosen to adhere to a strict “computer-at-a-desk” learning style. Both are equally fine, and effective. I have had countless conversations with friends and colleagues about traveling with my kids. It’s always funny to watch their mouths drop open when I share with them that I’ve successfully traveled as far as Spain with my (at the time) very young children. So many people say that they wouldn’t dare take a child that far or to a location most associate with relaxation and fun. Ibiza is one of my favorite locales in the world, and I love that my boys have an opportunity to have those experiences alongside their mother.

Again, my choices might differ from yours, but different doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Supporting our friends means leaving the judgment and often the unsolicited advice at the door. We’re all making decisions that will make our lives better, and isn’t that the goal after all?

Understanding is an Understatement

Now that we’ve acknowledged that we often unintentionally pass judgment on those who live and choose differently than we do, how do we change that in order to be a true support? First, we need to examine our own biases. So much of what we find and believe to be “acceptable” is based on how we grew up. I was taught about money from a young age. My parents instilled in me the value of it, the requirement to work hard for it, and the responsibility of handling it wisely. As a result, I work hard, and sometimes I treat myself and my family to simple luxuries that may feel grand to someone who isn’t familiar with my backstory.

If you have a connection to your faith that governs what roles look like in a marriage, someone more liberal might have values that completely clash with yours. Our friends are still friends even if they don’t react to situations the same as we do. Our choices don’t make us better or worse, they make us…authentic. That shouldn’t be shunned. It should be celebrated.

People say that children don’t come into the world with an instruction manual. Well, life doesn’t give us one for adult affairs either. We need our friends. We need their support and love now more than ever before. When the going gets tough, I might choose to hunker down, and you might choose to flee. However, we both want the same thing: comfort, safety, compassion and understanding. Unconditional love means supporting our friends whether we can empathize with exactly what they’re enduring or not. I’m hoping we can all do that from a place of tenderness and grace as we tackle life’s ups and downs.

Join me, won’t you?

The accomplishments of Black Americans push me to do and be my best every day. They become even more of an imperative as I consider those accomplishments during Black History Month. African-Americans have contributed so much to the developed world as we know it, and so many have influenced who I am as a professional and biracial woman. One person that has had an indelible impact on me, both personally and professionally, is Madam C.J. Walker. Her dedication to her business and personal development, despite the many setbacks she faced, embodies all I hope to be as a driven woman and entrepreneur.

A Persevering Woman

From the first moments of researching and getting to know Madam Walker,  born Sarah Breedlove, I admired her resilience. Though she was the first of her siblings (and parents) to be born free, she was orphaned at age seven. She went to live with her older sister but ran away because of her abusive brother-in-law. Walker married at age 14 and was a widowed mother by the age of 20. Even as she matured and moved on in life, she started her business with $1.05 to her name. I simply cannot imagine.

Throughout her life, Madam Walker exemplified strength and determination. And hers was no ordinary strength. To rise from life’s ashes and circumstances as a black woman in America during the late 1800s was more than a notion. This era saw the rise of the Ku Klux Klan and a social push to demean black Americans as second class citizens. Yet, Walker remained focused on providing a better life for her daughter and herself. I think about her life’s trajectory, and I recognize so much of her drive in me.

Our experiences are very different, but I realize that life will deal all of us hands that we may not feel equipped to play. I know I felt that way. Nevertheless, it’s important to realize we all have an inner strength deep inside of us that we can channel. It is bigger than the circumstances that surround us. What’s more, it allows us to see beyond our present and strive for our future. That “something” within us can even help us use our negative circumstances for our good, which Madam Walker absolutely did.

The “Better Business” Woman

Madam C.J. Walker is best known for her hair care products that made her the first self-made female millionaire in America. She got the idea after dealing with a scalp disorder herself (and practically losing all of her hair). By creating a process that included scalp preparation, hair pomades (that she made) and hot iron combs, Madam Walker’s products and methods revolutionized the Black hair care industry.

But she didn’t stop there. Madam Walker began her business selling her products herself. As the business grew, she switched her distribution plan and began employing “Walker Agents.” These agents were sales associates and beauticians who sold her products. They also promoted her philosophy of “cleanliness and loveliness” to Walker’s patrons as a means of advancing Black Americans’ social status.

And she didn’t stop there! Madam Walker became a serious social activist and philanthropist. She created educational scholarships for African-American students and created clubs and organizations for her agents. Further, Madam Walker made significant donations to the NAACP, various homes for the elderly, and many more organizations that positively impacted the lives of Black Americans.

If you’ve been following my career, it will be EVIDENT why Madam C.J. Walker is one of my heroes. She saw a need and created a solution to help herself and generations of women to come after her. And, I love that she was a woman who gave of herself and her resources whenever she could. Madam Walker even donated two-thirds of her estate to charity after she passed away. Her heart was purely one of a philanthropist and entrepreneur, and my drive parallels those ideals to a tee. I cherish her life and story, and I hope to emulate it throughout my journey.

There’s so much more to learn about Madam C.J. Walker. I encourage you to watch Self-Made, the movie made about her life, to discover more about this amazing woman, entrepreneur and icon of Black History. You won’t be disappointed.

It’s so strange to think about, but the 2020 holiday season is now upon us. With all the strangeness and negativity this year has brought, it’s hard to consider what “cheer” will look like for so many. I doubt that gift ideas are on anyone’s mind right now. I totally get that. Life is happening for so many of us in such a real way. 

Even though this year has been a bit of a dumpster fire, no one has canceled our fourth quarter holidays. The last big holidays of the year may be the emotional turnaround many of us have needed since March. While I hope malls and stores won’t be packed like years past (because social distancing), I do think this year will provide an opportunity to think differently about giving this year. 

THE GIFT OF CONNECTION

So many of us haven’t been able to actually see and spend time with our loved ones for several months. Social distancing guidelines have us rethinking our gathering plans due to health concerns. They also have us operating out of an abundance of caution. That’s likely not something that will change drastically in the coming holiday months. Consider simple but heartfelt gift ideas this year. For example, think about new ways to connect with those you haven’t seen in a while. Programs like Zoom, Skype, Facetime, etc are a great way to link up with people virtually. We use many of those every day for business reasons. It can be a different experience when you use them for conversations with loved ones.

Consider ideas like setting up a computer, phone or webcam in a key place during the holiday dinner or gathering time in your house. Screen mirror the device to the TV for easier viewing on a larger screen. This way, you can have dinner in YOUR home, and your aunts, grandparents and friends can do the same in theirs. Everyone can socialize and interact safely with no risk of infection.

Smart home assistant devices like Google Home or Amazon Echo now allow people to make phone calls. They eliminate the need to gather around a phone or pass one around (with germy hands) to have family conversations. These gift ideas are the next best thing to being able to physically be with your family members.  

THINK THOUGHTFULLY

I’ll never try to convince you that people won’t always want the latest iPhone or newest gaming console. Capitalism and consumerism will always exist. After all, “holidays” and “presents” are practically synonymous in this country. With so many people out of work or low in spirit, gift ideas should take on a new meaning. This year’s focus should be on extremely thoughtful giving. 

Think about giving loved ones items that truly tap into what they might need right now. Do you have a grandparent in a nursing home? Going for long periods of time without seeing their families can take a serious toll on them. Think about gift ideas like a digital photo frame that you can update from afar. We’re all used to taking a quick selfie and texting it right away, but our older relatives may or may not be technologically savvy. With a gift like this one, your relative gets the familiar comfort of a traditional frame, but you can send them a new photo of their grandson, the family pet, a vacation photo or new engagement every single day! They won’t have to miss out on family events anymore.

There’s no one definition of “thoughtful” this holiday season. The key is letting your loved ones know that you know them very well, and that you’re keen on what would tend to their emotional well-being. If you have a cold-natured loved one, there are a host of cozy blankets that can be customized with personal photos on them. Trust me: it will bring a smile to YOUR face knowing they’ll associate being wrapped up in warmth with a visual memory of people that really care about them. Do you have a friend that’s all about binging movies and TV? They will absolutely love a digital download of a favorite movie, or a box set of a season of a favorite show. The possibilities are endless, as long as you take the time to really put thought into the gift ideas for the people you cherish this holiday.

SELF-CARE BOOST

This entire year has taken a toll on the global society. Mental wellness has been a priority for us all (or at least they should be). With everything going on, various emotions can make it hard to “can” some days. This holiday, consider gift ideas that cater to boosting self-care for friends and family.

For the days when people simply can’t be motivated to cook or think about preparing meals, Postmates, meal delivery or other subscription services can be really great stocking stuffers. They’re convenient and are handy for days when life and/or home circumstances are too much to deal with. You can lend a virtual hand at any time with a gift idea such as this.

The pandemic and isolated living have activated anxiety, depression and insomnia in many people. If your loved one deals with any of these, consider weighted blankets as a gift. They’re scientifically proven to help ground the body and reduce the production of cortisol, the primary stress hormone. Other great gift ideas include adult coloring books, anxiety journals, or soothing teas with a tea kettle. Candles, aromatherapy diffusers and lavender-based bath soaps are known to help with insomnia. What better gift of comfort could you give than nights of relaxing rest this holiday? 

No one knows what we will be experiencing in the days and months ending the year 2020. Now more than ever, there is a need to care for and consider each other like never before. It is my goal for the upcoming holiday season, and I know your loved ones would appreciate that you considered their heart with yours. No matter what you decide to do with and for friends and family this holiday, take time this year to let them know just how much they mean to you.