Author: Breegan Jane

I have a confession to make. I’ve struggled with it before, but I’ve come to terms with it, at least in this area of parenting. I lie to my kids. I think it’s healthy to do so, especially when it comes to protecting them from some harsh realities of my divorce from their father. I’ve come to realize that many parents may not agree with how I handle this with my boys. I’m writing about this today to hopefully bring some clarity and justification for my rationale.

They Aren’t Ready

As adults, we experience real emotions, both positive and negative, and process them as such. We can be angry, sad, disappointed about something and later process the “why” of it all. Plus, we’re able to not give our emotions power beyond the moment and process them within the bigger picture. We can make sense of it all, possibly forgive and move on.

Children don’t have those skills yet. They may not develop these critical thinking skills until later in life. If you hand off to them your anger towards the other parent, they may not be able to understand how minor or major the circumstances were. Because we don’t often see how big the “real” effects truly are in the moment, we may not see the impact of our responses or words until our kids are much older and have the language to describe it.

In a nutshell, you wouldn’t give your infant child a piece of steak to eat; they can’t digest it. It’s not appropriate for their age. You would give them milk or formula, or whatever they can digest. Likewise, consider choosing to give your kids the story about their father that they can handle at their ages. They can’t process dad’s shortcomings the way you can, and it isn’t worth risking damaging a future relationship they can have with their father. I see that relationship as a potential building block for healthy children, especially since I have boys. Protecting kids in this way is extremely important.

Self-perception is Powerful

Research has shown that children identify with half of each of their parents. In essence, speaking negatively about a child’s dad equates to speaking negatively about them internally. I would NEVER want my sons to view themselves negatively because of my words. This keeps me striving for the relationship I want them to have later on versus my emotions now.

Protecting kids means being careful about the ideas children absorb, especially about both of their parents. Because there’s a divorce involved and they spend most of their time with me, I realize their self-image most likely starts as a reflection of my words. They look to mom and dad to help form their views on the world, whatever those may be at their ages. I have to be careful with the ideas I give to my boys regarding who their parents are. Those ideas may be the seeds of who they feel they are or will become.

Divorcees often have to deal with a co-parent that sometimes disappoints their children. While that can be infuriating, try to remember that parent is still “dad” to them. He’s still a hero to them. Remembering that can be tough when you can see all of the chinks in his armor. It’s a HUGE act of selflessness. Nevertheless, allowing your ex to retain his status to your children has the potential to have so many amazing benefits as they become healthy adults. I choose to set aside some very real and very valid feelings about what really happens when my sons’ dad is absent. The goal isn’t to expose the offending parent; the goal is to raise healthy children. So sure…daddy isn’t here because he’s “working.” True or false, it works for them. For now.

Remember the Goal

I read a wise quote that spoke on giving our kids childhoods that they don’t have to heal from. That’s really the goal, and that’s why I’m not going to bad-mouth their dad. We parents have the all-important job of protecting our children. Yes, that does include the basics of food, safety and protecting them from running into traffic. However, in 2020, there is a much-needed emphasis on mental and emotional health, and that also starts at home. That’s where they develop their first impressions of what love looks like. You, parent, facilitate that, be it healthy or unhealthy.

Don’t get me wrong: absorbing the pain is not negating the reality of pain. You’re not pushing aside your feelings as if they’re not real (missed commitments, lack of involvement) – all are real and you have every right to feel that way. By no means should you feel you don’t have the right to have those feelings. However, as you navigate the co-parenting experience, focus on protecting kids from the extremely sensitive details and potential feelings that they have to choose one or the other.

I think it’s a wise decision to put the desires of the future you want them to have ahead of your feelings in the present. Besides, I firmly believe kids will grow and start to see the impact for themselves. As they develop and mature, they will inevitably start to form their own opinions. You’ll then be able to meet and talk with them on a level that their feelings without vilifying the other parent.

Until then, though, keep your eyes on the prize: protecting kids in a way that simply lets them be kids. No worries, no worldly cares or heaviness that we adults deal with. Just…let the kids be kids.

Let’s be honest: things are weird. The COVID-19 quarantine has everybody a little bit on edge, and the world is kind of…upside down. If you’re a parent, specifically a mom, you understand that kids add an entirely new layer to this whole quarantine situation! We moms are doing a little (or a lot) of everything at all times of the day and night. It’s an interesting time indeed, but we will survive, moms!

Happy Hour?

My friend Rory Uphold continues to give me new reasons to be proud. She’s a brilliant, funny and talented actor (it doesn’t hurt that she’s also pretty cute!) and she’s been spreading joy across the world wide web with her Recipes For Disaster video series. The latest one features a drink called “Please Take My Kids,” better known as a gin fizz. And really, don’t we all need a drink from time to time right now? LOL. Rory’s bartending doesn’t exactly go off without a hitch in the clip. Let’s just say she gets a *tiny* taste of what it can be like to be a mom and do anything else at the same time. Check out the video to see what I mean.

The Best Medicine

Laughter is a big part of how we get through this. I’d like to challenge everyone to find a bright spot in every day. I’m not talking about toxic positivity. No one will feel good every single day, and maybe not even every week. We will inevitably have our tough moments, and perhaps you’ll need a glass of Rescue Rosé wine from time to time. I’m reminding you that even on our worst days, we’re still here, and that’s something. 

These are moments in time. You and me? We will survive this moment. If you can hold onto that, the battle is already won. If you can laugh at the ridiculous, and trust me, there will be much of it, you’re heading towards gold star territory.

Saving Grace

For moms who are being reminded by the quarantine that their multitasking skills and patience are both a little rusty, well, luckily there’s grace for that. That’s the key. Give yourself the grace to be a human wading through uncharted territory. You have never had to do this before. Remind yourself that NONE of us have ever done this before. You might be a seasoned pro of a mom, but quarantined-stay-at-home-mom-in-toddler-combat you are not. I assure you that nobody has the instruction manual on how to navigate this perfectly. Grace is not just helpful; it’s essential. Again, we will survive this. 

Grapes That Do Good

I mentioned Rescue Rosé earlier, and I would be remiss if I didn’t share more about this tasty vino and thoughtful company! Nola Singer is a fashion stylist in LA with a passion for animal rescue. Her Rosé isn’t just delicious, it benefits animals in need! Proceeds from a portion of every bottle sold go to Love Leo Rescue, an organization that saves thousands of dogs and finds them forever homes. Unwind with a glass today, and help a pup in need at the same time. See? Your multitasking skills are already improving! *wink*

Hang in there everyone. We will survive this. All of it. See you on the other side!

I have single mom adventures every day with my littles. Some are more significant than others, but a recent experience really took me by surprise. I overheard a family friend talking to my six-year-old about an item this person wanted to purchase but couldn’t spend the money at the moment. Out of the blue, my son says, “Well, mommy can buy it for you!” So many thoughts immediately ran through my mind. Since then, I’ve had more comforting thoughts about that situation and the subconscious notion of female empowerment I hope is building in my kids’ minds.

Changing norms

I was initially shocked to hear my son volunteer finances (that weren’t his) to others. I knew his heart was in the right place, though. Kingsley is and has always been a generous, kind-natured kid, even as a toddler. It’s why, when the shock of his “offer” wore off and I had time to think about it, I smiled at his suggestion and the situation.

My son’s first thought in that scenario was ‘mommy can get whatever it is that’s needed.’ It demonstrated his picture of financial security, one that doesn’t rely on a man or a father being in the house. Societies around the world have traditionally presented a different narrative. The masses generally believe that men are the expected breadwinners and earners, particularly with families. We have all seen that in television storylines throughout the years. I live my life in a way that I hope changes that perspective for my boys. Thankfully, it seems to be working.

Modern motherhood and womanhood are extremely multidimensional. They incorporate and look like different things for different family units. Yet, many women are intentionally held back because some men find powerful women intimidating. Women aren’t always given the same (fair) opportunities because of unfounded, biased notions of being weaker or not as competent. I love that my son knew in that moment his entrepreneurial single mom provides for him.

Sprouting Seeds

There’s such a sense of pride in that. It’s empowering! This is why I do what I do. I want to provide for my children and have what they want/need. More than that, I want them to grow up with their definition of “womanhood” being vast, all-inclusive and powerful. I want them to know a home full of love with a single parent is not deficient, and that a single mom can successfully bear the same financial responsibilities a two-parent home has.

It’s my desire that my sons grow up to be young men who appreciate powerful women. Not only that, but I hope they will also put themselves in positions to empower women, should the opportunity arise. I do what I do because I hope to have boys who won’t be surprised at women who are strong, competent earners in positions of power and influence. They will have seen it first hand!

Something as simple as “mommy can buy it for you” lets me know they see me as capable. It’s evidence of seeds I’ve been planting. I saw a glimpse of my son sprouting. The future looks bright when our little girls feel empowered to do all they want to do, but it looks so much brighter when I think about their male counterparts cheering them on and supporting them as powerful allies.

I once dreamed of a time when women would truly be considered equal to men. My son’s very candid, impromptu declaration was a testament to that future happening much sooner rather than later. That thought brings the biggest smile to my face. So yes, Kingsley, mommy absolutely can.

Life gets really hectic. Wouldn’t it be great to have an extra set of hands to help get things done around the house sometimes? I’m here to tell you that those extra hands are available to you! Only…they’re not hands. They’re service and delivery companies. These easy subscription service options can help you and your family out with everyday needs. Here are a few time-saving services that I use and recommend.

Food Services

Cooking is a passion for many people. I’m not one of them. Thankfully, there are so many easy subscription services when it comes to meal preparation. All it will take is finding one you like online and checking out the menu options. You will be able to see which services offer meals that sound good for your family. It’s also great that there are a host of options that accommodate dietary restrictions or preferences. So no matter if you prefer keto, paleo, vegan or pescatarian options, there’s a meal prep service for you!

I’ve found a great service that works for my family and schedule. Go Methodology is perfect for my boys and me. I love that this company takes meal prep a step further and actually sends a cooked meal ready to warm up! No cooking needed! This saves me so much time, which is the most valuable commodity in life to me. The meals are extremely delicious, and they’re also kid-friendly (read: my boys devour them)! I also really appreciate that their packaging (ice packs, insulated liners, glass jars) are reusable and recyclable. If you’re looking for an easy subscription service for various meals in the day, this is a great one.

Clothing

I do a great deal of online shopping for clothing items, but my recent favorite has to be Zappos. Yes, they’re typically known for their selection of shoes. However, I use Zappos because of how easy it is to find really cute clothes!

Zappos has practically every type of item anyone could think of, and they cater to everyone in the family. They have a great selection of “mommy and me” outfits, which allows me to join in on the fashion fun! I really enjoy their kids selection, and I’ve worn many dresses that look as stylish as anything in other high-end fashion stores. Their delivery service is super easy and convenient, which is a great help for a busy mom like me. For the affordability and durability of their selection, I definitely stand behind the Zappos brand.

Home Essentials

I have to give another nod to Amazon for its “Subscribe & Save” program. It’s a perfect and easy subscription service for keeping home essentials stocked. Subscribe & Save is a recurring delivery option that ships products you choose. From batteries and detergent to pet food and paper towels, Amazon has it all. All you have to do is pick the quantity and frequency of the recurring deliveries. That’s it! You will have peace of mind that you’ll never run out of those items, and you can stop or pause your subscription at any time. You’ll save time and mental space knowing you’ll always have what you need.

These are just a few easy subscription services that save me SO much time during the week and month. You can find more on-demand services to explore that can help you out every day. I recommend you search out some that are available in your area and work for your schedule!

Do you use any other subscription services? I’d love to find out what you like, and what’s working for you! Let me know in the comments!

The world loves babies. Parents and parents-to-be love conceptualizing their nurseries. Giddy parents obsess over colors, furniture choices and thematic elements that will create their little one’s environment. I’m such a fan of all of this. However, when it comes to interior design and kids room decor, I want to challenge the idea of what a nursery should be.

Many new parents don’t really think about what their kid’s room will be after they get older. (Newsflash – they WILL get and grow older.) As a mom and interior designer, I realize that I get more bang for my buck–and sanity–when I look to incorporate interior design in kids’ rooms that can grow with them. Here are a few considerations and tips I’ve found that can help save parents money, time and mental space!

Reconsider Color for the Nursery

Baby blue, light pink, sunshine yellow. Those are pretty much the traditional options that have been used for nurseries throughout the years. While those colors may still be appropriate for, say, baby gender reveals, they may confine your child’s room to a more toddler feel. That can be problematic when your baby gets older.

When considering colors for your kid’s room decor, opt for sophisticated color palettes. Shades of mauve or lavender tend to age much better than pastel pink. Plus, with those colors or the likes of teal or periwinkle, you can have more fun accessorizing with bolder colors like purple or navy. These colors and color combinations are appropriate no matter what age a child is.

Also, don’t be afraid to use neutral colors like black, white and grey. These are also perfect for incorporating pops of color. They have the added bonus of clashing less with the rest of your home. Your kids room decor will complement your home and your child’s maturity as they get older. Whatever your color choice, here’s a good rule of thumb: if you can picture your kid as a tween being pleased with the color selection, you’re on the right track!

Storage is Essential for Kids Rooms

Space is so important in any nursery, so storage will be essential in designing your kids room decor. Moms will need space for diapers, baby wipes, onesies, pacifiers, toys, etc. In an effort to contain and control the visual aesthetic of the room, an elevated kids room should make sure storage has double duty performance.

For example, there are a number of ottoman options that come in all shapes, sizes and colors for baby nurseries. They are fashionable as well as functional. Use it for your baby essentials while kids are infants, toy storage when they become toddlers, and extra seating when they become pre-teens. It’s a perfect room accent that provides versatility over the years.

When considering storage options in your kids room decor, shift your thinking–literally. This is a great time to take a lesson from more densely populated cities like New York. Because the general landscape is short on space, buildings get taller, not more spread out. Likewise, if you’re short on space or want to design more conservatively, design up, not out. Every inch matters, so think vertically. Stackable storage will allow you to house baby blankets for your baby and photos or books as your child grows into their teenage years.

Sophisticated Furniture

Duality is the name of the game when considering furniture in your kids room decor. Rocking chairs, for example, hold a lot of charm when we think of putting babies to sleep. However, you can always expand the definition of what a rocker is and looks like in your nursery with the many available choices.

It’s hard to imagine a typical nursery without a dedicated rocking chair. Whether modern glider or more traditional rocking chair style, consider selecting a piece with a sophisticated flair that can go in other places in the home as kids grow up and age. But remember: you want a chair that will look good in the space and have longevity for years to come. Choose chairs that will be comfortable for parents and grandparents to rock the newborn now, and comfortable seating for the older kid later. If you are wise in incorporating furniture that’s versatile and aesthetically pleasing, you will have an easier time finding a home for it in any place in your home, if you so choose.

There are so many design options for you to consider for your nursery. But before you create a room solely for a baby or infant, consider what your child’s room will look like in 5-10 years. Think bigger with your kids room decor, and save yourself a significant amount of time, energy and exorbitant design costs.

In this current crazy climate of endless TikTok dances, most parents are finding that even their older kids are having difficulty walking through stores without improvised dance moves. My energetic kids are young and not yet obsessed with social media apps. However, their boundless energy still stretches me as a parent. It’s become so habitual, in fact, that I started calling them my “wiggly bears.” Throughout the seemingly constant reminders to calm down a little, I learn more about them and myself every day. I wanted to discuss just a few things I’ve learned about managing and even appreciating my kids’ abundance of energy.

Creating positive distractions

Energetic kids have a way of turning normal activities into rambunctious ones. Simply putting on their shoes in my home can turn into a three-ring circus sometimes. I’ve learned to turn regular activities into contests. It works WONDERS!!

The next time you have toys strewn around the playroom, challenge your kids to see who can put toys in the chest or baskets the quickest. Start the contest with a “ready-set-GO!”, a watch or timer, and as much excitement as you can muster. Trust me – they will follow your lead and treat clean-up like an Olympic sprint! This works with putting shoes on, getting strapped into car seats, you name it. Make something a competition, and watch your kids focus on winning like never before – in a way that channels their energy AND gives you some mental respite.

Redirecting their energy

The really great thing about kids is that they generally love to please their parents. Redirecting energetic kids, whether verbally or physically, is a great way to channel their actions towards more positive ones. Also, doing this regularly may create new systems of thinking and understanding for them.

Let’s say, for example, your wiggly bear loves to jump, all around the house. But, jumping on the couch is a no-no. Instead of getting angry, redirect your kid to a specific place in the house to jump. Create an imaginary “bounce square” in the playroom or other place they spend lots of time. You may even want to participate with them in the special space to encourage the activity. Because Mommy or Daddy does it with them, kids may be more apt to follow their lead. You, awesome parent, get to set the example!

Choosing your battles

Listen, parents. There’s always going to be a place for healthy discipline. Different situations require different responses. I get that. On a regular basis, kids with a lot of energy usually don’t hurt anyone. Why get worked up over a kid simply being a kid?

Kids naturally have a lot of energy. It’s healthy that they do! (Many of us moms are envious of that, actually!) When it comes to your energetic kids, you’re going to have to choose what hill you want to die on. Would you prefer to have an over-energetic kid or a sullen one? Isn’t it better to know your kids are bouncy and happy? I think so. Deep down, I think most parents would.

I’ll admit it is extremely frustrating when my boys are on energy level 1,000 and I need them to be at 2. But, I’m also guilty of telling my boys they’re growing up too fast. I realize there may come a day when I want to hear little feet running around my home, and they won’t be there. So yes, I have little wiggly bears. I’ve learned (and am still learning) to tame it when necessary, and appreciate that my energetic tikes are enjoying their little lives to the fullest.