Author: manager

I recently had lunch with a professional acquaintance who, during the conversation, asked me some pretty interesting questions about myself. I thought I was simply answering questions, but I found out my lunch companion was receiving a serious “Breegan education”. It dawned on me that there may be some friends and readers who also may be curious about some parts of the real Breegan. The questions and answers below are a result of that lunch conversation. Check it out, and get to know Breegan a little better!

If you could peer into the future and see your sons, what’s the one lesson you hope they would have learned from you and embraced as their own?

I really hope that they are ambitious. I have no idea what their ambitions will be, but I hope that they advocate for themselves, test their own limits and go after something in life. I know that I’m that way; I am not afraid to take on too much and fail at it, but it’s something I have to keep reminding myself to do. Nothing comes without trying, and I hope they embrace that in their life’s endeavors.

Do you see any of your mother’s attributes or mothering styles in your own parenting?

Yes, and I get so mad when I see her! 😉 I find myself doing the things she did or saying the things she said to me. So yeah, she’s there everyday! My mom is very artistic, and I always revert back to things that she said or did that I really appreciate. I also see that many of the things that I care about are things that my mom valued and instilled in me as a kid. I may not have valued those things as a kid, but I definitely have a high regard for them as a mother.

Is there anything about how you’ve handled motherhood that has surprised you?

When I first came home with Kingsley, I did a lot of research about parenting topics and styles. I always felt that I knew that I would be a good mom, but I didn’t know that I would handle all of the “unknowns” as instinctively as I did. During the first three days that Kingsley was home, he would wail for no reason at all. I took him and applied the recipe of things that I had studied about getting babies to settle. That, along with a little “mommy whispering” in his ear, and he was calm instantly. I shocked my own mother, but I honestly shocked myself a little! I realized I was actually really good at being a mom!

Kids are typically finicky eaters; when your boys don’t want to eat what you cook, what’s the failsafe food or dish that always works in your home?

My boys love berries: raspberries, blueberries…they’ll eat them all day. But here’s the honest reason why my boys love eating fresh fruits and vegetables: I don’t cook. I can’t boil water. So fresh avocado, mango and other organic produce are a natural part of their diet. There’s a big part of that reality that I appreciate; they adapted to healthier eating very early in life. Kingsley loves hummus, and he’ll eat kale chips before he will touch a french fry. Of course they’re picky, but they’re not picky about typical kid foods.

Okay, so I don’t cook, but I’d love to know the dinnertime crowd favorites in your home. What do your kids crave? Let me know in the comments below!

Ask any mom what her hopes and dreams are for her children, and something having to do with their future success can likely be found near the top of her wish list. As we know, this is largely linked to development which encompasses more psychological arenas than we have time to cover in a single blog entry. One of the major infant and toddler milestones concerns language development. How many of us engaged with our tiny tots and frequently pondered what their first word would be? Many mothers allow all the child development literature out there to scare them into believing something is wrong when their child doesn’t speak exactly on cue at a certain month or year, but I think most of us can agree that there’s no “one size fits all” when it comes to your kid’s growth.

Watching your baby grow into this little being with a personality all his own is exciting. Every stage brings something different, and often you could never predict what will come next. For example, I once had a boss who had twin girls. I got to know his family well while working with him, and I found his interaction with his children intriguing. He addressed them by their names and spoke in complete, adult sentences to them all the time. I often wondered how anyone could look at their cute little faces and not immediately launch into a bunch of “ooh’s”, “ahh’s” and “goo-goo gah-gah” talk. Not this parent; he was deliberate about speaking in plain english and had absolutely no reservations about it. His girls at age 4 had amazing vocabularies, and I thought it was incredible. I made a promise to myself: “When I have children, I’m doing that too!” It’s safe to say I failed to keep my word on that one.

There’s just something about babies! Those cherubic-faced, bright eyed, squishy-bodied cuties elicit this reflexive response when you lay eyes on them and all of a sudden find yourself reduced to a pile of mush! I don’t know what it is, but it almost feels instinctual – so much so that I decided I needed to just trust it.

The verdict is still out on baby talking to infants and young children. Experts are split on their opinions about the good or harm it will do. One school of thought believes that there is nothing wrong with baby talk, while the other believes it has the ability to stunt linguistic growth. It’s critical that before we dive into my personal theory, we differentiate between baby talk and what’s known as “Parentese” or “Motherese”. Baby talk is stringing a bunch of nonsensical and unintelligible sounds together. Motherese is more of a sing-songy speech with elongated vowels and high pitched voice. The musical tone of the language, usually paired with exaggerated facial movements, plays a big role in helping grab the baby’s attention and form connections with mom. Though the sound is different from that which you’d hear in a normal adult conversation, the words are comprehensible. Researchers who favor motherese believe it helps greatly with language acquisition because it encourages babbling. Babies who babble are one step closer to speaking, so it’s a promising indicator!

When kids are a bit older and out of the infancy stage, you can be a bit more creative with the way you verbally interact with them. I remember telling Kingsley to “use your words” repeatedly, but kids at that age don’t always have the language to express themselves.

I don’t think there’s one sole strategy that will ensure your kid will have an expansive vocabulary, and I’m not sure choosing either side will be harmful, either. I believe the key is in pointing all efforts towards the development of several areas of the brain. I can tell you that I talk to my children and make an intentional choice to use words that will increase the dictionary in their little mental rolodexes. However, I also make it a point to do things with them like watching animal planet videos and playing around with my DJ software programs. I’m finding that many of their words come from experiences and exposure as well as convos with mom.

Adults sometimes assume that children aren’t aware, simply because they aren’t using language yet. This is perhaps one of the biggest mistakes to make, because most children are like little sponges perceiving everything in their surroundings. You can’t always tell what they’re grasping or what their brilliance will become until much later. Whether you choose to give into the intrinsic baby talk delivery or go with the more calculated Motherese, cultivating your child’s skillset is a process you’ll find you have to figure out day by day. As you unveil all this world has to offer, your children will undoubtedly amass not only strong linguistics, but maturity in experiences along the way, as well.

So many things came as a surprise for me upon having my first kid. One of the most fascinating aspects about being a mom was the automatic induction into this club, this sort of members-only mommy union where we share classified information through conversation about our own lives. All of a sudden, whether I was on a playground, at the beach or in a boutique, another mom walking around with her kid would somehow find me and strike up a conversation, and we’d inevitably end up talking about our children in some way or another. It’s just what moms do. We talk about our kids! It’s funny, though: in all of the topics most likely to be mentioned, I can usually bet that “discipline” won’t be one of them.

It’s simply too polarizing. Most moms have strong views on discipline and what it means for their families. There’s the issue of spanking or electing not to spank. Then there are the various parenting gurus selling their own trademarked brands of discipline. If you’re not getting an earful from a family member on the subject, you’re being inundated with the numerous books on the bestseller list discussing it. In short, there will never be a shortage of information or advice regarding the subject of discipline. Unfortunately, all information isn’t good information; even when it’s good information, it won’t necessarily work for your child. After all, disciplinary methods must be as diverse as the children they seek to help. So where does that leave me? Well, after much exploration and experimentation, I decided on one particular approach that works well for myself and my boys.

It should be noted that while kids will be kids, I have pretty well-behaved ones if I do say so myself. I believe that is a result of a few things, one being that I expect a lot from them. I’m a mom, but I never bought into the idea that I needed to sacrifice my entire life in order to parent. I like to be out and about, go out to eat and run errands; those are not activities I wanted to forfeit because I have kids. My life dictated a need for my children to be able to take part in many tasks and events along with me, and that was never up for debate. If we were to take this on successfully, discipline had to be a priority.

I insist on good behavior, and they regularly rise to meet the standard. I employ the 1-2-3 Magic method. If you’re unfamiliar, I highly suggest looking further into the details of it. The gist is that you eliminate unnecessary talking and proceed immediately to follow through with the end result when needed: time out. I cannot stress enough how important the follow through aspect of this method truly is. I’ve learned to stick to what I say with my kids. Even during times when they’re testing me, I engage 1-2-3 Magic. I’ve done it everywhere, from home to Costco, and my kids have learned to trust that once I begin with “1”, I am ready, willing and able to carry out the anticipated disciplinary action.

Here’s the deal: Your kids will have moments when they’ll behave as angels; at other times they’ll make you question who poured sugar down their throats and caused them to bounce off the walls with reckless abandon. Moms know this to be a regular occurrence. I’ve been able to trust that Kingsley won’t grab things and run around when we go shopping. He knows I expect different behavior from him, and I remind him of that often. When he manages himself well (reasonably for his age, of course), I reward him with something simple that makes his little heart smile. It’s a win-win. I’m very mindful to give my children attention for positive things they do at random moments. For me, that’s the key. So many parents are so busy doing other things on their phones, finishing things on computers, etc, that the first time they’re triggered to pay attention to their kids is when they’ve done something wrong. It sends a message to the child that this is the way to get mommy’s attention. Moms, we want to avoid that way of thinking in their developing brains and encourage good behavior.

Children are going to regularly require help operating with decorum. They are children living in an adult world, not the other way around. If our goal is to lovingly guide their behavior and nurture all parts of them – mind, body and soul – at the same time, we have to be strong enough to use discipline in healthy ways when necessary while showering them with attention during positive moments with every opportunity possible. The result is something that will stay with them for a lifetime, and I like the idea of having that kind of beneficial impact. It will only happen if we as moms are regimented in our desire to develop and nurture self-managing behaviors.

After all, being disciplined isn’t just a novel idea for kids. 🙂

Every first time mom can relate to being bombarded with all the advertisements for “mommy must-haves”. Every single day it seems there’s a new latest and greatest baby appliance that you simply cannot live without…or at least that’s what retailers hope to convince you of.

While the nine months spent growing your baby can be exciting and beautiful, it can also be scary and anxiety-producing. Think about it: you’re growing a life inside of you for the first time, feeling foreign sensations and watching your body morph into something you don’t recognize. Yeah, it’s intense, lol. The last thing any of us needs at that point is to be made to feel like we’re ill-prepared for the moment our cute bundles of joy decide to exit their human incubator!

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we allow catalogues and sales posters plastered on store windows to persuade us to scurry out to every baby boutique and warehouse to buy more “stuff”? Sure, it’s fun to gush at all the cutesy things at first. It’s even amusing to contemplate purchasing that clever little never-heard-of device that promises to make life with the new baby easier. But when you’re 30+ weeks and feeling gargantuan, waddling around a store worried about not having everything is hardly pleasant.

While some things are extremely handy to have, others are just plain ol’ wastes of money. Here are two things I learned along the way that might help my e-Mommy tribe.

Baby Wipe Warmers
This one is definitely an “extra”. Skip it all together. I know what you’re thinking: who would want an ice cold wipe on their soft little baby bottom? It’s a noble thought, but here are other things to consider. First, rarely are baby wipes freezing cold. Are they warm? No, but your baby will adjust; eventually the shock of being changed  with a cool wipe won’t produce blood-curdling screams each time. If you start out with warm ones, you’ll inevitably find yourself out somewhere without the warmer, and the calm infant you’re used to will transform into The Hulk and leave you in distress! Okay, not really, but babies are smart. They get accustomed to warm wipes, and… well you get it 🙂

Bonus tip: they often scream when getting changed with warm wipes, as well. They’re babies; that’s what babies do.

Toys R You
“Extra.” Halt! Step away from the toy store! Okay, parents know this is a tough one. When you are preparing for the arrival of your little one, and especially after baby is home, buying toys comes naturally. You’re out, you see the cuuuuuutest little stuffed animal. Or, look! This toy lights up and plays ABC’s when you press the button. It isn’t an exaggeration to say that purchasing new items daily can become a habit. After all, who wouldn’t want to spoil that cute little face, right? Wrong. I learned quickly to get three toy bins for my two sons. If toys didn’t fit in those bins, it had to go. My kids are hardly deprived of fun toys to play with and enjoy, but a funny thing happened: I bought tons of toys for them and watched them still find a random object while at dinner, like a straw or pebble, and have the time of their lives.

Pro Tip Essential: Find one or two toys that fit into your purse and can be readily available. Allow these to become your child’s faves. Leave everything else at home. Kids are easily amused. Never forget that when you’re spending money on the “extras”.

The moral of this lighthearted story is that you will inevitably buy unnecessary items for your children. It’s part of the fun. I just urge any new moms to remember to keep all things in perspective. Don’t overwhelm yourself with gadgets and gizmos. Things will be convenient at times and harder than you think at others. Through it all, you and baby will be just fine.

I’m generally a pretty upbeat, carefree person (with a bit of liveliness and animation thrown in there) in most situations. Even so, it’s always a bit distressing when the topic of working moms arises. I still get a bit baffled, both by how polarizing the conversation can be and the contention left behind after the discussion has concluded. We all want the same thing. We want our children to be happy, to feel loved and to never have a (reasonable) want or care in the world. Why are we so miffed if the vehicle by which we arrive at that proverbial location varies?

If you know me, or even if you’ve checked out a few of my blogs thus far, you already know my career has taken me in a million directions over the course of my life. I’m a designer, a DASH radio host, a restaurateur and more. In addition to all of these, I am a mom. I’d say that makes me officially busy! Being career-active has never made me less available for my children. I’d argue that its effect has been quite the opposite…but we’ll tackle that in a bit 🙂

Since what seems like the beginning of time, many moms who work, particularly those who do so outside of the home, have been consumed by “working moms’ guilt”. It is exactly what it sounds like; the feeling of guilt that stems from spending time on a career instead of staying at home to be a mom 24 hours a day. Society has placed this ideal onto anyone with two X chromosomes, convincing us all that children can only grow to be functional, flourishing beings if there is a mom in the home, all day, every day. I call rubbish on all of that!

When I discovered I was pregnant with my first child, I read everything I could get my hands on about pregnancy and what to expect. I’ve always been a lifelong learner, so it comes as no surprise that my approach to working while mommying would be no different. I didn’t make the choice to be a working mom flippantly. A great deal of thought and even research went into the decision, and it’s one I’ve never regretted.

I remember reading an article on raising successful children and being astonished by the statistics that stated a majority of successful entrepreneurs grew up in homes with working mothers. These kids-turned-thriving-adults had examples of cardinal work ethic laid out before them in their daily lives. Their definition of what was possible had expanded to include both parenthood, profession and pursuit of passion – simultaneously! To be able to give that gift – not just of potential, but of strong probability and prosperity – to my sons is one I cherish. I made the choice to use my professional resume and skill-set not only to advance my career path, but to secure a beautiful future for my children. Most of all, I chose to show them through my actions and words that their talents, expertise, artistry or whatever happens to be in their future is worthy of exploration and pursuit.

If you’re a working mom carrying around unnecessary guilt because you employ a nanny, or because you take your child to a daycare each day, let it go! Stop beating yourself up because you have help! Our children are no less loved or cared for; our villages just look different. One could even argue they, our children, have an abundance because of all the people chipping in to nurture them. The relationships developed during those formative years, usually with friends made at places like daycares or activity/development centers, often lead to stronger social skills and healthy attachments.

The world isn’t ever going to agree on one final answer regarding how we choose to parent. Social commentators probably won’t begin to look at dads and heap the same amount of judgment when the kid is with a sitter while they scurry off to work, briefcase in hand. The bias will continue to exist. As moms, we have to become secure in our choices, trusting that they’re made in love and with knowledge, and no one can argue with that wisdom. You’re doing a great job, mom, and your children will perhaps even be better for it.

Have you dealt with working moms’ guilt? Comment below about what the experience was like for you.