Author: Breegan Jane

The Art of Setting Expectations (and MEETING Them)

Setting expectations is fairly easy for most of us. Meeting them consistently, though? Well, that varies with the individual. As an entrepreneur, I’ve had to master the “setting goals and meeting them” game. It’s been one of the best things for my relationships with clients. Here are a few things I’ve found that help foster successful goal-planning and execution.

Set A-B-C Expectations

I read somewhere that setting expectations gets easier when you consider A-B-C results. Creating goals that are achievable, believable and capable will make upcoming tasks much easier to accomplish. I promise it works, and it will be very powerful once you start utilizing this simple idea.

Let’s say your co-workers need a document and ask when you can submit it to them. Consider what’s achievable, believable and within your capabilities before committing to a day or time. If your day is packed, and if it works for your teammates, extend the deadline to a time that won’t interfere with your agenda. Setting expectations based only on your teammates’ needs can set them up for disappointment – and broken trust. While broken trust isn’t irreparable, it’s very difficult to mend, particularly in professional arenas. Your word will either be everything to someone or it will be nothing. ABC expectations can help yours be the former.

Underpromise and Over-deliver

This tip for setting expectations parallels A-B-C expectations, and I use it with ALL of my clients. Realize that Murphy’s Law is always potentially in effect. Any and all plans can be unintentionally impacted at any given moment. As such, make sure that you give yourself more time than you need to get things accomplished. Even if you won’t need it, it’s better to give yourself some wiggle room for whatever you need to do.

In my profession, flexibility is key, especially when it comes to project deadlines. Some clients, however, aren’t as flexible as I’d like them to be. So, when I give them projections for timelines, I always – ALWAYS – build in time for unforeseen issues to occur. Inevitably, a delivery will be late, something will malfunction, or weather will not cooperate. I’ve learned to not stress about these things happening because I anticipate them before quoting clients. What does this look like? Even if I a project will take two weeks, I build in a week or two extra to ensure I have time to handle any problems that may occur. If the project is done earlier than quoted, clients are extremely happy. I, in turn, build further trust with them and develop a stronger, positive rapport for my brand. I never want to let anyone down, and I don’t want to let myself down, either. This tip helps me avoid both!

Hold Yourself Accountable

Perhaps the biggest tip for effectively setting expectations is doing what you say you’re going to do. Hold yourself accountable to the commitments you make. It’s the baseline for trust in both personal and professional relationships. And, it’s one of the oldest and most effective ways to build personal character and develop great networks.

So many people have been disappointed because professional partners or friends negated to follow through on a promise or goal. Again, when that trust is habitually broken or lost, it can be difficult to regain it. Do whatever it takes. There are so many tools at your access to help if you need them. I set frequent reminders for some things, jot things down in planners, and even have assistants to remind me of priority items. No, I don’t have a problem remembering. However, it is extremely important to me that I follow through with all I commit to doing. Having a few backup reminders to keep things on track has only helped me meet all of the expectations I set for myself.

Setting expectations and meeting them doesn’t have to be difficult. It does have to be intentional, though. Only you can control what you do or don’t do. Set yourself up for success with these tips, and find yourself in a much happier, more accomplished position in your career and personal life!

The Makings of Custom Designed Tubs

If you asked ten people to define passion as it relates to one’s work, you’d get ten different answers. Interior design has been close to my heart for so long that the essence of that word has shifted many times. Currently, “passion” means challenging myself to go beyond what feels comfortable within the world of design. When you have a dream that requires greatness, you study, you practice and you give your all to master the skill. Once you’ve done that it becomes easy to rest in it, to bask in the acquiring of that hard earned prowess. But try and try as I might, I just don’t find contentment in complacency.

It is most certainly because of that personality characteristic that I find working on large scale construction projects so fulfilling. It pushes me as a designer in ways not much else truly does. When I take these types of jobs, I have to think about creating visually impactful design because many of these are multi-million dollar homes which leave no room for ordinary.

Creating custom designed tubs was born out of a combination of my desire to make luxury accessible, as well as my displeasure with the variety of options available on the market. I was walking into spaces I’d remodeled and transformed into beautiful havens with gorgeous architecture, only to find tubs that simply failed to impress. I couldn’t reconcile the idea of an average piece in an exceptional room. In my mind I could picture tubs with distinct features that would bring life to these areas. So instead of dreaming about them, I’ve decided to create them!

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Accepting Change: How to Get Better At It

The Greek philosopher Heraclitus noted that the only constant in life is change. I think we ALL know this to be true in this COVID-19 existence we’re experiencing. Accepting change, especially abrupt circumstances such as this pandemic, can be more than a notion. Any disruption to our definition of “comfort” can make anyone uneasy. However, throughout this time of quarantine, and even before, I’ve considered some roots behind my own feelings regarding change. Here’s what I realized.

Difficulties of Change

Our responses to change depends a great deal on the circumstances. For me, getting a divorce was one of the biggest life changes I never expected. That change was HARD! It took a serious toll on me mentally and emotionally. I fought it for the longest time because being a single mom was NOT the life I planned for. I think that’s the biggest reason why people have a hard time accepting change. We simply don’t want it.

Fear and uncertainty fuel much of our apprehension to new or different circumstances. Change makes things uncertain, and security is one of our basic needs as humans. Change also threatens our peace and forces us to face the unknown. That can be ridiculously scary, as we all have experienced recently with COVID-19. What do you do when you’re not sure what you can hold on to, or if there will even be anything TO hold on to?

Accepting change can be extremely painful. For me, that was the worst part of my divorce. Though it was the best thing for everyone involved, that didn’t erase the hurt while going through it. I’m so grateful that I had good friends I could run to and talk things over. Having regular check-ins was one of the most powerful tools I had at my access, and it’s one that helps me deal with change in all areas of my life. Talking things out allows me to vocalize my fears, and bringing those fears to light gives them less power. Communication is a tool that keeps our minds from making up things internally, reinforcing resistance to change.

Accepting Change Like a Crow

I read a meme somewhere about accepting change like a crow, and that piqued my curiosity. I found out that crows have a natural curiosity. When faced with a challenging task, they seem to have an innate understanding that they may have to think differently about solving the problem. Their natural curiosity helps them to regularly consider how to do things beyond what they typically know. That process of thinking makes so much sense to me. It’s something I think we humans can learn from them when considering change in our lives.

It’s also interesting that when a crow discovers something new, others in the flock will observe it to learn from whatever happens. I think if we did the same in all of our experiences, we would be better people. When change happens, good or bad, it would behoove us to expect to gain something from it for ourselves. If the result is positive, we learn about things we’re maybe good at or enjoy. If it’s a negative result, we also get a better understanding of our needs, desires or areas for improvement.

I also discovered that crows adapt to any environment they’re in, and they will eat almost anything. Because of this, they can survive practically any situation they find themselves in. How much strength would we gain within ourselves if we knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that we would survive any change that happened in our lives? That’s so empowering! It’s a challenge I’ve presented to myself, and I love having that perspective as change happens in my life. No matter what happens, I can handle it, and I will survive. Not only will I survive, but I will THRIVE throughout and beyond it!

Accepting change may never be easy, but neither is it impossible. Expecting change is the best preparation, and that preparation will only help you be more successful when it occurs. Talk out your fears and concerns with a trusted confidant, and make plans to secure your needs should the unforeseen happen. Believe that whatever change happens, it will usher you to a good, maybe even better, place in life.

Kids Fashion: I Let the Cute Clothes Go (Sort of)

We moms have such different takes on kids fashion. I get it. On one hand, we want our littles to be in the cutest outfits for the snazziest photos. On the other hand, kids grow up so fast that there’s no need to put a ton of money into their clothes. By the time they wear outfits a few times, it’s time to get larger sizes. Initially I considered myself in the first group of moms. After a while, though, I decided to let go of “cutesy” clothes. Sort of.

Style as a Strategy

Dressing my boys up in adorable kids fashion has always been fun for me as a mom. I enjoyed the great photoshoots and matching-mom moments. To be honest, I REALLY had a great time finding outfits for my boys, especially matching outfits. But there were other reasons to strategize style for them as infants.

I had an ulterior motive for dressing my kids up in cute kids fashion. It had to do with societal acceptance in moments of kiddy meltdowns. I realized early on that people more easily forgave bad kid behavior when children are dressed well. As a parent and observer, I know this to be true. A baby crying like a banshee gets quicker acceptance and forgiveness from strangers if they’re in cute clothes. On the contrary, a kid with a runny nose in an unkempt Batman pajama set gets more of a side-eye and turned-up nose, generally speaking. So do the parents. I think that stinks, but it’s what happens.

Changing Tides

My boys started molding their own individual tastes, and I saw them changing mentally. I noticed that my oldest son, Kingsley, began putting more emphasis on clothes that were important to him. He liked certain shirts with superheroes because a character was “a good guy, and he’s my favorite.” More and more he began choosing his clothes based on who he wanted to be that day. He wanted to become more responsible for his own choices, and I didn’t want to stunt that.

That’s not to say it was easy for me. It was actually very difficult for me to let go of dressing my boys at first. I put a lot of intentionality into selecting pieces for their wardrobes. Visual representation has always been extremely important to me in all aspects of my life, including my family. Plus, I just loved dressing my boys in matching outfits. I sensed that they started resenting it, though, and I didn’t want to be next. It wasn’t worth the fight.

So, instead of dressing Kingsley up in the kids fashion I deemed appropriate, I let him dress himself. Oftentimes that meant he went to school looking more like a homeless child in my opinion, but it’s what he wanted. Besides, I honestly didn’t care what other parents may have thought about him. I knew he was still a sweet, considerate boy in whatever clothes he wore. The “cute kid clothes” era faded slowly to black.

Reflections

Looking back, I realize I was inevitably teaching him the wrong thing about acceptance and what it meant to “present” himself to others when I dressed him up. Kids shouldn’t necessarily have a mindset of being “put together” when it comes to how others see them at school. They shouldn’t worry about portraying this perfectionist version of themselves. Kids should just be kids! They should wear what’s comfortable to run, play and have fun in. As he matured, I sort of matured in that vein of dressing him.

Kids fashion should reflect individual, internal authenticity. Instead of focusing on how cute Kingsley could dress, I wanted his personality and inner beauty to shine brighter. I wanted him to focus more on his self-expression as he did more associating with kids in grade school.

Back Again…A Little

In this crazy COVID-19 world, I’ve been able to balance the world of kids clothing and growing independence with my boys. I tend to lean more towards matching or coordinated outfits for them when we are intentionally on social media projects, but I let them go against the grain off camera. On days that they have to match, I let Kingsley pick an outfit one day, Kensington the second day, and Mommy gets to pick on the third day. It’s a balance we can all live with.

Indulging in cute kids fashion is a fun thing to do with your children if you enjoy the visual appeal of it. At a certain point, though, you have to realize your kids aren’t you, and you have to let them find their independence. There’s a natural cycle to it, moms. When it’s time to let the cute clothes go, let them go.

COVID-19 – We’ve All Got Something In Common!

Once upon a time on this planet, before COVID-19 ran rampant around us, the world focused on all of the divisive elements of life that kept us separated. Competition and the battle between the haves and the have-nots seemed to permeate all cultures around the world. Moreover, people generally believed they were in better or worse situations because of what they did or didn’t have.

Quarantine life changed all of that. While everyone is experiencing it very differently, I’ve found some really great commonalities expressed in so many communities. Here are some thoughts about my experiences.

Moms and Non-moms Unite

Before COVID-19, the lives of moms and non-moms were often seen as opposite as night and day. I’m sure both felt their needs were drastically different from each other, also. This time in quarantine has shown me something very different, though. Never have I felt, as a parent, so much support from non-parents! This is one of the first times in my life that almost every phone call I get from non-mom friends is dripping with empathy and understanding.

It’s been a good thing for us parents. We need that validation from non-parents sometimes. This quarantine is no exception. It means a great deal to hear someone say, “Oh my gosh – I cannot imagine! What do you need?” It’s also a relief to see supportive responses like my friend Rory’s hilarious tribute to moms during the quarantine. It’s like she REALLY gets it, and she knows the perfect cure for our situation! Gestures like hers make our experiences a little less stressful.

That support goes right back to non-parents. At least, it does for me and my mom friends. I’ve heard myself say a few times, “this is definitely a time NOT to have kids!” I’ve received a few nods from mom friends on that, too! It’s this reciprocal understanding that’s been amazing to see and experience. We’re all no longer sensitive about our lifestyle choices and differences. We realize no group has it better than the other.

Reaching Out Matters

That concern for others has extended beyond my mom groups. I’ve been reminded to check on my friends and family members who are single. It’s been important for me to reach out to them during this time of COVID-19 to ensure they aren’t feeling lonely or isolated. I’ve also had some old friends reach out to me to make sure I’m not drowning in the craziness of life right now. Touching base with people I haven’t had time to connect with has been nourishing, both mentally and emotionally. It’s made me realize how solid my support circles are–and should remain.

Generally speaking, I think the entire world now realizes the importance of connecting with others. It’s even more important when physical connection isn’t an option. To know that we are all okay, that we all sense, feel and share the human experience…these are ideals that transcend our circumstances.

The Great Equalizer

Times of tragedy or hardship typically bring us all together. We saw that as a nation with 9/11 and major weather catastrophes that happen each year. We saw it locally with the wildfires in LA last year. In the worst of times, we often see the best of humanity. During those times, “love thy neighbor” takes on a completely different meaning. Meaningless things tend to fade to black, while love, care and support step to the front.

While we shouldn’t need a tragedy to bring everyone together, a really nice by-product of the COVID-19 pandemic is the ease with which we all have been able to unite, despite our differences and life circumstances. We have all realized that there’s no such thing as “greener grass.” You have your yard, and I have mine. And what we all want more than ever is to play together and enjoy each other in SOMEONE’S yard.

Many things that mattered before this pandemic no longer do. Other things, like abundant support for each other, matter like never before. It’s what we all have in common, and I hope that we stay focused on that long after this situation changes for us all.

A Response to a National Crisis

What do you say when it feels like there isn’t much left to say? Well, sometimes you say nothing at all.

If you’ve noticed I haven’t been very vocal online about the present issues our country is facing, this post is for you. It would be extremely easy to assume from the outside that my silent contemplation equates to apathy.

That’s not true at all.

My silence is rooted in sorrow. However, that silence is not an indication of a neutral stance or dismissal of the injustice of George Floyd’s murder. His murder was heinous, abhorrent and heartbreaking. I’m uncompromisingly firm on that.

An issue a little more complicated? My kids. If I’m honest, I just don’t want to confront this with my boys. Before my DMs are flooded with outcries expressing how irresponsible or offensive that might be for some…know that I’m aware it’s a controversial choice. I don’t owe anyone an explanation, but I value the transparency I’ve tried to maintain with my readers, family and friends.

The unveiling of the realities around what happened to Mr. Floyd will undoubtedly strip my sweet little boys of the innocence I would prefer them be allowed to hang onto at least a little while longer. I’m trying desperately to achieve that. Did that get an eye roll out of you? Keep reading.

Every single one of us has had our opinions and views of the world informed by our own experiences, much of which involve our personal upbringing. That said, consider my history: I’m a biracial woman who was transracially adopted by two white parents. My adopted siblings are biracial. I have two black sons. Let all of THAT sink in.

It’s safe to say I have a unique story. And, while it may be hard for many to understand and believe, my first real encounter with racism didn’t happen until I was in my 20s. Shocking, I know. My parents went well out of their way to ensure I experienced minimal adversity from racial issues and matters. I’m not ashamed to tell you that my life was sheltered, and I lived in my safe, shielded bubble until the racial incident I alluded to. It wasn’t that race didn’t exist; it simply wasn’t something that regularly penetrated my bubble. I look at my two little ones, and everything inside of me wants to keep them in a similarly safe place until I absolutely can’t anymore, and I have to burst their bubble.

Everyone’s rage about the murder of George Floyd is valid, warranted and right. I am standing in solidarity with us all, hoping for justice. I want to protect US. I can also, at the very same time, want to protect my boys.

So here I am, so saddened by the loss of that precious human life, the one that called for his mama before taking his last breath. I’m saddened by the hurt and heartbreak that is palpable in the peaceful and not-so-peaceful protests. Call me naive or idyllic, but I long for the “someday” that so many civil rights activists spoke of so long ago. I’m still hoping I’ll see it in this lifetime…or my children’s.

Parenting Advice During COVID-19: My Insight as a Mom

This time in quarantine has been eye-opening, and probably life-changing, for most of us. With schools and many of our offices and businesses closed, one of the things we’ve all had more of is time…inside….around the same people…every…day. If you’re a parent, those same people are most likely your kids. I’ve learned a lot about myself and my boys during this time. As such, I wanted to provide some parenting advice that I would give moms and dads, should this situation ever happen again.

The Kids are Good. Seriously.

Here in LA, I know a lot of mom circles have this thing about rules and order. They LOVE them! We’re all guilty of being helicopter parents to some degree. One thing this recent quarantine has taught me is that there’s a time and place for hand-holding “rules.” Being at home with your kids 24/7 is neither the time nor place to stick to them.

My first piece of parenting advice is just that. During unprecedented circumstances, let the rules go. Your kids will be okay. And, with a little flexibility, you will, too! A little TV and some chocolate are completely fine. As long as it keeps them content while you get things done, I **promise** it’s okay. The reality is, something like COVID-19 threw us all off balance. You can’t expect your kids to do life as normal when the rest of the world isn’t.

I found during this time that my boys were completely okay with playroom activities in their rooms. To my surprise, they actually got more creative. I actually saw their independence and maturity flourish. When I required more of them, both of them happily obliged most times. Your kids will adapt to your new norm, as you have most likely had to do. Go with that flow, parents!

Let your “Mom Guard” Down

Speaking of having guards down, I’ve seen a huge paradigm shift in the global mom community. When T. Lopez and I started Mom Life Yo radio show, we were the outsider moms in leather jackets with buns in our hair. We didn’t have it all together, and I felt like we were seen as anomalies in some LA mom circles. During this quarantine, I have seen MANY moms FINALLY let their guards down on so many levels. It has been refreshing to see! That would be my next piece of parenting advice.

It hasn’t always been socially accepted for moms to be seen as chill and relaxed parent figures. I think the quarantine has allowed (or forced) many moms to reconsider what really matters when it comes to “good” parenting. This quarantine has softened the mom community in a good way. We are much more forgiving of everyday parenting follies. In the world before COVID-19 and quarantines, I feel like “mean moms” were more prevalent. Mom text and chat groups have grown to be super understanding, supportive of each other, and extremely action-based. We have learned to come to each other’s rescue, and it’s been so beautiful to experience.

My parenting advice to moms? Lean on each other. Share ideas. Vent frustrations. Be vulnerable. Only we know and truly understand the struggle. Let that be a new mantra for us all, both during quarantine and beyond.

Find YOUR Groove

I finally have some parenting advice for those who are working parents like myself. I so wasn’t ready for my typical longer-than-normal work days combined with 24/7 mommy duties. Most likely none of us were. The key for my life and sanity while quarantined was finding my own daily groove and molding life around what works best for me.

I learned to keep habits that I needed, change processes as required, and adapt however it was necessary to maintain my business and family. For me, that first meant pivoting quickly and committing to a new home office. I created a new daily routine that, as I mentioned earlier, meant a quick breakfast and some cartoons while I checked emails and in-progress design projects. It meant scheduling activities with the boys along with Zoom meetings. Yes, it was was a bit of a strategic dance. Once we all got it down, though, everyone understood the daily rhythm.

Honestly, I know there are many parents who may not maneuver their homes and families during extended periods of time as I did. And that’s okay! That’s my final piece of parenting advice for close-quarters living with kids. Know that your actions will affect your kids and vice versa. Process the time and experience in ways that maintain the best environment for you all, whatever that may look like. Learn what engagement looks like and feels best for your children, and teach them what needs to happen for you to be your best self, personally and professionally. Check-in with them often, and be sure to check-in with yourself regularly, also.

We all listen to the beat of our own drums. In close-quarters living, it is so important to recognize your rhythm and the rhythm of others. Accept theirs, and know that they will learn yours. In time, however long that time is, all of your drum patterns will sync harmoniously! Good luck, mom and dad!

Protecting Kids from the Realities of Divorce

I have a confession to make. I’ve struggled with it before, but I’ve come to terms with it, at least in this area of parenting. I lie to my kids. I think it’s healthy to do so, especially when it comes to protecting them from some harsh realities of my divorce from their father. I’ve come to realize that many parents may not agree with how I handle this with my boys. I’m writing about this today to hopefully bring some clarity and justification for my rationale.

They Aren’t Ready

As adults, we experience real emotions, both positive and negative, and process them as such. We can be angry, sad, disappointed about something and later process the “why” of it all. Plus, we’re able to not give our emotions power beyond the moment and process them within the bigger picture. We can make sense of it all, possibly forgive and move on.

Children don’t have those skills yet. They may not develop these critical thinking skills until later in life. If you hand off to them your anger towards the other parent, they may not be able to understand how minor or major the circumstances were. Because we don’t often see how big the “real” effects truly are in the moment, we may not see the impact of our responses or words until our kids are much older and have the language to describe it.

In a nutshell, you wouldn’t give your infant child a piece of steak to eat; they can’t digest it. It’s not appropriate for their age. You would give them milk or formula, or whatever they can digest. Likewise, consider choosing to give your kids the story about their father that they can handle at their ages. They can’t process dad’s shortcomings the way you can, and it isn’t worth risking damaging a future relationship they can have with their father. I see that relationship as a potential building block for healthy children, especially since I have boys. Protecting kids in this way is extremely important.

Self-perception is Powerful

Research has shown that children identify with half of each of their parents. In essence, speaking negatively about a child’s dad equates to speaking negatively about them internally. I would NEVER want my sons to view themselves negatively because of my words. This keeps me striving for the relationship I want them to have later on versus my emotions now.

Protecting kids means being careful about the ideas children absorb, especially about both of their parents. Because there’s a divorce involved and they spend most of their time with me, I realize their self-image most likely starts as a reflection of my words. They look to mom and dad to help form their views on the world, whatever those may be at their ages. I have to be careful with the ideas I give to my boys regarding who their parents are. Those ideas may be the seeds of who they feel they are or will become.

Divorcees often have to deal with a co-parent that sometimes disappoints their children. While that can be infuriating, try to remember that parent is still “dad” to them. He’s still a hero to them. Remembering that can be tough when you can see all of the chinks in his armor. It’s a HUGE act of selflessness. Nevertheless, allowing your ex to retain his status to your children has the potential to have so many amazing benefits as they become healthy adults. I choose to set aside some very real and very valid feelings about what really happens when my sons’ dad is absent. The goal isn’t to expose the offending parent; the goal is to raise healthy children. So sure…daddy isn’t here because he’s “working.” True or false, it works for them. For now.

Remember the Goal

I read a wise quote that spoke on giving our kids childhoods that they don’t have to heal from. That’s really the goal, and that’s why I’m not going to bad-mouth their dad. We parents have the all-important job of protecting our children. Yes, that does include the basics of food, safety and protecting them from running into traffic. However, in 2020, there is a much-needed emphasis on mental and emotional health, and that also starts at home. That’s where they develop their first impressions of what love looks like. You, parent, facilitate that, be it healthy or unhealthy.

Don’t get me wrong: absorbing the pain is not negating the reality of pain. You’re not pushing aside your feelings as if they’re not real (missed commitments, lack of involvement) – all are real and you have every right to feel that way. By no means should you feel you don’t have the right to have those feelings. However, as you navigate the co-parenting experience, focus on protecting kids from the extremely sensitive details and potential feelings that they have to choose one or the other.

I think it’s a wise decision to put the desires of the future you want them to have ahead of your feelings in the present. Besides, I firmly believe kids will grow and start to see the impact for themselves. As they develop and mature, they will inevitably start to form their own opinions. You’ll then be able to meet and talk with them on a level that their feelings without vilifying the other parent.

Until then, though, keep your eyes on the prize: protecting kids in a way that simply lets them be kids. No worries, no worldly cares or heaviness that we adults deal with. Just…let the kids be kids.

We Will Survive

Let’s be honest: things are weird. The COVID-19 quarantine has everybody a little bit on edge, and the world is kind of…upside down. If you’re a parent, specifically a mom, you understand that kids add an entirely new layer to this whole quarantine situation! We moms are doing a little (or a lot) of everything at all times of the day and night. It’s an interesting time indeed, but we will survive, moms!

Happy Hour?

My friend Rory Uphold continues to give me new reasons to be proud. She’s a brilliant, funny and talented actor (it doesn’t hurt that she’s also pretty cute!) and she’s been spreading joy across the world wide web with her Recipes For Disaster video series. The latest one features a drink called “Please Take My Kids,” better known as a gin fizz. And really, don’t we all need a drink from time to time right now? LOL. Rory’s bartending doesn’t exactly go off without a hitch in the clip. Let’s just say she gets a *tiny* taste of what it can be like to be a mom and do anything else at the same time. Check out the video to see what I mean.

The Best Medicine

Laughter is a big part of how we get through this. I’d like to challenge everyone to find a bright spot in every day. I’m not talking about toxic positivity. No one will feel good every single day, and maybe not even every week. We will inevitably have our tough moments, and perhaps you’ll need a glass of Rescue Rosé wine from time to time. I’m reminding you that even on our worst days, we’re still here, and that’s something. 

These are moments in time. You and me? We will survive this moment. If you can hold onto that, the battle is already won. If you can laugh at the ridiculous, and trust me, there will be much of it, you’re heading towards gold star territory.

Saving Grace

For moms who are being reminded by the quarantine that their multitasking skills and patience are both a little rusty, well, luckily there’s grace for that. That’s the key. Give yourself the grace to be a human wading through uncharted territory. You have never had to do this before. Remind yourself that NONE of us have ever done this before. You might be a seasoned pro of a mom, but quarantined-stay-at-home-mom-in-toddler-combat you are not. I assure you that nobody has the instruction manual on how to navigate this perfectly. Grace is not just helpful; it’s essential. Again, we will survive this. 

Grapes That Do Good

I mentioned Rescue Rosé earlier, and I would be remiss if I didn’t share more about this tasty vino and thoughtful company! Nola Singer is a fashion stylist in LA with a passion for animal rescue. Her Rosé isn’t just delicious, it benefits animals in need! Proceeds from a portion of every bottle sold go to Love Leo Rescue, an organization that saves thousands of dogs and finds them forever homes. Unwind with a glass today, and help a pup in need at the same time. See? Your multitasking skills are already improving! *wink*

Hang in there everyone. We will survive this. All of it. See you on the other side!

Single Mom Empowerment from a Kid’s Perspective

I have single mom adventures every day with my littles. Some are more significant than others, but a recent experience really took me by surprise. I overheard a family friend talking to my six-year-old about an item this person wanted to purchase but couldn’t spend the money at the moment. Out of the blue, my son says, “Well, mommy can buy it for you!” So many thoughts immediately ran through my mind. Since then, I’ve had more comforting thoughts about that situation and the subconscious notion of female empowerment I hope is building in my kids’ minds.

Changing norms

I was initially shocked to hear my son volunteer finances (that weren’t his) to others. I knew his heart was in the right place, though. Kingsley is and has always been a generous, kind-natured kid, even as a toddler. It’s why, when the shock of his “offer” wore off and I had time to think about it, I smiled at his suggestion and the situation.

My son’s first thought in that scenario was ‘mommy can get whatever it is that’s needed.’ It demonstrated his picture of financial security, one that doesn’t rely on a man or a father being in the house. Societies around the world have traditionally presented a different narrative. The masses generally believe that men are the expected breadwinners and earners, particularly with families. We have all seen that in television storylines throughout the years. I live my life in a way that I hope changes that perspective for my boys. Thankfully, it seems to be working.

Modern motherhood and womanhood are extremely multidimensional. They incorporate and look like different things for different family units. Yet, many women are intentionally held back because some men find powerful women intimidating. Women aren’t always given the same (fair) opportunities because of unfounded, biased notions of being weaker or not as competent. I love that my son knew in that moment his entrepreneurial single mom provides for him.

Sprouting Seeds

There’s such a sense of pride in that. It’s empowering! This is why I do what I do. I want to provide for my children and have what they want/need. More than that, I want them to grow up with their definition of “womanhood” being vast, all-inclusive and powerful. I want them to know a home full of love with a single parent is not deficient, and that a single mom can successfully bear the same financial responsibilities a two-parent home has.

It’s my desire that my sons grow up to be young men who appreciate powerful women. Not only that, but I hope they will also put themselves in positions to empower women, should the opportunity arise. I do what I do because I hope to have boys who won’t be surprised at women who are strong, competent earners in positions of power and influence. They will have seen it first hand!

 

Something as simple as “mommy can buy it for you” lets me know they see me as capable. It’s evidence of seeds I’ve been planting. I saw a glimpse of my son sprouting. The future looks bright when our little girls feel empowered to do all they want to do, but it looks so much brighter when I think about their male counterparts cheering them on and supporting them as powerful allies.

I once dreamed of a time when women would truly be considered equal to men. My son’s very candid, impromptu declaration was a testament to that future happening much sooner rather than later. That thought brings the biggest smile to my face. So yes, Kingsley, mommy absolutely can.