Author: Breegan Jane

Sunbrella: The Perfect Addition to Your Outdoor Space

This has already been a summer unlike any other we’ve experienced. We’re all spending much more time inside due to the current pandemic. If you’re like me, that has left you with an intense yearning for the outdoors and a healthy dose of natural vitamin D.

Outdoor spaces have really become so much more important in these times. I’m blessed to have a beautiful rooftop deck space that gives me perfect access to the sunshine and fresh air I crave. Unfortunately, it has traditionally only been used once or twice a year when I hosted a party or event. Other than that, it was simply a forgotten space. Now that our usual social events aren’t possible as we’re all taking extra safety precautions, this rooftop space has truly been a gem! I decided a sprucing up for my rooftop deck was well overdue, and I’m so thankful I got to partner with Sunbrella to turn this space into my new favorite part of the house!

A Personal and Professional Favorite

Partnering with Sunbrella was an organic collaboration because I’ve been using Sunbrella fabrics forever! Sunbrella is the ONLY fabric I’ve used outdoors and in my clients’ spaces for the last ten years, and for good reason. Nothing compares to Sunbrella’s durability. The fabrics handle stains easily and always look brand new due to the fact that it’s UV resistant and fade proof, meaning it won’t lose its vibrant color in the sunlight.

I have an outdoor patio seat cushion with Sunbrella fabric that gets used much more often than my deck seating. It has remained beautiful through three years of kids, birds and even spilled food contents. I can honestly say their fabrics can weather it all!

Revive and Refresh Your Outdoor Space

The first step in creating a more usable space was to make sure the area was both functional and aesthetically pleasing. I brought furniture out on the rooftop, but the pieces needed new life. Giving older furniture new cushions is a perfect way to revitalize a space while still being budget-conscious.

I wanted to do something I’ve never done before and create a custom design in pillows! I’ve always been a huge fan of Sunbrella’s solids, but I felt very drawn to the symbolism of “the eye.” I’ve come across “the eye” many times during my travels abroad. It’s a symbol recognized in West Asia, Egypt and the Mediterranean among several other cultures. I’ve even worn it on bracelets for protection. For me, “the eye” is a reminder that I can be safe in a time when I feel most vulnerable. I knew I wanted to incorporate the emblem into the theme of my outdoor space. The cherry on top was that the design married my two favorite colors, teal and white, pretty perfectly!

Distanced and Social

Creating this outdoor space as a designer was an especially fun project. I envisioned an area that would effortlessly accommodate close groups of loved ones as they socialized post-pandemic. That meant special detail had to be given to the types of seating and the spacing.

Each guest would need their own seat as well as some sort of functional side table for their beverage. With at least six feet of social distance being our “new norm” now, one communal coffee table simply won’t suffice for everyone anymore. Initially, I wasn’t sure how I would incorporate that standard into the design, but it actually turned out great! I’m so happy with what we were able to achieve.

Wine, Not Whine

I know what you’re thinking: groups of people mingling with food and drinks? Won’t I be at least a little afraid of messes on my new beautiful cushions? Not with Sunbrella! I spilled red wine on one of them last week, and you would never know it. To clean the fabric, I just needed a little soap and water. Even the white Sunbrella fabric is as good as new!

My rooftop is filled with fun, music, family and plenty of carefree moments. It’s a warm and cozy, beautiful, lived-in space. Visit Sunbrella for your outdoor space needs today!

Sunbrella Fabrics Used: Level Atlantis, Layer Caribbean, Canvas White and Heritage Char

Your Feelings are Yours. Own Them.

I’ve recently started noticing a pattern in my two boys’ interactions with each other. Other parents know this pattern all too well, I’m sure. It’s the back-and-forth tattletale syndrome. As bothersome as it is, addressing it with my two littles helped me instill an introspective lesson I think is as important for adults as it is for children. My conversations with them revolved around their feelings: what they can control about them, and what they can’t.

“Made” to Feel

I felt the need to address this issue with my kids because I consistently heard a phrase restated over and over again.

“He made me feel…”

For those that don’t know, I’m a parent who never misses an empowerment opportunity, these present incidents with my boys included. I explained to them that no one can “make” them feel anything. Situations and circumstances may impact us emotionally. People, however, don’t have any power over us that we don’t allow.

From a mom’s perspective – at least, with my kids – dealing with kids’ feelings encompasses lessons about communicating with each other. The offended must explain what happened in an altercation, and he must also explain to the offender what emotional impact that action had. For example, Kingsley explains to Kensi that he gets mad and sad when Kensi hits him. Keni, in turn, doesn’t want his brother made at him, so he apologizes and commits to not do that again. (This is a heavily abbreviated version of the interaction, but you get the point.)

Dealing with Adult Feelings

With little boys, these teachable moments present more than a little drama, crying and blaming. They’re kids, after all. It’s a part of parenting. The core of this conversation, though, also pertains to adults. I’ve often heard friends explain that some people “made” them feel a certain way. Again, self-empowerment proves nothing could be further from the truth.

If I could speak to every person that believed that, I would explain the power of self they possess within themselves. We ALL have it. Yes, actions and words evoke things within us. We’re human. And while we may not be able to control things that happen to us, we have all control of our responses to those things, plain and simple. The key is to get to the root of why we respond in certain ways and decide whether or not to give ourselves over to those specific situations again.

I’ve learned you can empower yourself if you can own your emotions. If you show up for someone or something that evokes negatives feelings within yourself, don’t blame the situation or the person. Change the narrative, and you ultimately change your response to whatever that is. No one else wields that power but you, so protect your positive energy! If the time you spend with someone always ends negatively, choose to spend time with someone else. No, that person doesn’t “bring you down.” You bring yourself down by being with that person. Own your responsibility to yourself and how you want to feel, and you return power to the person that matters most in any occurrence: you.

It’s Always Time for Your Feelings

None of these thoughts negate the fact that unfavorable things will inevitably happen to us all. And it’s okay to have emotions about those things. However, it’s important to know that you, and only you, are in control of yourself every day. You decide whether to walk away from circumstances or not. Communicating thoughts about your feelings will always be your prerogative. And, if need be, you always have to power to take a moment on the sidelines of a situation to be sad. But never forget that you always, ALWAYS have the power to not let things ruin who you want to be.

We are all blessed to get 86,400 seconds to live the best lives possible each day. Own each one by not allowing anyone or anything to steal them. It will feel great, I promise!

Growing Boys – The Story of my Jolly Green Giant

Here’s a statement I know most – if not all – parents know well: kids today grow up way too fast! It’s so true, and I have growing boys that seem to stretch an inch a day! Though it’s expressed often, it’s more than a cute (but real) thing to say as parents. I think about this reality with more than a little apprehension. Here’s what I go through with my oldest son, Kingsley.

“He’s How Old??”

Having growing boys means many things to a parent. Clothes fit for shorter durations, food disappears in larger quantities and more frequently, etc. My biggest concern with Kingsley is that his steady growth changes his appearance…drastically. He is heads above his friends and practically everyone in his class. Parents are almost always shocked when I explain he’s only six.

“He’s how old??”

That’s what I get from everyone. Kingsley’s growth didn’t really surprise me. I experienced something similar as a kid. When I went through puberty, I grew into my body last out of all my friends. But when I did develop, boy did I develop! I looked much older than my age, and so did my body. I even had to have a breast reduction at an early age. My son is nowhere near that, but his physical frame is definitely growing at a faster rate than his age-appropriate maturity. And that’s the biggest concern for me as his parent.

Great Expectations

Kingsley’s rapidly-growing body might suggest to unknowing strangers that he’s much older than he actually is. Because of this, it can be easy for there to be a maturity expectation that isn’t appropriate for his corresponding age. A stranger at the club pool may, because of his size, incorrectly judge him as an eight-year-old who isn’t behaving properly. The reality is he’s just six, and he isn’t mindful of when his lanky arms reach too far and knock a glass over.

As his mother, I know that Kingsley’s heart and soul don’t fit his body. They’re so much softer and younger than the portrait nature is painting of his in this part of his life. It’s made me more of a helicopter parent because I want to make sure he isn’t misunderstood or misjudged when he’s simply not great with spacial awareness. I find myself constantly apologizing for him. At the same time, I tend to be hard on and assertive with him in public. I feel as if I had to be, and I know other parents of growing boys understand that. I love the innocence I see in him when I ask if he’s the tallest in his class and he responds, “no, the teacher is.” Yet, I know not everyone will share or appreciate those moments. I totally get it, but it’s not fair to him at all.

The World from This Point

Raising growing boys is never easy. I fear things may only get more difficult from here. Accidental clumsiness won’t always be forgiven with “I’m sorry” or “I didn’t know.” As with many situations recently in our society, I am keenly aware that the world may see him as something he’s not. I want to hold on to his childhood and protect him with the fierceness of a mama bear for the rest of his day. Yet, I realize my biggest help to him will be to instill in him the understanding that he is beautiful just the way he is.

I will continue to teach him respect and self-awareness. He will always know that I love him no matter what his body looks like, or whatever choices he makes. Kingsley will forever remember that, though he’s my “jolly green giant,” he is one of the most amazing human beings in my life. I’ll make sure that empowered spirit continues to grow along with him.

The Art of Setting Expectations (and MEETING Them)

Setting expectations is fairly easy for most of us. Meeting them consistently, though? Well, that varies with the individual. As an entrepreneur, I’ve had to master the “setting goals and meeting them” game. It’s been one of the best things for my relationships with clients. Here are a few things I’ve found that help foster successful goal-planning and execution.

Set A-B-C Expectations

I read somewhere that setting expectations gets easier when you consider A-B-C results. Creating goals that are achievable, believable and capable will make upcoming tasks much easier to accomplish. I promise it works, and it will be very powerful once you start utilizing this simple idea.

Let’s say your co-workers need a document and ask when you can submit it to them. Consider what’s achievable, believable and within your capabilities before committing to a day or time. If your day is packed, and if it works for your teammates, extend the deadline to a time that won’t interfere with your agenda. Setting expectations based only on your teammates’ needs can set them up for disappointment – and broken trust. While broken trust isn’t irreparable, it’s very difficult to mend, particularly in professional arenas. Your word will either be everything to someone or it will be nothing. ABC expectations can help yours be the former.

Underpromise and Over-deliver

This tip for setting expectations parallels A-B-C expectations, and I use it with ALL of my clients. Realize that Murphy’s Law is always potentially in effect. Any and all plans can be unintentionally impacted at any given moment. As such, make sure that you give yourself more time than you need to get things accomplished. Even if you won’t need it, it’s better to give yourself some wiggle room for whatever you need to do.

In my profession, flexibility is key, especially when it comes to project deadlines. Some clients, however, aren’t as flexible as I’d like them to be. So, when I give them projections for timelines, I always – ALWAYS – build in time for unforeseen issues to occur. Inevitably, a delivery will be late, something will malfunction, or weather will not cooperate. I’ve learned to not stress about these things happening because I anticipate them before quoting clients. What does this look like? Even if I a project will take two weeks, I build in a week or two extra to ensure I have time to handle any problems that may occur. If the project is done earlier than quoted, clients are extremely happy. I, in turn, build further trust with them and develop a stronger, positive rapport for my brand. I never want to let anyone down, and I don’t want to let myself down, either. This tip helps me avoid both!

Hold Yourself Accountable

Perhaps the biggest tip for effectively setting expectations is doing what you say you’re going to do. Hold yourself accountable to the commitments you make. It’s the baseline for trust in both personal and professional relationships. And, it’s one of the oldest and most effective ways to build personal character and develop great networks.

So many people have been disappointed because professional partners or friends negated to follow through on a promise or goal. Again, when that trust is habitually broken or lost, it can be difficult to regain it. Do whatever it takes. There are so many tools at your access to help if you need them. I set frequent reminders for some things, jot things down in planners, and even have assistants to remind me of priority items. No, I don’t have a problem remembering. However, it is extremely important to me that I follow through with all I commit to doing. Having a few backup reminders to keep things on track has only helped me meet all of the expectations I set for myself.

Setting expectations and meeting them doesn’t have to be difficult. It does have to be intentional, though. Only you can control what you do or don’t do. Set yourself up for success with these tips, and find yourself in a much happier, more accomplished position in your career and personal life!

The Makings of Custom Designed Tubs

If you asked ten people to define passion as it relates to one’s work, you’d get ten different answers. Interior design has been close to my heart for so long that the essence of that word has shifted many times. Currently, “passion” means challenging myself to go beyond what feels comfortable within the world of design. When you have a dream that requires greatness, you study, you practice and you give your all to master the skill. Once you’ve done that it becomes easy to rest in it, to bask in the acquiring of that hard earned prowess. But try and try as I might, I just don’t find contentment in complacency.

It is most certainly because of that personality characteristic that I find working on large scale construction projects so fulfilling. It pushes me as a designer in ways not much else truly does. When I take these types of jobs, I have to think about creating visually impactful design because many of these are multi-million dollar homes which leave no room for ordinary.

Creating custom designed tubs was born out of a combination of my desire to make luxury accessible, as well as my displeasure with the variety of options available on the market. I was walking into spaces I’d remodeled and transformed into beautiful havens with gorgeous architecture, only to find tubs that simply failed to impress. I couldn’t reconcile the idea of an average piece in an exceptional room. In my mind I could picture tubs with distinct features that would bring life to these areas. So instead of dreaming about them, I’ve decided to create them!

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Accepting Change: How to Get Better At It

The Greek philosopher Heraclitus noted that the only constant in life is change. I think we ALL know this to be true in this COVID-19 existence we’re experiencing. Accepting change, especially abrupt circumstances such as this pandemic, can be more than a notion. Any disruption to our definition of “comfort” can make anyone uneasy. However, throughout this time of quarantine, and even before, I’ve considered some roots behind my own feelings regarding change. Here’s what I realized.

Difficulties of Change

Our responses to change depends a great deal on the circumstances. For me, getting a divorce was one of the biggest life changes I never expected. That change was HARD! It took a serious toll on me mentally and emotionally. I fought it for the longest time because being a single mom was NOT the life I planned for. I think that’s the biggest reason why people have a hard time accepting change. We simply don’t want it.

Fear and uncertainty fuel much of our apprehension to new or different circumstances. Change makes things uncertain, and security is one of our basic needs as humans. Change also threatens our peace and forces us to face the unknown. That can be ridiculously scary, as we all have experienced recently with COVID-19. What do you do when you’re not sure what you can hold on to, or if there will even be anything TO hold on to?

Accepting change can be extremely painful. For me, that was the worst part of my divorce. Though it was the best thing for everyone involved, that didn’t erase the hurt while going through it. I’m so grateful that I had good friends I could run to and talk things over. Having regular check-ins was one of the most powerful tools I had at my access, and it’s one that helps me deal with change in all areas of my life. Talking things out allows me to vocalize my fears, and bringing those fears to light gives them less power. Communication is a tool that keeps our minds from making up things internally, reinforcing resistance to change.

Accepting Change Like a Crow

I read a meme somewhere about accepting change like a crow, and that piqued my curiosity. I found out that crows have a natural curiosity. When faced with a challenging task, they seem to have an innate understanding that they may have to think differently about solving the problem. Their natural curiosity helps them to regularly consider how to do things beyond what they typically know. That process of thinking makes so much sense to me. It’s something I think we humans can learn from them when considering change in our lives.

It’s also interesting that when a crow discovers something new, others in the flock will observe it to learn from whatever happens. I think if we did the same in all of our experiences, we would be better people. When change happens, good or bad, it would behoove us to expect to gain something from it for ourselves. If the result is positive, we learn about things we’re maybe good at or enjoy. If it’s a negative result, we also get a better understanding of our needs, desires or areas for improvement.

I also discovered that crows adapt to any environment they’re in, and they will eat almost anything. Because of this, they can survive practically any situation they find themselves in. How much strength would we gain within ourselves if we knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that we would survive any change that happened in our lives? That’s so empowering! It’s a challenge I’ve presented to myself, and I love having that perspective as change happens in my life. No matter what happens, I can handle it, and I will survive. Not only will I survive, but I will THRIVE throughout and beyond it!

Accepting change may never be easy, but neither is it impossible. Expecting change is the best preparation, and that preparation will only help you be more successful when it occurs. Talk out your fears and concerns with a trusted confidant, and make plans to secure your needs should the unforeseen happen. Believe that whatever change happens, it will usher you to a good, maybe even better, place in life.

Kids Fashion: I Let the Cute Clothes Go (Sort of)

We moms have such different takes on kids fashion. I get it. On one hand, we want our littles to be in the cutest outfits for the snazziest photos. On the other hand, kids grow up so fast that there’s no need to put a ton of money into their clothes. By the time they wear outfits a few times, it’s time to get larger sizes. Initially I considered myself in the first group of moms. After a while, though, I decided to let go of “cutesy” clothes. Sort of.

Style as a Strategy

Dressing my boys up in adorable kids fashion has always been fun for me as a mom. I enjoyed the great photoshoots and matching-mom moments. To be honest, I REALLY had a great time finding outfits for my boys, especially matching outfits. But there were other reasons to strategize style for them as infants.

I had an ulterior motive for dressing my kids up in cute kids fashion. It had to do with societal acceptance in moments of kiddy meltdowns. I realized early on that people more easily forgave bad kid behavior when children are dressed well. As a parent and observer, I know this to be true. A baby crying like a banshee gets quicker acceptance and forgiveness from strangers if they’re in cute clothes. On the contrary, a kid with a runny nose in an unkempt Batman pajama set gets more of a side-eye and turned-up nose, generally speaking. So do the parents. I think that stinks, but it’s what happens.

Changing Tides

My boys started molding their own individual tastes, and I saw them changing mentally. I noticed that my oldest son, Kingsley, began putting more emphasis on clothes that were important to him. He liked certain shirts with superheroes because a character was “a good guy, and he’s my favorite.” More and more he began choosing his clothes based on who he wanted to be that day. He wanted to become more responsible for his own choices, and I didn’t want to stunt that.

That’s not to say it was easy for me. It was actually very difficult for me to let go of dressing my boys at first. I put a lot of intentionality into selecting pieces for their wardrobes. Visual representation has always been extremely important to me in all aspects of my life, including my family. Plus, I just loved dressing my boys in matching outfits. I sensed that they started resenting it, though, and I didn’t want to be next. It wasn’t worth the fight.

So, instead of dressing Kingsley up in the kids fashion I deemed appropriate, I let him dress himself. Oftentimes that meant he went to school looking more like a homeless child in my opinion, but it’s what he wanted. Besides, I honestly didn’t care what other parents may have thought about him. I knew he was still a sweet, considerate boy in whatever clothes he wore. The “cute kid clothes” era faded slowly to black.

Reflections

Looking back, I realize I was inevitably teaching him the wrong thing about acceptance and what it meant to “present” himself to others when I dressed him up. Kids shouldn’t necessarily have a mindset of being “put together” when it comes to how others see them at school. They shouldn’t worry about portraying this perfectionist version of themselves. Kids should just be kids! They should wear what’s comfortable to run, play and have fun in. As he matured, I sort of matured in that vein of dressing him.

Kids fashion should reflect individual, internal authenticity. Instead of focusing on how cute Kingsley could dress, I wanted his personality and inner beauty to shine brighter. I wanted him to focus more on his self-expression as he did more associating with kids in grade school.

Back Again…A Little

In this crazy COVID-19 world, I’ve been able to balance the world of kids clothing and growing independence with my boys. I tend to lean more towards matching or coordinated outfits for them when we are intentionally on social media projects, but I let them go against the grain off camera. On days that they have to match, I let Kingsley pick an outfit one day, Kensington the second day, and Mommy gets to pick on the third day. It’s a balance we can all live with.

Indulging in cute kids fashion is a fun thing to do with your children if you enjoy the visual appeal of it. At a certain point, though, you have to realize your kids aren’t you, and you have to let them find their independence. There’s a natural cycle to it, moms. When it’s time to let the cute clothes go, let them go.

COVID-19 – We’ve All Got Something In Common!

Once upon a time on this planet, before COVID-19 ran rampant around us, the world focused on all of the divisive elements of life that kept us separated. Competition and the battle between the haves and the have-nots seemed to permeate all cultures around the world. Moreover, people generally believed they were in better or worse situations because of what they did or didn’t have.

Quarantine life changed all of that. While everyone is experiencing it very differently, I’ve found some really great commonalities expressed in so many communities. Here are some thoughts about my experiences.

Moms and Non-moms Unite

Before COVID-19, the lives of moms and non-moms were often seen as opposite as night and day. I’m sure both felt their needs were drastically different from each other, also. This time in quarantine has shown me something very different, though. Never have I felt, as a parent, so much support from non-parents! This is one of the first times in my life that almost every phone call I get from non-mom friends is dripping with empathy and understanding.

It’s been a good thing for us parents. We need that validation from non-parents sometimes. This quarantine is no exception. It means a great deal to hear someone say, “Oh my gosh – I cannot imagine! What do you need?” It’s also a relief to see supportive responses like my friend Rory’s hilarious tribute to moms during the quarantine. It’s like she REALLY gets it, and she knows the perfect cure for our situation! Gestures like hers make our experiences a little less stressful.

That support goes right back to non-parents. At least, it does for me and my mom friends. I’ve heard myself say a few times, “this is definitely a time NOT to have kids!” I’ve received a few nods from mom friends on that, too! It’s this reciprocal understanding that’s been amazing to see and experience. We’re all no longer sensitive about our lifestyle choices and differences. We realize no group has it better than the other.

Reaching Out Matters

That concern for others has extended beyond my mom groups. I’ve been reminded to check on my friends and family members who are single. It’s been important for me to reach out to them during this time of COVID-19 to ensure they aren’t feeling lonely or isolated. I’ve also had some old friends reach out to me to make sure I’m not drowning in the craziness of life right now. Touching base with people I haven’t had time to connect with has been nourishing, both mentally and emotionally. It’s made me realize how solid my support circles are–and should remain.

Generally speaking, I think the entire world now realizes the importance of connecting with others. It’s even more important when physical connection isn’t an option. To know that we are all okay, that we all sense, feel and share the human experience…these are ideals that transcend our circumstances.

The Great Equalizer

Times of tragedy or hardship typically bring us all together. We saw that as a nation with 9/11 and major weather catastrophes that happen each year. We saw it locally with the wildfires in LA last year. In the worst of times, we often see the best of humanity. During those times, “love thy neighbor” takes on a completely different meaning. Meaningless things tend to fade to black, while love, care and support step to the front.

While we shouldn’t need a tragedy to bring everyone together, a really nice by-product of the COVID-19 pandemic is the ease with which we all have been able to unite, despite our differences and life circumstances. We have all realized that there’s no such thing as “greener grass.” You have your yard, and I have mine. And what we all want more than ever is to play together and enjoy each other in SOMEONE’S yard.

Many things that mattered before this pandemic no longer do. Other things, like abundant support for each other, matter like never before. It’s what we all have in common, and I hope that we stay focused on that long after this situation changes for us all.

A Response to a National Crisis

What do you say when it feels like there isn’t much left to say? Well, sometimes you say nothing at all.

If you’ve noticed I haven’t been very vocal online about the present issues our country is facing, this post is for you. It would be extremely easy to assume from the outside that my silent contemplation equates to apathy.

That’s not true at all.

My silence is rooted in sorrow. However, that silence is not an indication of a neutral stance or dismissal of the injustice of George Floyd’s murder. His murder was heinous, abhorrent and heartbreaking. I’m uncompromisingly firm on that.

An issue a little more complicated? My kids. If I’m honest, I just don’t want to confront this with my boys. Before my DMs are flooded with outcries expressing how irresponsible or offensive that might be for some…know that I’m aware it’s a controversial choice. I don’t owe anyone an explanation, but I value the transparency I’ve tried to maintain with my readers, family and friends.

The unveiling of the realities around what happened to Mr. Floyd will undoubtedly strip my sweet little boys of the innocence I would prefer them be allowed to hang onto at least a little while longer. I’m trying desperately to achieve that. Did that get an eye roll out of you? Keep reading.

Every single one of us has had our opinions and views of the world informed by our own experiences, much of which involve our personal upbringing. That said, consider my history: I’m a biracial woman who was transracially adopted by two white parents. My adopted siblings are biracial. I have two black sons. Let all of THAT sink in.

It’s safe to say I have a unique story. And, while it may be hard for many to understand and believe, my first real encounter with racism didn’t happen until I was in my 20s. Shocking, I know. My parents went well out of their way to ensure I experienced minimal adversity from racial issues and matters. I’m not ashamed to tell you that my life was sheltered, and I lived in my safe, shielded bubble until the racial incident I alluded to. It wasn’t that race didn’t exist; it simply wasn’t something that regularly penetrated my bubble. I look at my two little ones, and everything inside of me wants to keep them in a similarly safe place until I absolutely can’t anymore, and I have to burst their bubble.

Everyone’s rage about the murder of George Floyd is valid, warranted and right. I am standing in solidarity with us all, hoping for justice. I want to protect US. I can also, at the very same time, want to protect my boys.

So here I am, so saddened by the loss of that precious human life, the one that called for his mama before taking his last breath. I’m saddened by the hurt and heartbreak that is palpable in the peaceful and not-so-peaceful protests. Call me naive or idyllic, but I long for the “someday” that so many civil rights activists spoke of so long ago. I’m still hoping I’ll see it in this lifetime…or my children’s.

Parenting Advice During COVID-19: My Insight as a Mom

This time in quarantine has been eye-opening, and probably life-changing, for most of us. With schools and many of our offices and businesses closed, one of the things we’ve all had more of is time…inside….around the same people…every…day. If you’re a parent, those same people are most likely your kids. I’ve learned a lot about myself and my boys during this time. As such, I wanted to provide some parenting advice that I would give moms and dads, should this situation ever happen again.

The Kids are Good. Seriously.

Here in LA, I know a lot of mom circles have this thing about rules and order. They LOVE them! We’re all guilty of being helicopter parents to some degree. One thing this recent quarantine has taught me is that there’s a time and place for hand-holding “rules.” Being at home with your kids 24/7 is neither the time nor place to stick to them.

My first piece of parenting advice is just that. During unprecedented circumstances, let the rules go. Your kids will be okay. And, with a little flexibility, you will, too! A little TV and some chocolate are completely fine. As long as it keeps them content while you get things done, I **promise** it’s okay. The reality is, something like COVID-19 threw us all off balance. You can’t expect your kids to do life as normal when the rest of the world isn’t.

I found during this time that my boys were completely okay with playroom activities in their rooms. To my surprise, they actually got more creative. I actually saw their independence and maturity flourish. When I required more of them, both of them happily obliged most times. Your kids will adapt to your new norm, as you have most likely had to do. Go with that flow, parents!

Let your “Mom Guard” Down

Speaking of having guards down, I’ve seen a huge paradigm shift in the global mom community. When T. Lopez and I started Mom Life Yo radio show, we were the outsider moms in leather jackets with buns in our hair. We didn’t have it all together, and I felt like we were seen as anomalies in some LA mom circles. During this quarantine, I have seen MANY moms FINALLY let their guards down on so many levels. It has been refreshing to see! That would be my next piece of parenting advice.

It hasn’t always been socially accepted for moms to be seen as chill and relaxed parent figures. I think the quarantine has allowed (or forced) many moms to reconsider what really matters when it comes to “good” parenting. This quarantine has softened the mom community in a good way. We are much more forgiving of everyday parenting follies. In the world before COVID-19 and quarantines, I feel like “mean moms” were more prevalent. Mom text and chat groups have grown to be super understanding, supportive of each other, and extremely action-based. We have learned to come to each other’s rescue, and it’s been so beautiful to experience.

My parenting advice to moms? Lean on each other. Share ideas. Vent frustrations. Be vulnerable. Only we know and truly understand the struggle. Let that be a new mantra for us all, both during quarantine and beyond.

Find YOUR Groove

I finally have some parenting advice for those who are working parents like myself. I so wasn’t ready for my typical longer-than-normal work days combined with 24/7 mommy duties. Most likely none of us were. The key for my life and sanity while quarantined was finding my own daily groove and molding life around what works best for me.

I learned to keep habits that I needed, change processes as required, and adapt however it was necessary to maintain my business and family. For me, that first meant pivoting quickly and committing to a new home office. I created a new daily routine that, as I mentioned earlier, meant a quick breakfast and some cartoons while I checked emails and in-progress design projects. It meant scheduling activities with the boys along with Zoom meetings. Yes, it was was a bit of a strategic dance. Once we all got it down, though, everyone understood the daily rhythm.

Honestly, I know there are many parents who may not maneuver their homes and families during extended periods of time as I did. And that’s okay! That’s my final piece of parenting advice for close-quarters living with kids. Know that your actions will affect your kids and vice versa. Process the time and experience in ways that maintain the best environment for you all, whatever that may look like. Learn what engagement looks like and feels best for your children, and teach them what needs to happen for you to be your best self, personally and professionally. Check-in with them often, and be sure to check-in with yourself regularly, also.

We all listen to the beat of our own drums. In close-quarters living, it is so important to recognize your rhythm and the rhythm of others. Accept theirs, and know that they will learn yours. In time, however long that time is, all of your drum patterns will sync harmoniously! Good luck, mom and dad!