Author: manager

My mind is such an interesting space. It’s so full of ideas, itineraries, to-do’s and think-aheads. When I’m spending time with my boys, though, my mind is a place of curious wonder directed at them. It’s an amazing experience watching boys grow up, but it’s also full of questions when I think about what is to come for them.

I think a great deal about who they will be and what they will do as grown men, so I’m constantly gauging their interests to see what their little hands, brains and energy levels naturally gravitate towards. It’s an awesome exercise in patience and observation, like watching tiny sprouts develop from underground potential to beautiful garden flowers. Here are a few things I felt like sharing when it comes to helping kids kindle those sparks of talent and interest.

Watch Them, and Watch What They Watch

Babies and kids are constantly filling their sensory canvasses with all of the new things their eyes, ears and hands experience: bubbles, bouncing balls, colors and the list goes on. It’s important that you pay attention to what captures their interests throughout the various stages of development. Does s/he freeze and give all their attention to a tune when they hear it? Are they completely enthralled in playing with cars? Do they absolutely love the jungle gym at the park? These could be some key indicators of future passions or interests.

Introduce Your Kids To New Things Consistently

From the places you go to the things you do, give your kids new sensory experiences regularly. Whether it’s the aquarium or a boat ride in the Pacific, my boys love visiting different places and experiencing new things in- and outside of their regular cultural experiences. This past Christmas, I decided to gift the boys with several instruments instead of the usual toys. I had no idea if the boys would get into them or not, but I wouldn’t know until I tried. They each got drums and a cymbal. They still use them today as go-to “toys.”

I also recently introduced them to puzzles. My youngest son adores them, and I’ve found that he tends to like more analytical activities like building and putting things together, opening a complicated box, etc. His older brother, not so much. But the key is that they tried it! Everything won’t be for every kid, and that’s perfectly fine.

Encourage Their Exploration!

Being inquisitive is an innate part of every child, so use that to your (and their) advantage when tapping into the things that get their attention. Ask them questions as they engage in various activities, and encourage them if you see that they’re genuinely interested in what they’re doing. As their parent, you’re one of the most influential people in their lives. Your support will bolster their freedom to discover more about their activities and, consequently, themselves.

This is especially true if your kids are interested in things that are outside of stereotypical norms. In 2017, I think it’s important that we stop sending the message that some things are for males and others are for females. Your daughter may be the next female soccer star, or your son may be the next male ballet star. You never know! Do not give in to the false notion of gender-specific creativity. Let kids be kids, and allow them to find themselves without boundaries!

Avoid Projecting Your Passions – and Fears!

We’ve seen it play out in television shows and movies for years: the parent wants his/her child to walk in his footsteps, take over the family business, live out the deferred dreams of the parents…but all of that is wrong! You are not your child, and vice versa. Allow your kids to have their own fascinations and enthusiasm for what’s in their hearts, even if it’s not something you like or enjoy.

I’ve experienced both sides of this coin. My boys have seen me DJ in the house, and they’ve expressed interest in “playing” with my turntables. I love that they enjoy the art of it, even if it is more about the music on the surface.

On the other hand, I find it challenging to be open to my boys playing sports because of the injury risk, though I love the idea of it and recognize the benefits. We did soccer for a season, and I thought it was great for two energetic boys. I can also appreciate something like martial arts that will help them protect themselves and others in a physical way. While sports won’t be my first choice as a protective mom, what they like will ultimately be up to them. I will support them regardless.

Our kids’ talents and interests will change and evolve throughout their lifetimes, but we should be engaging them in every stage of them growing and developing. Be there for them and allow them to discover their truest selves with your support.

Say the word “youth” and you’ll conjure up completely different thoughts and emotions from every single person within earshot. Some will immediately think of today’s young people, allowing their opinions to flood with either disgust at the de-evolution of morality and respect, or a wishfulness and optimism about what is to come. Others will find their minds focused toward themselves and the personal experiences that marked their growing up.

Childhood is such a delicate time in one’s life, because these years are when some of our greatest developmental milestones are met. The brain is still so malleable, and our ideas and concepts are ever-changing. The pliable and easily influenced nature of a young mind is exactly why it needs protecting. Kids are little sponges. They look to other children, adults and the world around them for cues on what to do, how to behave and what’s acceptable; and while children are resilient, one wrong move can have lasting negative effects.

I’ve talked before on my blog about my determination to raise sons who will grow up respecting and appreciating women. I don’t think I’ve ever shared my desire to allow my sons the space in their maturation to be the sweet, carefree black boys they naturally are. I watch them both with each other and their friends. They run along the water’s edge at the beach, laughing and screaming out in excitement. They strum their guitars making up silly songs with their heads thrown back, eyes closed, having the time of their lives. They watch skateboarders from their seats in our cargobike as we ride along the boardwalk, eyes wide with wonder. I look at them taking in life, both theirs and others’, my gaze taking on a more shielding quality with each passing moment. I’m realizing that while they’re my littles, my babies, they’re growing so quickly. It won’t be as easy to refer to them as babies very soon. They are forming their own opinions about everything, and they often ask me questions while doing so. My answers will inevitably shape the way they think about the topic of interest. It can often feel like a ton of pressure.
It should.

If we want to raise our sons and daughters to be open-minded, kindhearted and tolerant, we must own our responsibility and role in that process. I’m finding that this often involves the proverbial holding up of a mirror so that we quite literally “see” ourselves. We have to self monitor our reactions and responses to things that our carefree sons and daughters haven’t yet attached a meaning to. No matter where you stand on more controversial issues, a little boy showing interest in polishing his nails or toenails while watching mommy do it isn’t suggestive of anything but a fascination with pretty colors. A child asking questions about bodies appearing in different sizes or colors isn’t a reason to clam up and be embarrassed; it’s indicative of a natural curiosity and tendency to compartmentalize. That’s something we’ve all experienced at that age. Boys and girls deciding on favorite colors, hobbies, friends and clothing sometimes proves nothing other than they’re breathing, learning, keen beings. That should be celebrated, not suppressed.

It is so important that we let children be children. Adults have to stop projecting their fears and ideas onto little ones who are too young to cognitively process that which they do not understand. Many of us are blessed to have children who are untroubled and unaffected by societal ills. I think it’s crucial that we value that and allow our behavior to follow suit.

I hope my sons will grow into young men who make intelligent, well-thought-out decisions and opinions of their own, but I know that’s not something that happens haphazardly. Children are like flowers. They need just enough of all the right ingredients to grow and thrive. We have to be deliberate about how we nurture them. I’m aware that some of the choices I make with my boys may puzzle others. They see all of mommy’s beautiful heels lined up in my wardrobe and occasionally, one of them will go jokingly trotting around the house in them. They also try on my sneakers. So what am I to think when I see this? I can tell you what i do think:

“I’m doing a good job. They are having a blast!”

Their smiling faces, well-adjusted attitudes and unprejudiced views on the people we see daily are all proof of that, and those things are all that matter.

Christmas and holiday time mean so many different things to everyone. Some people love it and look forward to it each year, while others face it with dread and stress. Like many others, I land somewhere right in the middle. I adore the holidays, but right as they approach I remember that there are no magical elves, and (cover the kids’ eyes) there is no Santa. It’s just me with a long to-do list, and that can feel daunting. Despite all the errands and tasks, a conversation with a friend inspired my reflection on what Christmas means to me, and it brought up so many great memories.

A Fond Look Back

One of my fondest childhood memories is something my parents started that I still do today. Growing up in my parents’ home, my siblings and I all had several smaller presents under the tree, but there was always one bigger one for each of us. It was placed away from all the others, and we opened it last. It was the best feeling, ever. It’s easy to get caught up in all the other smaller presents, but knowing that there was this one very special gift, one with purpose, had us all waiting with bated breath! Whether it was a beautiful bracelet or a voucher for travel, we all looked forward to opening our unique present. I enjoyed it so much that I do this with my own kids today.

Developing Traditions

My family has created several Christmas traditions down through the years, and they all bring a smile to my face. One of my favorites is something that my dad does each year. Every Christmas he buys matching pajamas for all of us, and it’s the one gift we get to open on Christmas Eve. They’re always holiday themed and usually red and green. We spend the entire day in our pajamas, and it’s awesome! We’ve even gone to visit other families in our pj’s, much to their perplexity. What can I say? It’s Christmas, and we’re with family. Comfort is key!

Another great one is a privilege we enjoy because we live in sunny California. We go out to the beach on Christmas day! Put me anywhere near a body of water and I’m thrilled, so this is always one of the best parts of the day.

I think it’s important for new families to create and establish their own traditions. It’s such a fun way to celebrate with one another, and it yields invaluable memories for decades to come. Sometimes parents become obsessed with making this “thing” or that “thing” a tradition, and it feels a bit contrived. With my own kids, I pay lots of attention to what they’re organically drawn to and interested in.

My boys are only two and four years old, so we’re still growing into a lot. Nevertheless, they already have their preferences! I’ve noticed my oldest really enjoys decorating the tree together, so we make that into a family activity. The kids love making gingerbread houses and stringing popcorn together to use as decoration for the tree, and it’s a great way to spend the days leading up to the holiday. It isn’t about the actual activity as much as it is about the meaning behind it. Doing things together and creating memories around them make for warm and fuzzy retrospection.

My Favorite Things

Amid the hustle and bustle that can often overtake everyone during this time of year are some of my absolute cherished parts of the holidays. I look forward to the joyful Christmas music playing all around. I love the good food and hot cocoa shared with people I love. We adore going to see all the beautiful lights and Christmas trees around town, and the cheerful spirit that abounds.

Perhaps one of my favorite parts about the holidays is that it puts me in a charitable mood. It really is a time to be grateful for all we have and the friends and family we treasure. We do a lot of giving back all year, but Christmas is the perfect time to dial it up even more so. We participate in a blanket drive that benefits the homeless in our area, and it’s one of the things I anticipate anxiously each year.

The holidays can be tough for some, but there is no denying the beauty it holds as well. There are so many things to look forward to, and even more to be thankful for. I’m hoping you all have a lovely time celebrating in any way that feels right to you. I know I will!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

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Divorce is never easy for anyone, parents and kids included. But it can be especially difficult during the holidays, when many people spend the majority of their time with collective families. Many tough decisions have to be made, and that can be a challenge for divorced parents who want to spend as much time as they can with their kids. That’s where I am right now, but I’ve found some ways to make the time and decisions more manageable. They may not work for every family or every situation, but considering them may help spark some things to help make co-parenting better for your family.

Focus on the Kids!

I think this is the most important thing to consider when making decisions for the holidays. Whether things with you and your ex are amicable, or if they’re not so friendly, you have to put all of that to the side to make the holidays joyful and happy for your kids. They are the most important people in your choices. What are you showing them with your actions? What will they detect in your tone when you speak to your ex? What do you want to teach them in decision-making moments? How are you showing them you want them to have a happy holiday? Your children are extremely perceptive, and they will hone in on everything. Make sure that you as parents are both exhibiting positivity that lets your children know you’re putting them, not yourselves and your feelings, first.

Communication is Crucial

Communicating with your ex can be very difficult this time of year, but it is so necessary. Even if talking to your kids’ father or mother isn’t easy, it is imperative to put all of your “adult” things to the side. Aside from birthdays, Christmas is probably the most child-focused celebration your kids experience each year, and they depend on you two to make them smile in some way.

That said, choose to communicate with your ex-spouse with this in the forefront of your mind: the holidays are not about you, your ex, the painful memories or unmet expectations of the past. Make a plan to talk in a sit-down meeting–with mediators, if necessary. Or, have a phone meeting with calendars in hand and talk through plans. Sincerely agree to consider each other’s thoughts. Whatever way works, just do it. Not communicating should never be an option. That will only breed confusion, angst and possibly animosity toward each other. That can potentially ruin your holiday, and it will definitely impact your kids’ time with you both.

Set a Schedule

This, perhaps, is probably the second most important thing to do, because it sets clear expectations and understandings about who will have the kids, and when. I would suggest doing this as early as possible. Waiting until the week (or days) before can be stressful and cause unnecessary issues if one parent has mentally planned earlier.

Some divorcees choose to do an “every other year” schedule. For me, it was important that my boys spend time with both of their parents on Christmas, and it worked out well. It has required sacrifice for us both as parents, but again, the day wasn’t about us. I gave up Christmas Eve night so the boys could wake up at their dad’s; then, they came to my house mid-morning to do Christmas morning with me. Parent perk for me: I didn’t have to wake up in the middle of the night to play Santa, which was pretty nice.

The rest of the day was also split between our families. The boys got to spend Christmas day with me and my parents, and my ex picked them up that evening to have dinner with him and his parents. While this may not work for everyone, the goal is to find a schedule that works for both families.

Set Expectations for Kids’ Gifts

Parents have the tendency to go overboard with gifts for their children during this season. To eliminate the appearance of trying to buy your kids’ affection, decide jointly on a budget for presents. Whether that’s $5 or $500, agree to spend equally. Also, consider communicating what you plan to purchase. You will avoid buying duplicate gifts if your child asks for the same thing from both of you.

Give Your Ex a Gift

While gift giving with exes can be tricky, it doesn’t have to be. Think of ways to allow your children to take part in sharing presents with their parent. I have younger kids, so last year the kids and I picked something out for my ex and put their names on it. But I also wanted my boys to have a moment to do something more personal for their dad. I let them put Spider-Man stickers, a pencil, and a whistle in his gift bag. They felt good knowing they created something for their dad, and it was special for all of them.

Surround Yourself with Loved Ones

This tip isn’t necessarily about co-parenting, but I’ve found some divorced parents don’t understand how important this is until they’re in the moment, unfortunately. Inevitably, there will be moments–or even days–when you will not be with your kid(s). In those moments, silence can be extremely loud. Having understanding and support during these difficult times is essential to emotional and mental stability. It can be tempting to sink into isolation during lonely periods, and to me, there’s nothing worse than feeling alone on Christmas or during the holidays. So if it’s not your year to have your kids during Christmas, spend it with extended family. Being surrounded by other people will help you through the holidays and any loneliness you may feel. It was definitely a help for me.

There are some harsh realities about divorce that may not go away for awhile, if ever. Separate celebrations tend to be a part of life in divorced households. But that doesn’t mean that there’s any less love for your kids, and they need to know and hear that from both of their parents, especially during the holidays. They need to know that both of you will always be a part of their lives., regardless of challenging schedules. Secure for them that Santa will always be Santa, Mom will always be Mom, Dad will always be Dad, and you all will NEVER stop being a family.

Ah, social media. Lots of people have a love-hate relationship with it. Most of us visit sites like Instagram, Facebook and Twitter regularly, checking out our friendship circles or posting photos that we wish to share with others. It’s so interesting to browse through and look at all the gorgeous pictures of pretty people and exotic locations, but it can often leave one feeling like there’s an impossible beauty standard to live up to. My style can sometimes be a conversation starter, because it’s admittedly a bit funky and out of the ordinary. Sometimes people even mistake me for being high maintenance, and I find that hilarious. That couldn’t be further from the truth; for that reason, though, I thought I’d talk a little about achieving “glam” effortlessly.

Moms are easily the busiest people I know. Our lives can be unpredictable and leave little room for a two hour primp session in the morning. We want to look good, but being stylish can feel unattainable when you’re operating on a sleep deficit and trying to keep up with tots all day. The good news is, it doesn’t always require a ton of time and effort to get glammed up! I’ve learned a few tips and tricks, and I can’t wait to share them with my fellow supermoms.

The first piece of advice deals with hair. Sure, anyone can look gorgeous when they have time to wash, flatiron and curl or go for a brazilian blowout. Who realistically can commit to that on a daily basis, and even if you could, be honest… would you want to? Instead of trying to procure Rapunzel’s flowing locks, opt for a bun! My go-to is a huge messy bun or topknot. The bigger the better! It’s ideal because it requires little effort, accentuates your facial features and doesn’t need to be perfect. Pull that hair up and rock the bun with confidence. If you wear it along with some of my other tips, everyone will think you totally planned it as a style.

Perhaps one of the most important things any stylish mom can own is a big pair of trendy sunglasses. They hide a multitude of sins! Sleep deprivation, a glass too many of your favorite wine or a late night crying fit can leave your eyes puffy, red and irritated. Throw on your shades, and no one will ever know. Bonus points if you rock a bright red or pink lippie with them! The pop of vivid, bold color will be so distracting that you won’t worry about what’s behind the shades. If you go for a really cute pair, you’ll find yourself reaching less and less for concealer, as everyone will be complimenting you on your specs! I own several cool pairs of sunglasses, and–shocker alert!–I rarely pay more than ten dollars or so for them. I’m a mom with young kids. That means any fragile thing is in danger of being broken. No need to splurge for designer frames when I can rock inexpensive ones and change them with my mood!

Clothing is a biggie. A couple of my close girlfriends and I talk a lot about perception as it relates to moms, and how we never feel like we quite fit in with the “pastel mom groups.” I’m probably not what most think of when they picture mom style, but I make my style my own. Here is how I approach fashion: I’m much more comfortable going “rockstar” than pastel. This makes perfect sense to me, since moms are the biggest rockstars of all! Both groups live moment to moment, they both have busy lifestyles, and they both have tons of people who depend on them for specific services. Rockstar life it is! What does this have to do with fashion, you ask? Well when I have nothing to wear, I’m much more likely to reach for my edgy leather jacket than a frilly or even frumpy dress. Feel like just throwing on a t-shirt and jeans instead of the whole to-do with a blouse and matching trousers? Put a funky scarf on with it! I am more comfy in my dirty vans sneakers than a pair of stiletto heels any day.

Don’t be afraid to take risks with your fashion. The key to an easy mom glam is confidence and comfort. Our lifestyles don’t always allow for extended time to preen and beautify. Make the most of what you’ve got by throwing accessories into the mix (chokers, scarves, brightly colored shoes), rocking a messy bun and donning clothing you feel good in. I promise you’ll be having mini photo shoots with the little ones and walking a bit taller behind those shades while doing it!

So there are a few of my quick go-to’s. What are some of your easy glam tips and tricks?

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I love to travel. We’ve always been a family that frequently takes trips, both domestically and internationally. My career has required many plane trips in the past, and when I got pregnant, I had no intentions of slowing down. Plane trips can be a lot, even for adults, so the idea of taking your child on one can be a harrowing thought. Your mind floods with all the thoughts of the things that could go wrong, and you may almost decide to cancel that flight. I’ll wait until he’s a bit older, you think to yourself. Only that same thought occurs to you after a year has passed, and then another, until you realize that there will never be a perfect age or time. The time is now. So what can you do to ensure you have a good flight? Are there any guarantees? Let’s talk about ways to improve and survive baby’s first plane trip.

The first and perhaps best piece of advice I have has nothing to do with your child, and everything to do with you. You need to mentally prepare. Before the flight, days or weeks before the trip is scheduled, prepare. You are a parent with a kid, and kids are human. We all have to accept and acknowledge that just like us, our kids have emotions, and those emotions are not always positive ones. I know this isn’t what you’re hoping for, but let’s get real; your child might cry. You can’t let the possibility of that happening stop you from living your life, or you’ll never go anywhere! There are moms who have made travel kits for other passengers consisting of earplugs and candy, and they’ve passed them out during a crying spell. It’s a cute idea, and if you’re feeling especially insecure about handling a kiddie breakdown, a kit like that might be worth looking into. Above all else, make peace with it, peace with the likelihood of passengers being displeased, and come up with mantras you can say to yourself during those moments. If you’re mentally prepared, you won’t be thrown into a panic in the event that a meltdown occurs.

Now that we’ve looked at what to do prior to the trip and tackled the worst case scenario, let’s look at other things you can do to ensure a happy kiddie passenger. The next area deals with the airport portion of the trip. Invest in a great travel stroller. It needs to be one that you can take all the way to the gate! There are several on the market that you may find suitable, but my favorite is the City Mini GT. This one is lightweight enough to handle in an airport, and best of all? It folds with one hand. When you’ve got a million things to manage, the last thing you need is to add a stroller to the list.

Luggage is often another sore spot for parents traveling with children. Consider designating a bag solely for the child’s stuff. I love to make that bag a fun bookbag that the child (if old enough) can wear. This does a few things: first, it secures all of baby’s things in one place, so you don’t have to dig for them when you need them quickly. It also frees up space in your own bag. Think about it, even if their one little bookbag is filled with nothing but a giant stuffed animal-it’s one less item you have to stuff into your already full suitcase. Lastly, it gives them something to do and carry. Kids love to do what adults are doing. It gives them purpose and makes them feel important. Find a cute bag with their favorite cartoon or animal on it, and say things like, “Help mommy carry all these heavy bags!” and they will wear it proudly. Bonus points if you find one with a detachable tether.

Perhaps the most important thing you can do to make the plane trip as enjoyable as possible is to be prepared with all personal soothing items your child might need. I always bring my sons’ favorite toys, making sure to select ones that do not make noise. Your child might love the toy that lights up and dances and blows an airhorn at home, but the plane isn’t the place for it. Does he have a favorite book? Stuffed animal that he can’t sleep without? Those are the types of things to bring. Of course, in today’s digital world, everyone has a tablet of some sort. If your child is old enough to be entertained by a tv show or program of some sort, you’ll definitely benefit from having a few episodes loaded and ready to go. Keep snacks handy, opting to bring nibbles like Goldfish as opposed to messier ones like applesauce. Help yourself out as much as possible! As far as other items I bring, I defer to Eat-Poop-Sleep. Consider dressing your child in extra comfy clothing for longer flights. Adults may be fine in jeans or suits, but your little one may prefer pjs. Comfort is king in these situations.

Plane trips with children are challenging; no one can deny that. The first one is always a bit nerve wracking, but I’ve found that each subsequent one gets easier and easier. Remember that children are unpredictable, and no two days are going to be the same. Being prepared will increase the chances of a smooth trip more than anything else! Adjust your expectations to a realistic level and breathe through it. Some trips will be a breeze, and others might require purchasing the people next to you an apology cocktail; but no matter what, you will survive!