Breegan Jane, Author at Breegan Jane

Discovering and Developing My Kids’ Talents

It’s so interesting to watch two children, specifically two boys who are close in age, grow up in the same house, with the same parents and virtually the same experiences…and turn out so vastly different! It is also interesting learning how to parent those boys differently as their individual personalities and needs change. Developing my kids’ talents has been a journey, as I’m sure it is for most parents. I have one son whose gift, which may or may not follow him in life, seems to be blatantly apparent. Meanwhile, I’m still discovering and looking/listening for the other son’s interests and talents. Here’s how I’m finding my way, and theirs.

Talent discovery

I knew from the day he was born that my youngest son, Kensi, would be extremely physical. Don’t get me wrong: Kingsley, my oldest, is also athletic. But his brother had a next-level je ne sais quoi that was very evident. Family and friends noticed, also! One friend used to joke about how Kensi seemed to be the “baby Shaq” we hear about. Kensi has this fearless determination that helps him keep up with his brother despite their two-year age difference. Seeing this over the years makes me think he will put most of his energy into athletics throughout his life. It’s his natural gift.

Assessing Kinsgley seems to be more challenging for me, simply because his biggest asset, I’ve noticed, is kindness. He is and has always been a really kind and very sweet kid. That’s such an important personality trait nowadays. We live in an age of demonstrating emotional intelligence, both within and outside of the workspace. I know it will serve him well in his personal and professional lives. But that’s the challenge: there isn’t a direct professional focus I can tie to being sweet or kind. However, it makes me initially think he may go into the creative fields. He likes drawing and music, and he even enjoyed being in a play last summer. That’s where I am currently with Kingsley.

I’ve learned that developing my kids’ talents requires a great deal of observing, encouraging and asking questions. My job is to be open to however they respond, verbally or physically.

Equal exposure

When it comes to supporting my kids, I do something that may not resonate with all parents. I choose to make both of my boys participate in the same sports, together. Eventually, I may individualize activities. Right now, though, I want them both to try activities and be challenged by things they aren’t naturally gifted at.

For example, they are both learning Muay Thai. Kensi, again, is naturally gifted at it. Kingsley shows in subtle ways he’s not quite as interested; he gets distracted or bored very easily with it. Conversely, they both also attend weekly piano lessons. Although both boys are still very new at it, Kingsley always enjoys sitting down at the piano more than Kensi. Kensi isn’t disinterested, but he’s not taking to it like his brother.

It’s important to me that they both participate in things that don’t cater to their natural talents. I believe they need to be challenged to work at something that doesn’t always feel fun or easy. My hope is they will learn that they can get better at something by trying hard and working diligently. I recently watched a clip of Jerry Seinfeld discussing something similar with respect to skateboarding. His message is the lesson I ultimately want to instill as I continue developing my kids’ talents. Practice makes perfect, it builds character and it strengthens determination.

Assessing experiences and responses

Not only am I interested in helping my boys discover their talents, but I’m also very interested in how they respond to various parts of the journey. And boy, do they ever respond to being challenged!

As I mentioned, Kensi has such a strong determination to excel. When he doesn’t excel or master something quickly, his response is sometimes frustration and anger. Such was the case with one of his first rollerskating experiences. I guess he expected to put skates on and instantly be able to skate.

That didn’t happen. He fell. A lot!

Kensi had a hard time understanding the concept of balancing and moving on wheels. He couldn’t twirl. Standing was difficult, much less doing any tricks that he wanted to do. I think the worst part was he didn’t understand why he couldn’t just…do it! The result? An all-out, four-year-old tantrum.

The only thing that seemed to soothe Kensi on the way home was his brother’s kindness. Kingsley demonstrates frustration differently. He simply responds with an air of, “it doesn’t matter.” I’m not suggesting either response is better or worse. What’s important is what each child does with their frustration. Though my youngest allowed his anger to take over initially, he put those skates on every chance he could for a week, determined to learn how to skate.

Now that Kensi’s athleticism is standing out to everyone, I want to make sure that it’s not adding to his desire to give up on certain activities. As I continue developing my kids’ talents, it’s important for me to find balance in praising both boy’s efforts. That includes Kensi’s physical prowess and Kingsley’s drawing, supporting his friends, and being a sweet kid.

The journey continues

I’m learning so much about my boys, and I’m also learning a great deal about myself as a parent. I see so much of myself in both of them. I only hope that I help them find happiness in whatever excites them and helps them grow as young men.

Redefining Self-Care: Let’s Get Real!

Self-care has been a buzzword for some time now. Everybody recognizes the need to take a minute to check in with themselves and do something that feels good and promotes wellness. The thing is, self-care has pretty much become synonymous with experiences that are luxurious, such as spa days, staycations, winery retreats, etc. All of us moms know life doesn’t oftentimes allow us to stop for a quick staycation. And more times than not, we have many more family-focused things to spend money on than a spa day. So, for the mom who has too much on her to-do list, or too many moments with kids running around the house, I wanted to offer some “real,” everyday self-care activities.

Home happiness

If you break self-care down into its purpose and intention, it’s really all about doing something that will help make you happier and your life easier. As mentioned earlier, that can come in the form of a “treat yourself” special event. But, it can also be something that makes your life easier every day! That type of self-care can even be found inside the walls of your own home.

For me, self-care means getting small moments of time back. I find myself saying more times than I’d like to admit that I simply “don’t have time” to do things. What I’ve found, among other strategies, is if I take the time to organize myself and my life with new systems, I inevitably have time to do some other things! That started with setting myself up to have an easy, prepared morning routine.

My private moments are most often taken in my bathroom. So every week I make sure I have folded bath and face towels accessible by my bathtub. I set them beside my facial products, which are ordered in the way I plan to use them. Whenever I get up in the morning, I know that I can head to my bathroom and start my day versus running around the house to gather supplies. I’ve practically created my own little home spa every morning!

Minimize material “must-haves”

One of the other lifestyle choices I utilize as self-care is decluttering my life. When I have too much “stuff” around me, life literally and figuratively seems to move in closer to me, and I don’t feel as free. I’m sure other moms can relate to that. To combat that, and to free myself and my surroundings a bit, I’ve intentionally set to de-clutter things that aren’t necessities around my home.

I think that’s a key to realistic, everyday self-care. As humans, if we feel as if we don’t have a lot, or we don’t have much in terms of finances or things, we want to fill our lives and environment with physical or material trappings. Honestly, there’s nothing immediately wrong with that. But if your happiness begins to revolve around “stuff,” once stuff gets old, you’ll tend to want more stuff. Ultimately, collected clutter we can see turns into clutter that we feel, and that can definitely work against caring for what’s really important inside ourselves.

How has that worked in my life? Well, instead of using 10 beauty products, I now only use one. I organized my closets, and I found so many pieces of clothing that I don’t wear. So I’ve donated those items to people in need, and I have more space and organization in my life. It works out on all sides, and I feel within myself that I’ve done one more thing to take care of me and make life easier.

Examine the energy in your environment

You know one of the bigger thieves of our own self-care? OTHERS! We moms tend to take on the cares of the world sometimes. Again, that’s perfectly fine sometimes, especially if those cares involve your family. Beyond them, though, I think it’s good for women and moms to assess the energy they allow around themselves. That includes the entertainment we consume, the social media we engage, and the people with whom we associate and allow in our lives.

This will undoubtedly take some practice and intention for some because moms are wired to help any- and everyone in need. But as we are told on airplanes, it’s so important for us to put our own oxygen masks on first before assisting others. Simply put, moms, for your own self-care, you should reconsider taking on the troubles of others. This is especially important if dealing with the problems of others takes away your joy or brings you down.

It’s okay to create boundaries for yourself, and for your own health and happiness. Don’t feel bad about taking shelter from things that wear down your emotional well-being. You’re only obligated to the things that impact YOU and your world. Compartmentalize everything else, and watch yourself smile more and breathe a little easier.

Self-care is all about freeing yourself, for yourself. These are just a few real-life suggestions of things that can make life easier for you every day. Beyond these examples, though, take inventory of the things that will make you feel and be okay. I’d love to know other things you do in the name of self-care to bring balance to your life. I look forward to you sharing some of your “just for me” tools and tactics in the comments!

How Bold Design Choices Define My Brand

I love it when I can connect with other creatives and spark conversations around design. That happened recently during my trip to the Kitchen and Bath Industry Show (KBIS) a few weeks ago. Jane Dagmi, editor-in-chief of Designers Today, invited me to speak on a panel there. The experience reminded me of so many reasons why bold design exemplifies all that I do with my brand. I wanted to expound on that idea to provide insight into interior choices I make with and for my clients.

Venice vibes

As a Southern California girl, I have to admit that many of my bold design ideas stem from my surroundings. Los Angeles is vibrant with culture and color. More specifically, Venice Beach, with its colorful characters and diverse cultural influences, is and has always been an influence. I’m inspired by everything I see, and everything I’ve known since I was a child. There’s a freedom, an openness, throughout the city that speaks to me as a designer.

The diversity in Venice complements that freedom. The city is always bustling with newness and variety. To say that everyone is “different” here is a huge understatement. That translates throughout the city’s visual landscape. Avant-garde architecture and artistically curated coastal homes make the city a canvas on which any and all colors work well together. I take all of that and mesh it into various elements of home and interior design. The result? Creative concepts that are as daring as they are innovative.

Color-conscious clients

I also push the boundaries of bold design with colors. Most design projects start there for me. When I work with clients, I explain that every color has a subconscious appeal that stimulates brain activity and impacts emotions. That makes choosing home interior colors an important task. Shades of blue, for example, present social connotations and feelings that range from tranquil and peaceful to secure and independent. And depending on its tint or hue, yellow can exude warm, energetic feelings or sentiments of caution and insecurity.

Individual client personalities can change this altogether. Where one may see blue as calming, another may see it as lonely. That’s why it’s important for me to get to know my clients and truly discover who they are. In exploring what matters to them most and what they care about, I develop trust with them. Making bold choices then becomes a completely new adventure with each project!

The evolution of making bold statements in home projects is now the norm for my company. In the past, I spent a great deal of time trying to convince clients to make bold choices. It took a lot to suggest painting a wall or choosing colorful pillow accents. I’m now seeing more clients gravitate towards bold wallpapers that have a great deal of personality, and that’s awesome! I’ve even been able to use colored tiles in one of my ongoing projects. I love that clients are leaning into bolder color choices. I also love that they now see my brand as a trusted tastemaker and source of vibrant inspiration in home design.

Remarkable results

The trends that I see with respect to bold design choices span the gamut in interior design. People are not afraid to incorporate dark surfaces in their kitchens, which is a stark transition from traditionally lighter color schemes in that space. I am also seeing more fearless choices in multicolored faucet options, painted cabinetry and so much more. The spaces make very distinct presentations, but they also look and feel AMAZING when you walk into them. Even a different take on more traditional colors, such as black and white tuxedo kitchens, makes a bold statement within the contrast. I love the impact it can make in a home.

I love seeing more clients use bold-colored appliances in their homes. It’s such a bold statement because, again, it is unique and not overdone by the masses. I even got a chance to include some colored appliances in an episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition! The families did not expect them, and they absolutely adored the end result. It was love at first sight, and I smile knowing they will enjoy it for years to come.

Being a fearless designer is who I am, in the office and beyond. Making bold design choices is what I do. It is a product of my environment, my mindset, and my vision for my clients. I hone that passion with each project I work on, and I believe that will only strengthen my creativity and drive to be daring in design.

The Beauty of Kenyan Jewelry

It’s no secret that I am completely in love with the country of Kenya. The people, the land, the community…they’re all so warm and inviting. It’s why I fight diligently to protect young girls there from the atrocities of FGM. It’s also why I find it important to keep a part of the culture with me. One way I do so is with my growing collection of Kenyan jewelry. Each piece incorporates so much intentionality, and I want to cherish and share that whenever I can.

Cultural insight

During my visit to Kenya, I met members of the Maasai tribe. They’re a semi-nomadic people who live primarily in southern Kenya and northern Tanzania. Through conversations with them, and my own research since, I learned the importance of family and tradition shown in the elaborate Kenyan jewelry. Each piece tells a story of family, accomplishment, and cultural values of the wearer.

Maasai men and women wear the beaded jewelry. However, it is the duty of all Maasai women in the village to learn to make it. Each woman weaves into the jewelry statements that define her individual story or journey. Various facets tell much about the people wearing them. They show how many children women have (and gender) and even their economic status. The Maasai use some jewelry for specific ceremonies or rituals, such as weddings. The necklaces may also give insight into a woman’s village and design. The various geometric patterns represent different elements, especially when they’re made for visitors outside the village. Regardless, the cultural preservation makes these pieces such timeless, treasured heirlooms.

Colorful symbolism

Not only is Kenyan jewelry culturally relevant, but it is also BEAUTIFUL! I’m amazed at the intricate color patterns I see in the beaded Maasai bracelets and necklaces. I embraced my intrigue and decided to learn more when I realized the colors were selected with care, and they each hold a unique symbolism.

Red beads aren’t only chosen because they’re pretty, but because they may embody notions of bravery. Red symbolizes the unity of the tribal families and communities. It could also serve to represent the blood of cows slaughtered during celebrations, which ties back in with togetherness and communal harmony. The cows also represent the color white in Kenyan jewelry. Milk from cows is a staple in the Maasai diet, and it helps to nourish and strengthen members of the tribe. And, while white beads directly signify good health, they also promote notions of peace and purity.

Blue beads take the sky into account, which is important because it helps to nourish cattle by providing rainfall for the grass and earth. Other colors include green, which symbolizes the land and earth that provide food for the cows, and black, which embodies the color, solidarity, and harmony of the people. Colors like orange and yellow both reflect hospitality, as they are shades of the colors of gourds typically used to serve visitors cow’s milk. All of these colors mesh to make a poignant statement of love, respect, and appreciation for life and family. I love that.

Make a statement

When I wear my Kenyan jewelry, I hope to make more than a fashion statement. What I hope resonates is my connection to humanity and my desire to preserve all its goodness. The Maasai tribe does a tremendous job of that with their jewelry.

Having Courage is Vital for Your Success!

“You have to get through your fear to see the beauty on the other side.”

–Poppa, The Good Dinosaur

Franklin D. Roosevelt is famously known for having courage in a time of economic distress to state that American citizens had “nothing to fear but fear itself.” That’s a great thought and sentiment, but what should resonate is how he continued—

“…nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.”

How striking and bold are those words?! But that’s exactly what fear is in our lives. Fear keeps us from asking for what is rightfully ours. It tends to make us cower and not blossom when we need to. Further, it causes us to dwell on things that may happen, or consequences that could result from a situation. We often don’t take into consideration the difference having courage can mean for personal and professional advancement. I’ve taken deliberate steps to exhibit courage in my own life, and I think it’s important for anyone looking to achieve success to do the same.

Steps towards courage

I remember when I first learned about wines and the differences in their varieties. The wine list was exhaustive! I was so confused. I didn’t know what some things meant, much less how to pronounce them. I didn’t want to speak up and look unintelligent, cultured…STUPID! But you know what I realized? Not knowing how to pronounce a word didn’t make me stupid; it made me human.

I began admitting that I didn’t know certain things, and I needed help. I asked more questions, and I learned so much about the wine industry. I’m no sommelier, but I now have advanced knowledge about some of my favorite wines—all due to having courage and not letting the unknown stop me from moving myself forward.

In a nutshell, that’s how courage works. If you can face your fears head-on, no matter what form they may take in your life or career, you’ll soon show yourself that you can handle anything!

Courage can be uncomfortable

Here’s a hard reality: having courage can be extremely uncomfortable. This is especially true if you experience anxiety, meekness, fear, or a strong desire to avoid conflict and confrontations. Many people, especially us women, can have a hard time standing up for ourselves, particularly when the result could be raised voices or being seen in a different light. Do you know what’s worse than feeling uncomfortable? Watching people get your raise or promotion because they faced being uncomfortable. Ouch!

It’s horrible facing the realities of gaps in gender pay. Not having courage when opportunities arise to discuss these situations in the workplace only perpetuates the issue. If you work as hard as others, you deserve to get paid equally! Being uncomfortable may make you uneasy, but it won’t kill you. Avoiding opportunities to stand up for well-deserved and well-earned advancement can kill you professionally, though. It will ultimately devastate you personally as a result. Take the risk. The result may surprise you.

The power of courage

My life experiences have taught me that having courage really is the password to achieving whatever I’ve felt called to do. Courage helped me navigate the difficulties of my divorce. It pushed me to care for my two boys, build a business, oversee international charity endeavors and pursue television opportunities while dealing with the divorce. Yes, there were many days I was afraid and unsure about everything I had going on. But I made a choice to stare all of those fears in the face and tell them where they could go!

Having courage to fight fear and go against the grain for personal and professional growth may always be a challenge. But it’s a challenge I will always accept. I deserve what’s on the other side. My future is worth it. I am worth it.

And so are you.

Love and Success: Like a Hand in Glove

He has achieved success who has worked well, laughed often, and loved much.
– Elbert Hubbard

Love. It’s a word that’s thrown around carelessly and generalized all too often. When people think of “love,” most think about being successful in love. Rarely, though, do people pair love and success together. I have for years. Love is the primary motivator for much of what I do in personal and business affairs, and I think it’s why I’ve experienced the success I have.

“Lead life with love”

No matter what your religious beliefs are, there are spiritual themes that can serve as a foundation for all of our lives.

It’s the idea that love is the answer to society’s ills. Without love, we’re all lost.

If we lead with love in everything we do, all of humanity can operate on a higher vibration. Love is the driving force behind what’s good in the world and what promotes true change.

To my father, that meant honoring and cherishing the people in his life simply because it was in his heart to do so. So easy, yet so profound.

I realized I had adopted that mantra before I realized it. It was on the trips I made with my mother to deliver toys to underprivileged kids in Mexico when I was young. It was in the motherly ways I looked after all of my friends in high school and my young adult years. Love and success in those moments were about wanting the best for others. It was about giving from the heart for no other reason than to help someone else. My mother and father instilled that in me, and it became a part of who I was, and who I am now.

Love is the driving force behind what’s good in the world. It promotes true change in any arena, be it social, political, professional, cultural, etc. And I firmly believe if we lead with love in everything we do, all of humanity will operate on a higher, more positive plane. The results among and between others, as I have seen in my own life, are more respect, generosity, peace and inspiration.

Practical love

What does well-executed love and success look like practically? My work in Kenya is a personal example of achieving success through unconditional love. To see the looks on the girls’ faces when they received their new school dormitory after surviving atrocities of FGM…there’s no reward to match that.

Likewise, practical love looks like women supporting women and mothers supporting mothers, versus tearing each other down. Or maybe it’s men genuinely supporting each other, not volleying for positions of power or buying into the dog-eat-dog mentality. Love and success can be anyone supporting someone else when the easier, expected alternative is treating others like enemies.

Professionally, love and success can be offering unsolicited guidance and mentorship to coworkers. Or, it could mean laying the groundwork so that others can advance and grow—with no ulterior motives. Taking the high road in a conflict is a great example of love and success working hand in hand. (And how much better would our world be if we saw more of that?)

I encourage you to think about how you can show more love to those around you. Consider how you can sincerely express it in a way that lets others know you see and respect them with the unconditional love they deserve. If you do those things, watch the success that blooms in those relationships and interactions. Love and success really do work hand in hand. If you can love somebody and show it, it will be the most powerful gift you can present to anyone.

Elevate Your Space with Malibu Interior Designer Breegan Jane

The interiors of beautiful homes continue to up the ante season after season. Trends come and go, and they always will. As a Malibu interior designer, I constantly invent new ways to bring elegance and style to the homes of California residents. If you’re looking to spruce up your home and add touches of allure with unique methods, keep reading!

Entice with Appliances

When most think of enhancing their homes, visions of artwork and paint swatches quickly begin to fill their minds. It’s true, beautifying the walls of your home can certainly make a significant difference in the look of the space. But wallpaper and gallery photos aren’t the only ways to spruce up a room. Very few people think of using gorgeous appliances as art. A good designer can point you in the direction of kitchen machines like stoves or microwaves that are as stunning to look at as they are a pleasure to use! Stoves featuring colors that match the hues present in your kitchen and play off of texture in splendid ways, add a visual interest that will surely be a conversation starter in any space.

Charming Hardware

It’s no secret that decor and design in sunny southern California can sometimes start to all look…the same. When palm trees, palm leaves print and a bevy of white and beige begin to lose their appeal, talented Malibu interior designers can assist you in discovering less common ways to embellish your home.

Lighting in an area may be the jewelry of the space, but small touches like the finish and color of hardware throughout can take the room from dull to dazzling in an instant. Consider cabinet knobs and pulls that accent the feel of the space. Chic handles or unexpected faucets that draw the eye can be pure artistry! Traditional stainless steel handles are nice, but they pale in comparison to ones that correspond perfectly with your decor style. Adorn your space with forms and finishes that are extraordinary, to give the room an appearance that stands out as personal and elegant.

Challenge the Norm

Creating a space that feels like it was made just for you is easier than you may believe. A good designer can aid in opening a client’s eyes to options less experienced individuals never knew existed. Why does a sink have to look like a sink? Sounds crazy, right? It isn’t. We’ve all seen the standard white, square, acrylic sink with silver shiny handles and a conventional faucet. But a sink is truly just a bowl that allows water to drain. This apparatus can function in that very same capacity while shaped any way you prefer. It can be made with stunning materials and look more like a flower vase than a basin. It can feature a faucet that tricks the eye and makes the water sound more like a rainshower than a typical splatter. Your sink can be both pretty and practical.

Tubs are another area that allow designers to insert charm and beauty into your space. Breathtaking marbles and other stones in sleek silhouettes elevate bathrooms, and ensure that you’ll want to spend countless hours there. Breegan Jane is one of many Malibu interior designers who specializes in custom marble tubs and sinks that wow. Anything from large soaking tubs in beautiful configurations to timeless clawfoot ones positioned cleverly in showers make any space feel more like a spa than a standard run-of-the-mill restroom.

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Tired of the old and ordinary? Often making a few smaller changes in your space can make the entire expanse feel fresh again. These are just a few tips to start; contact Breegan Jane to help bring your dream to life!

Things I Learned on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

In two months I will be sitting in front of a television reliving one of the best experiences of my life. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, on HGTV, will once again grace the screens of millions of homes. It will showcase the best of what society has to offer others: human kindness. That was one of the most profound lessons I have ever had an opportunity to relearn…and one I will never forget again. Extreme taught me this and other really valuable lessons during my short but extremely impactful time taping the show.

The power of human connection

Many people have asked me how we erected so many homes in a span of only five days. My answer is simple: these homes were built with helping hands and love. That’s it. There’s the magic formula, and it isn’t magic at all. We only needed intentionality, a desire to serve, a belief in the power of many and a desire to do more together. It’s such a powerful thing that I had never experienced before this way.

Listen, I know construction. I’ve seen remarkable buildings erected from the ground up. Witnessing that in itself is astounding. But Extreme Makeover: Home Edition is so much bigger than construction. We were given the ability to create memorable, heartfelt spaces for people and families who had given their all to others. We designers like to create and leave something physical in the world that we did with our own hands. With Extreme, I not only left my mark on the world; I left my mark on the hearts, lives and memories of some remarkable families. I learned from my experience on Extreme that all of the beautiful things in this world stem from the human connection. It’s such a special thing.

The power of unity

It’s one thing to know that a home can be completely built in five days. But watching people come together and actually do it on Extreme? Unreal. It honestly reaffirmed my faith in people. It showed me that complete strangers could genuinely and sincerely unite for a common cause! In the cultural climate we live in presently, I wasn’t so sure that could ever happen.

I’m not proud to say this, but over the past few years, I have not felt confident about our society being able to genuinely engage and support others. That stems from some extremely negative experiences I have endured as a single mother. I’m sure others have their hurts, traumas and triggers. We all do. They can leave us jaded oftentimes when it comes to seeing the good in people. Faith in others wanes when they let you down consistently. It’s why I keep my head down, maintain a tight-knit tribe and invest in my employees.

How shocked was I when Extreme Makeover: Home Edition showed me on an emotional level that the human condition is alive and well! The show illuminated the beauty of a multitude of strangers doing powerful things as a collective. It wouldn’t have mattered if we had double or triple the volunteers. No matter the number, everyone was there for a higher purpose: faith in each other. Our superpower as humans is our empathy, and the Extreme crowds had it on full display. Though there were tragic and heart-wrenching stories, the moments of perseverance and watching volunteers help the families truly tugged at my heart.

The power of small gestures

Have you ever been to a concert, where the star singer is owning the stage? That was Extreme Makeover: Home Edition for me. I could feel what it might be like to be a rock-star each and every day. However, I wasn’t the rock star. Darren, Carrie, and Jesse weren’t, either. The rock star was a single dad who lost his wife and is raising his kids by himself. Other rock stars were immigrants who came to America as refugees. These were the true heroes. I hope to see us turn more daily heroes into rock stars. The dad doing his daughter’s hair on IG, the family caring for the homeless, the volunteers supporting veterans. We love them because they do simple gestures that make a big difference in the lives of others. That’s so priceless.

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition re-taught me not to forget those moments in my life. It made me see, for the first time in a long while, that people really are awesome, just because they care. That third-grade teacher who made you feel really intelligent for giving the right answer. Or the coach who told you you could do it and never gave up on you. Those are the little things that make colossal differences in our lives. In this season of giving, that’s such a simple but powerful gift we can give to each other.

The power of giving

At the end of each day when I walked away from Extreme, I missed our crew. I missed the crowds of people. We were connected to a purpose that resonated deeply within our souls. I want to nurture that connection throughout my life—away from the cameras, away from the crowds. I want other awesome people to experience how powerful that connection was.

We were open with each other. Being vulnerable made us lean into each other more. We heard and felt these amazing stories you will get to know when the show airs. They’re AMAZING! The way the family members opened their hearts to me, told me their struggles, held my hand, and wept over lost relatives…it was all so powerful. They are moments I will always cherish.

Before Extreme, I had forgotten how incredibly wonderful people in our society can be. I’m no longer there. During and after taping, I was reminded that the best things—the most powerful things—in life are small, and they don’t cost a thing. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition taught me to believe that again.

Self-Regulation: the Key to Effective Leadership

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

—Robert Frost

I think about that part of Frost’s “The Road Not Taken” poem fairly often. Not so much because of the poem itself, but what it means to walk out. I also think about it as a leader having to make strategic decisions moment by moment. One of those decisions we all make every day, and that’s the decision to self-regulate when it comes to handling ourselves around others. I wanted to briefly talk about what self-regulation is, why it is important for leaders, and how we can utilize it more deliberately in our professional interactions.

Defining Self-regulation

Simply put, Self-regulation is a statement and demonstration of calmness in any given situation. It is being able to control your emotions and responses to situations and other people. It’s something I have to incorporate throughout my professional and personal lives (especially this time of year), and I’m sure you do, too. How do you handle traffic jams? What is your response when you’re yelled at in a meeting, or if you’re blamed for a mistake that was not your fault? The answer to those questions will reveal how good you are at self-regulation.

The difference between good and not-so-good self-regulation is like comparing a shaken bottle of a carbonated beverage and a shaken bottle of water. When you open a shaken bottle of Pepsi, the contents spew all over the place and ruins everything. That’s what happens when we allow ourselves to react to negative circumstances. Our emotions fly out and negatively impact everything in their path. Oftentimes, those negative contents and responses hit people who were not responsible at all for the outburst. That can have a devastating effect on our relationships and how people see us.

Instead, good self-regulation is like opening an agitated bottle of water. No matter how much it is dropped, shaken, rolled or jiggled, when someone opens it, there is no spewing. There are no accidents. There’s only…tranquility. We can respond like that bottle of water, but we have to choose to do so. It’s so much easier to react and let feelings and emotions fly. Yet, like the poem, choosing the road less traveled, the self-regulated road, will make all the difference.

Why Self-regulate?

The primary reason to focus on self-regulation is that it generally promotes a more positive response, interaction and answer in any given situation. As a leader, you will be faced with all types of responsibilities. Some you’ll love, and some you won’t. Regardless, if you want to be successful and stand at the top of your field, you will have to learn to naturally respond to circumstances with maturity and tact, even when things don’t go your way.

Think about toddlers in this instance. One will pitch a fit and throw a tantrum when he doesn’t get the cookie he wants. However, the toddler who learned to use her words and ask, “Cookie please, Mommy?” may get much more understanding (and more rewards) because of how she handled the situation. The same applies in the professional world. If you don’t get the promotion you expected, you have two choices (like the poem). You can rant and rave at the top of your lungs. You could spread rumors about the person who got the promotion. You could quit. OR, you could ask what you can do better in your job performance. You could support the new person in the role. Neither of the last two suggestions is easy, but they show maturity and respect: two characteristics that won’t go unnoticed.

Tips for Self-regulating

There are several relatively simple things you can do to start your journey towards self-regulation. First, recognize your emotions. Don’t feel like you have to suffocate them or pretend they don’t exist. Your emotions are real, and they matter. But you can think about different ways to channel emotional energy in tense situations. When I’m anxious or angry, I will physically hold and squeeze the meat between my thumb and forefinger as a way to recognize my feelings. It doesn’t hurt or affect anyone, and it allows me to channel energy in a manner that fosters self-regulation for myself.

Next, take time to process your feelings and emotions. Don’t send a response to the meeting right after. Go home and think about what happened (or didn’t happen). Write your thoughts out. Talk them out with someone you trust, and process things with them. Remove yourself from the negative environment or situation for a while. This will help give you a different perspective and outlook for positive solutions.

Finally, get to know your triggers and anger buttons. What are the things that you know upset you? Are there any buzzwords or familiar circumstances that rile you up emotionally? Get to know those things! As the saying goes, knowing is half the battle. The other half is finding alternative ways to deal with your triggers. Make a plan, rehearse it, and make it a part of your life, personally and professionally.

Here’s the bottom line: true leaders are not reactive. They are proactive. A large part of being proactive is knowing how to respond in positive ways and channeling emotions in the same manner. I encourage you to learn what self-regulation is for you and begin walking that path today.

How to Balance Dark and Light Elements in the Kitchen

Do you have a preference for a darker look in your kitchen? Maybe you’d rather have a more open, bright look of a lighter kitchen for your home. Why not have both?! In the world of interior design, tuxedo kitchens are making a strong comeback. Creating with dark and light elements in the kitchen can be daunting, but the final look should be all about creating a visual balance. Here are a few thoughts for you to consider as you make the kitchen of your dreams.

Create with contrasts

As you work with dark and light elements in the kitchen, think about stark contrasts in accents as you work up and down your visual space. Work with black handles against white cabinets, for example, or vice versa. When you mix contrasting colors, the great thing is no matter what you do, you end up highlighting both colors. It’s almost like black and white photography. When you have a photo that is all grey, prominent elements tend to disappear. But, the stark contrasts stand out and make the visuals work. Such will be the same when you work with contrasts in your kitchen.

Countertop creativity

Be mindful that when you work with dark and light elements in the kitchen, never be afraid to go extreme with colors for your countertops. If one element is really dark, make sure you hit the polar opposite end of the spectrum when you consider what will be light. When it comes to stone options, white caesarstone countertops will make your black cabinetry pop like you wouldn’t believe! A dark grey charcoal soapstone countertop will always present a sophisticated and elegant appearance.

Pull in your paints

Choosing a paint color is extremely important when you work with dark and light elements in the kitchen. Remember that the paint colors you choose should complement the complexity of the contrast. With that, I recommend not adding too much color tonality on your walls. That would take away from the contrast statement you want to make. Your kitching would absolutely NOT be the place to add hints of red, pink, purple, or other “statement” colors on the walls. Lean into something like a dark green or royal blue if you have to have an accent wall. Otherwise, I would recommend leaving the walls light and allowing the dark and light elements in the kitchen to come together and make a statement in the overall visual presentation.

Other contrast options

Don’t forget to use your appliances to add to the overall effect of your dark and light vision. Hidden refrigerators are always great because they add to the drama that the tone difference in the cabinetry provides. A word of caution, though: I would recommend sticking to one metal, such as stainless steel, throughout your kitchen. I am a huge fan of the CornuFé Series by La Cornue. They have black, white, and blue ovens that are not ostentatious at all. Don’t be afraid to think outside the box when leaning into dramatic styles of dark and light elements in the kitchen.

You can also create contrast by wrapping the hood of your oven. Making a hood disappear in a kitchen is another way to add drama and contrast. A hood can easily be wrapped with stone, drywall or stainless steel dipped in gold, which I did for my home. Also, When you’re creating contrast in the kitchen, be sure to balance everything out with a simple flooring treatment. Or, choose contemporary blinds that disappear. The key is to make the primary kitchen features stand out, almost like pairing a statement necklace with a classic black dress. A patterned dress would conflict with the overall look.

These are a few tips to bring some great character and contrast with dark and light elements in your kitchen. I’d love to know how you achieved it in your home! Let me know your thoughts and ideas in the comments below!