To the single mom:
I’ve been watching you, mama. Watching you grow and thrive in your career. I have seen you shine, and I’ve celebrated those moments with you. Oftentimes I’ve held your hand and heard your heart as we talk about life and love. You were so excited about the men in your life, and it made me so excited to see the joy pour out of your soul. I loved the happiness that exuded from your spirit. THAT smile—YOUR smile—is unmatched. Seeing the confidence in your countenance blossom…it displays everything you are, from the inside out.
I’ve also received the late-night phone call from you, with your voice full of disappointment and dejection. Because of my care and concern for you, I immediately shared your hurt. Your love interest didn’t portray themselves as they really are, and they gave up on a difficult situation. I’ve been there. They wronged you, and you were forced to stand up for yourself despite a sullen spirit. As much as I hate to see it, I understand why you sank into yourself. It’s the only place you feel safe. I’m so sorry, sweet single mom.
Your Joy Is YOURS!
What I want to say to you is something I had to look in the mirror and say to myself: Your. Joy. Is. YOURS! It is not theirs to take! That joy is and has always been inside of you. You’ve worked so incredibly hard to cultivate it within yourself. Find it again, and don’t let go of it. And, never allow anyone outside of you to take it away. You have been killing it, single mom. Many could not go through what you have had to endure and fight for. And you had to do it alone and while protecting another human.
You have an amazing life because of your hard work and yours alone. You share beautiful experiences with your little one. Nothing or no one can compare to that. Never forget how far you’ve gotten, and never let hurt cause you to veer off your path of success. We are allowed to live a joy-filled life with or without a partner at our sides. Being single, and being a single mom, is not a curse. Neither is it a synonym for unhappiness.
This is not where you give up or settle. In fact, you’re not going to settle at all. You’ve fought too long and too hard to be where you are, to settle. Please, do not give up and sink into the hurt I see in your eyes. You alone have the power to enhance the life you fought really hard to have. Don’t hand that control to someone else. I feel like you should hear that.
Love Begins Within
I don’t know why we as women have been taught the fantasy of finding the boy from the romantic film who will sweep us off our feet. Once that happens, we will magically and all of a sudden be our best selves. Our wedding day solidifies perfection for the rest of our lives, and we live happily ever after. Romantic love isn’t the magic key to happiness. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting love and a relationship. But know this: your individuality is no less amazing. Don’t put a relationship on a pedestal. You’re just as amazing, just as you are.
Perfect love begins within, single mom, and it radiates from the inside. Find that joy for yourself, and don’t stress about when Mr. Right will arrive. We all want love and connection. I know I do. The relationship will come. Regardless, you still have you, all the things you are, the accomplishments you’ve made, and all you have yet to pursue. Society says life looks brighter and happiness increases when we are in relationships. But it’s not the origin of your contentment. That has always been in you. You are your strength, whether you connect with another person or not. By all means, pursue love, and don’t forsake it if it truly becomes a part of your life.
Simply put, single mom, you are me, and I am you. We are fabulous right where we are, as we are. On your quest for love, remember that a romantic relationship is just one chapter of your life. You’re a whole book, mama! Continue creating all the other amazing parts of your story.
In love, strength and joy,