Author: manager

Curbing the Craving for Control

“What do you want to be?”

You’ve probably been asked this question repeatedly from the time you were old enough to understand what the sentence meant. Teachers ask kindergarteners, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” School counselors and college applications pose the same question. As you get older, the question arises over first dates and job interviews: “What is your five year plan? Where do you see yourself in 10 years?” The very nature of the question presumes you have some authority or dominion over the course of events which will carry you to the next stage in life. It implies you have the control to affect your circumstances.

As I stopped to think about my life’s evolution over the past few years, I began to reflect on the amount of times people are quizzed about what they want to be, or in which direction they plan to go. If you don’t have a certain or impressive answer, it can be maddening. While I, like everyone else, pondered my future from a young age, I can’t always relate to aimlessness regarding dreams and career goals. I knew very early on what I wanted, and I was determined to achieve it.

As a younger woman, I was always dreaming of the things I wanted in life and concocting plans to make them happen. Design was something I felt connected to early on in my life, and I was determined to figure out how it was going to fit neatly into my plan. Entrepreneurship was close to my heart and in the forefront of my mind. I learned everything I could about my interests, throwing myself into mentoring circles and environments which would grant me real life experience, and voila! Lots of hard work, wisdom and many years later, I’ve been able to accomplish several of my goals. Being in control of your vision, your work ethic and yourself in general are key when it comes to goal-getting; but control can end up controlling you, if you’re not careful.

Everyone can relate to life changes occurring at lightning speeds. One day you know exactly what you’re doing and where you’re going, and the next you’re crumbling underneath the weight of unfavorable outcomes and unforeseen mishaps. Life is like that. Parents become ill. Careers take a turn. Late-term miscarriages occur. Marriages dissolve, and plans change. Forget a box of chocolates, life is often more like bombshells dropping when you least expect them and jolting you out of your peaceful safespace. For those of us who have always successfully maintained a bit of control, these uncontrollable events can leave one feeling more than a little bewildered.

Surprises are inevitable. We live in a world with other people, and humans are fallible beings. We make mistakes, we fail and we disappoint others. Sounds pretty bleak, huh? It isn’t. It’s a reminder that during the hardest moments of my life when my thoughts are racing and my stomach’s in my chest, the world isn’t ending just because I’m not able to “fix” everything. My need to know the “right nows” and the “later ons” is often met with silence, and there isn’t a countering action that will change that.

It’s a harsh but simple reality: some things will never be within your command. Sometimes those “things” are health related. Other times they’re financial. Your kids may fall into that reality at some point in your life. Control is a great characteristic to have when it keeps you balanced and collected. It backfires when it’s a weapon used to dictate. Most of us don’t like the idea of being controlled, but we never consider the idea that control itself becomes dangerous when we are controlled by needing to be the master controller.

I’ve had my fair share of uncalculated life circumstances, and they’re never easy. What they are for me, though, are learning tools to assist in my continued personal development. I still have the occasional moment of panic when something I love is in limbo or unsecured, but I’m learning to face the facts about control…

I need to breathe through the moment. I have to release and relinquish control over the situation. After all, I have never been the one completely in charge, anyway, and that’s just fine with me.

It has to be.

The Chat

On April 12, 2017, I traveled across the country (literally!) to Jacksonville, Florida, to sit and film with the ladies of The Chat on First Coast News. I was honored to have been invited, and excitement overwhelmed me as I began preparing for the trip. I called on my friends and Mommy Tribe who helped me with styling, supportive pep talks and quieting the anxious butterflies I felt in my stomach the night before leaving.

Arriving at my hotel after a long flight, I was able to connect with another mompreneur and enlist her makeup artist expertise. She was both kind and talented; not to mention she made me feel beautiful before the filming! Even while traveling I find myself in the company of Mom Bosses!

On set, I was greeted by the ladies, the co-hosts of the show, and we proceeded to go over all the behind the scenes details before the proverbial curtain opened. Each of the ladies was extremely sweet, and I enjoyed talking to them about all things Breegan. We chatted about my life as an interior designer with both moderate and celebrity-sized budgets, about Mom Life Yo and also about my favorite topic of all: mommyhood! The experience was one I’ll never forget, and I feel so fortunate to have been a guest on The Chat. Thank you, First Coast News!

https://vimeo.com/213738682

The Cargo Bike

We are a true Venice Beach family. We love the outdoors, and I love any chance to soak up some sun and be active with my sons! I’ve always loved bike riding, even before I was a mom. It doesn’t hurt that we live on a beautiful beach; it’s hard not to be tempted to spend our days drenched in sun rays. Perhaps the thing I get stopped and asked about the most while out and about is my unique cargo bike.

As a mother of one, I would often put my son in the child bike seat, and we would be on our way, happily cycling through the city. I was thrilled I didn’t have to give up my love of biking, and my son enjoyed stopping for lunch or ice cream during our short trips. After my youngest was born, it became increasingly difficult to bike with two. I had safety concerns about riding with one on the front and the other on the back, so I began looking to remedy the problem. My research led me to my beloved cargo bike. The cargo compartment holds four children and has four safety straps. At almost $1,000, it isn’t a cheap investment. It’s worth every penny, though, not to mention it’s a bargain compared to some of its competitors.

A teacher out of Long Beach, California ships the parts over from Asia and assembles them. He hand delivered it to me, and the kids and I have been rolling ever since! The bike has an amazing effect on my children. They LOVE it! My sons are incredibly active, and they never stop moving. At home, I can’t get them to sit still for two minutes. But put them in the bike cargo, and they are mesmerized by it all: the sightseeing on the Venice Boardwalk, the roller skaters that zoom past, and the motion of my pedaling. The cargo bike gives me an excuse to get exercise in without feeling like work. With the wind blowing through my hair and California sun on my face, it definitely tops the list of my favorite hobbies with the kiddos!

We love the cargo bike in our household. I’d recommend it to anyone in a bikeable area looking to cycle with the whole family!

TheCargoBike.com

The Cesarean Conversation

(and why it needs to change)

There are few things in this world I enjoy as much as my very favorite: motherhood. While it may strike some as cliche, the vigor with which I strive to support fellow moms in my circle and beyond is driven by a desire to see us all more connected. I want to see mothers become more transparent about the elements of motherhood that are challenging for us all. A topic that will be foreign to no one in this group is that of the Cesarean section, or C-section.

I’ve talked before about motherhood being a close-knit sorority of sorts. One of the reasons many of us would agree with that sentiment is because giving birth, the act of actually creating a tiny human in your body and releasing him or her into the world? It’s no small feat! Birthing a child is something to be celebrated, no matter the surrounding circumstances. The whole process of gestation is somewhat miraculous, if you really stop and think about it. Our bodies were created with the ability to bring forth life; as natural and beautiful as it is, who would ever think there would be controversy or shame over the choice a woman makes regarding how to safely deliver her child?

Through many conversations with friends who have children, I’ve discovered that when the subject of Cesareans versus vaginal births arises, several have faced a bit of dissension in a not-so-constructive manner. They walk away feeling shamed, or at the very least, uncomfortable. I find this ridiculous! As I spoke with more and more women, I realized that my own story was not all that uncommon; I figured sharing it could peel back the very unnecessary veil and shed a little light on what many face both before and after delivery.

I never wanted to have a Cesarean birth. I had two—one for each of my boys.
I am, by nature, a researcher. It is important to me to know as much as possible about anything I am planning to pursue. When we found out we were pregnant, I immediately put on my investigation hat and went forth to find any and all information I could about what was about to happen to my body, and what others would expect from it, as well. I wanted to know my options, my rights, and what it would mean for my overall experience and, most importantly, my baby.

I had a total of four OB-GYNs while I was pregnant with my first son. Sound crazy? It felt that way, and it definitely wasn’t easy. From finding shining recommendations to switching insurance companies, it all made for more work than any pregnant woman should ever have to deal with. But it was necessary. One of the doctors felt justified in allowing me, the patient, to see more of her assistant than herself. Another delivered as many babies in a month as there are days. I dealt with OB-GYNs who were cold, dismissive and treated their patients like cattle, herding them in and out. I even had one who was so focused on developing her practice’s reputation as the best in high-risk deliveries and cesareans that she determined I needed one before even having the proper information!

In short, my experiences with finding the right OB-GYN were harrowing, and I know I’m not alone in that. What should be a beautiful moment in a woman’s life is sometimes quickly made stressful because of the way we handle things in this country. Out of my distressing hunt for the right doctor was born my need to advocate for myself and my unborn child. I found the right OB-GYN, and she would ultimately go on to deliver both of my boys. I had all the typical prenatal appointments and check-ups. After having a scare regarding my baby being breech (he eventually turned), the proportions of my son’s shoulders and torso meant that, despite my wishes to deliver vaginally, the risk of lifelong complications were too great to chance.

The course of events unquestionably took a different path than what I wanted, but the distinction that must be made is that I was aware of my options. Researching various types of births in different environments, different medical professionals, even in different countries…it all paid off! It is an advantage many women do not have. They are in the midst of a situation never before experienced, their bodies morphing each day, with little to no information regarding what is necessary versus what is convenient for hospitals and insurance companies. Women often feel like their backs are against the wall and often make decisions in haste, but they ALL do it with the best interest of their child in mind.

A lot of what I do, whether in my friendships, on my Mom Life Yo radio show, or with nonprofits is because I believe in women supporting women. The conversations fueled by judgment about whether a woman knows what “real” birth is based on whether she had a cesarean or vaginal birth are absurd—and quite frankly, rude. If you delivered a baby, you’ve experienced childbirth, period. The ridiculous conversation that exists around ranking womanhood and motherhood based on birthing method needs to end. We are all in this together, doing the very best we can.

So where do I stand on the issue? If a woman decides she wants to deliver with no pain-numbing drugs, great. If she opts for an epidural, awesome. Birthing centers, home water births, hospital or otherwise, what’s important is that every mom-to-be is given the right to information and that she feels good about the choice she makes.

I’ll always advocate for women and mothers. I hope honest discussions like this one will open the door for more of us to feel comfortable with both asking questions and confidently choosing what’s best for our needs.

Have you ever dealt with judgment surrounding your birthing experience? How did you handle it?

Before the Flood

I oftentimes wonder about the world in which my boys will live as adults. The buzzwords that invoke concern have been thrown around in political conversations for decades: global warming, greenhouse effect, climate change. As a concerned parent, I find myself doing what I always do when it comes to my kids: researching the facts to find out what I can do to ensure a future for them as much as possible. That pursuit led me to an eye-opening documentary, Before the Flood.

Narrated by and featuring Leonardo DiCaprio, the film sheds a tremendous light on global energy consumption and the role the United States plays in the depletion of valuable, non-renewable resources. Are we Americans the only ones who need to take responsibility? Of course not. But when you stand face to face with the excessive consumption that Americans are responsible for, you will also understand the need for our country to implement some type of immediate reform if we are going to leave our kids any semblance of a planet worth anything.

There were many takeaways throughout the documentary, but several huge ideas greatly impacted me after digesting all that this film presented. The first is that we all are super consumers that need to reform how we use natural resources and live our day-to-day lives. In large and small ways we are blindly (and oftentimes not-so-blindly) killing Mother Earth—rapidly. It’s mind-blowing to know that the amount of electricity one American uses could be split among 61 Nigerian homes or 34 Indian homes. Unreal.

Second, America needs to understand and take seriously the notion that we are a world-influencing country. It’s true: as America goes, so goes the rest of the world. Because we as a country are disengaging from the conversation, the world is taking note and doing the same. What’s more, we as collective world citizens are failing to see the poorer countries that are feeling the impacts of global carelessness most directly. The cycle of apathy begets more apathy, and that can only mean one thing for our kids’ future: there might not be one without serious changes.

Finally, though Before the Flood may hit watchers with several doses of our world’s grim reality, the film surprisingly left me with a tremendous amount of hope. DiCaprio discovers some serious problems around the world that need immediate solutions and action, but he also identifies viable and extremely feasible solutions that, if implemented by the masses, could make a world of difference for our kids in the future. What that has meant for me is making small steps in my planning, shopping, eating and daily living that push me to think differently about how I use my resources.

In turn, that has helped me teach my boys about consumption at an early age. We recycle; we make a point to turn lights and electronics off when not in use; we conserve water in the house. We take the cargo bikes out more frequently nowadays. There are so many small things that can be done to close the numerous problems we have created for the planet. I didn’t necessarily need this documentary to understand that, but watching it definitely helped spur me to action. I hope it will do the same for many, many more people.

SaveSave

I Still Wear My Ring

There are certain titles, names and monikers that you never shed. Many know this all too well and can recall times when an embarrassing childhood nickname was unexpectedly screamed in a public space. Others blush when someone discovers old social media handles that reek of past lives and youthful mistakes.

Labels and designations can evoke a multitude of emotions and are often quite difficult to shake. But every now and then a title you wouldn’t mind accepting comes along…titles like “Nobel Prize-winning” or “Oscar-nominated”. Many of us gladly carry titles like “Teacher of the Year” or “valedictorian”. For me, that prize-winning, always rewarding label is “Mom”. I no longer have the title of “wife” for now, but I’ll always be “mom”. This is why my next statement might shock you.

I still wear my wedding ring. Proudly.

My ring is extremely important to me. While peripheral circumstances may be presumably more complex, I delight in the opportunity to speak about this token that holds such a dear place in my heart. What better place to begin but at the beginning?

As we grew more serious in the dating phase of our lives, talks about “the ring” began to pop up. He knew how impassioned I was regarding all things design. You see, when designing is a part of you, it becomes another title you carry with you forever. Creating was something I breathed, and he respected that. I never dreamed about being surprised with some ring a man chose for me. I wanted to be a pivotal part of the process. From blueprint to form, the construction of my ring needed to come from me, and he obliged.

Along with design, jewelry has also been something I’ve loved all my life. From the age of about 11 or 12, I started collecting pearls, and that collection grew tremendously in size and in sophistication as I matured. I amassed a collection of several beautiful pieces in various styles. I had the unfortunate experience of having my collection stolen at age 24, and it was devastating. Jewelry, more than shoes or bags, has always held a special place in my heart because you can pass it down from generation to generation. Electronics malfunction. Clothing wears and tears. But you inherit your grandmother’s jewelry, and that’s an invaluable treasure.

As we began designing the ring—even before we were engaged—we became pregnant with our first child. The ring became a kind of precursor to the family we were becoming! For me, maybe for us, part of being married was being a family and having these two beautiful boys. There is a general assumption that wedding rings mean the same thing for everyone who wears them, that the ring conjures up visions of white tulle, bouquets and sprinkled rose petals. When I stare at this ring, now worn on my right hand and different finger, I see the family I was blessed to create more than nuptials. I see a reminder that I got to select the father of my two children and build a life which will connect us all for at least the next 18 years. I see a distant vision that may include my ex and his partner, along with myself and whomever at our sons’ graduations, maybe even their weddings.

My ring is symbolic of many things. At its best, it is a symbol of our intentions. It is a wearable time capsule, rousing memories of the best of us, and emotions from which I don’t need (or want) to disconnect. This beautiful piece of jewelry shifts in meaning from hand to hand. On my left, the necessary ending of one chapter. On my right, all the things I never want to undo: my family unit. The essence of it all doesn’t have to be diminished; it simply needs its new space.

Things I’ve Learned About…Project Deadlines

When it comes to remodeling a home, you can just about bank on minor problems occurring. One of the most common issues I run into as a designer is maintaining deadlines with all of the contractors and people involved in the process. Deadline extensions are as common as houseflies—and just as annoying. I’ve remodeled a number of homes and spaces during my career, and I can honestly say that I’ve never had a project that didn’t require an extension for some aspect of the work that needed to be done. Missing deadlines can be a stressful part of any home project, but I have discovered a way to alleviate that stress for myself with design assignments. Here’s my simple process:

Take your deadlines, and throw them out the window. 🙂

I’m only halfway kidding. Staunch deadlines do need to be discarded and replaced with a flexible timeline. This system should give space for meeting your earliest deadline, but it should also present a realistic worst-case deadline that you can live with. Here’s how I plan my timeline:

If I have a project that I believe should take three months, I automatically map out three deadlines that I can expect (or live with, at the very least). The first is the best-case scenario: having the project done in three months. Next, I double the deadline to six months; that’s an achievable deadline that I can live with, should I need that time because of unexpected problems that may occur. Finally, I take my second deadline and add half of that time for my worst-case deadline. In this case, that would be 6 + 3, so my ultimate deadline would be nine months for this project.

This process will help planners in several ways. First, it will build in some safety nets for projects; there’s nothing worse than only having a Plan A without anything to fall back on. Second, having plans B and C will prevent unnecessary stress, headaches and worry. Alternative timelines force planners to consider the “what if” that oftentimes goes unanswered in only hoping for the best outcome. It’s great to shoot for the ideal, but it will always be wisdom to consider unforeseen mishaps that Murphy’s Law can heap upon your plans.

So what have I learned over the years about remodeling deadlines? Anticipate delays (more than one), give yourself several extensions, be extremely flexible and fluid, and prepare for the unknowns as much as possible. Unrealistic expectations create stressful working conditions for everyone involved, which can be detrimental to the success of your project and team. With an understanding of what to expect in tow, redesigning your space can be a rewarding experience.

The Seeds of My Strength

Life has given me some of the most amazing blessings throughout my life, but recently it has also thrown me some serious curve balls and unexpected challenges. Like so many of my readers, I can say that I’m still standing, changing and growing. In the afterglow of International Women’s Day, I took some time to think about that with respect to the powerful women that have been in my life and influenced me to take what life hands me and make the most of myself.

Grandma Great

I was raised by a long line of spitfire women, women who understood the ‘bitter’ as much as they did the ‘sweet’. For me, this line started with my great-grandmothers. All three were determined and resolute in their professional and family affairs. Even though I’m just starting a new life as a single parent, they showed me that it can be done successfully. Two of my great grandmothers were single mothers in a much different time. One of my great-grandmothers was widowed after her husband died, and the other survived being abandoned by her husband and left to raise her daughter alone. Through less-than-ideal circumstances, the women in my family stood gracefully but firmly and took care of what was most important to them: their families. As a mom, that resonates strongly within me.

Nana

My grandmothers share the same tenacity. I’ve always considered my dad’s mother a quiet, middle-class woman with traditional values and an extremely mild temperament. She was the quintessential grandmother, always baking cookies and thinking the best of everyone with whom she comes in contact. Her demeanor in and of itself is a gift, but I found out by chance one day that there was (and is) so much more to who she is. Leaving her house a few weeks back, I happened to glance at her college degree hanging on the wall. As I reflected on how awesome she was for accomplishing such an honorable task, I took notice of when she received it: 1987. It took a moment to sink in: I was born before 1987, which means she got her degree after she had grandkids! I was shocked! More than that, though, I was proud…proud of the woman that had gone through so much, gave so much, endured and conquered so much. Yet, she continued to push herself in her later years as a mature woman. What was that even like? How did she do it? It couldn’t have been easy.

Grandma

But nothing of any value or worth ever is, and that is one of the many silent lessons they taught me through the glimpses of their struggles and accomplishments I see now as an adult. I knew my great-grandmother was a successful travel agent who led tours around the world, as well as running a book and gift store. I also knew that my other grandmother was a relentless missionary who, on so many occasions, braved the very real chance of imprisonment to get Bibles into Cuba and other countries. These are my grandparents!

Great Grandma Eddy

Through them, I learned to achieve beyond others’ expectations and perceptions. I learned the value of working for myself and carving my own paths in life. I learned to stand up for what I believe in, and to stand with others who are doing the same. I learned that learning is living, and living is a choice that I get to make with each choice that I make for myself and my boys.

Grammy

My grandmothers taught me these lessons long before I knew what to do with them. These ladies are the backbone and blueprint of all that I know to be as a mom, an entrepreneur and a determined woman. I can only hope and pray that they are proud of how I am walking out their expert tutelage as I maneuver personal circumstances in my day-to-day living.

And I hope they know how extremely proud I am of them. #SheInspiresMe

The Seeds of My Strength: An Ode to my Grandmothers

Life has given me some of the most amazing blessings throughout my life, but recently it has also thrown me some serious curve balls and unexpected challenges. Like so many of my readers, I can say that I’m still standing, changing and growing. In the afterglow of International Women’s Day, I took some time to think about that with respect to the powerful women that have been in my life and influenced me to take what life hands me and make the most of myself.

Grandma Great

I was raised by a long line of spitfire women, women who understood the ‘bitter’ as much as they did the ‘sweet’. For me, this line started with my great-grandmothers. All three were determined and resolute in their professional and family affairs. Even though I’m just starting a new life as a single parent, they showed me that it can be done successfully. Two of my great grandmothers were single mothers in a much different time. One of my great-grandmothers was widowed after her husband died, and the other survived being abandoned by her husband and left to raise her daughter alone. Through less-than-ideal circumstances, the women in my family stood gracefully but firmly and took care of what was most important to them: their families. As a mom, that resonates strongly within me.

Nana

My grandmothers share the same tenacity. I’ve always considered my dad’s mother a quiet, middle-class woman with traditional values and an extremely mild temperament. She was the quintessential grandmother, always baking cookies and thinking the best of everyone with whom she comes in contact. Her demeanor in and of itself is a gift, but I found out by chance one day that there was (and is) so much more to who she is. Leaving her house a few weeks back, I happened to glance at her college degree hanging on the wall. As I reflected on how awesome she was for accomplishing such an honorable task, I took notice of when she received it: 1987. It took a moment to sink in: I was born before 1987, which means she got her degree after she had grandkids! I was shocked! More than that, though, I was proud…proud of the woman that had gone through so much, gave so much, endured and conquered so much. Yet, she continued to push herself in her later years as a mature woman. What was that even like? How did she do it? It couldn’t have been easy.

Grandma

But nothing of any value or worth ever is, and that is one of the many silent lessons they taught me through the glimpses of their struggles and accomplishments I see now as an adult. I knew my great-grandmother was a successful travel agent who led tours around the world, as well as running a book and gift store. I also knew that my other grandmother was a relentless missionary who, on so many occasions, braved the very real chance of imprisonment to get Bibles into Cuba and other countries. These are my grandparents!

Great Grandma Eddy

Through them, I learned to achieve beyond others’ expectations and perceptions. I learned the value of working for myself and carving my own paths in life. I learned to stand up for what I believe in, and to stand with others who are doing the same. I learned that learning is living, and living is a choice that I get to make with each choice that I make for myself and my boys.

Grammy

My grandmothers taught me these lessons long before I knew what to do with them. These ladies are the backbone and blueprint of all that I know to be as a mom, an entrepreneur and a determined woman. I can only hope and pray that they are proud of how I am walking out their expert tutelage as I maneuver personal circumstances in my day-to-day living.

And I hope they know how extremely proud I am of them. #SheInspiresMe

For the Love of Caftans!

Busy on-the-go moms are almost always in search of time saving tips. Moms rank pretty highly on the list of the “most selfless”; that should come as no surprise, seeing as how they devote so much of themselves to their children, families and those around them.

When you spend the bulk of your day looking after little ones, it can be difficult to devote dedicated time to yourself. Moms with newborns are sometimes lucky to even get a shower regularly! Imagine trying to put together whole outfits and be trendy while sleep deprived and chasing little feet around the house. Impossible!

With two young children and a career that pulls me in multiple directions several days of the week, I’ve learned the best ways to make the most of every minute and beat the clock! Fashion has always been a love of mine, and I’ve perfected my own style that doesn’t always follow the trends. I didn’t want to have to sacrifice looking amazing for being an amazing mom. Caftans (or kaftans) were the answer to my conundrum!

 

Caftans are flowy garments, usually somewhere around ankle-length, with long sleeves though styles may vary). They come in all colors and different fabrics. Caftans are ingenious because they’re a one-piece outfit: no hassle about finding perfect pants, camis, blazers, etc. You just throw it on over your head, and you’re done! I can be in the middle of a hectic day, throw on a caftan and some oversized sunglasses, and look like a million bucks. They’re lifesavers for sure

Need versatility? Caftans deliver. They can also be quite dressy. Some of my favorites are adorned with beautiful jewel tones and gorgeous embellishments. I’ve worn them out and about to meet with clients, and I’ve even worn some of my more ornate and formal caftans to red carpet events.

If you find yourself struggling to keep that work-life balance without giving up a bit of yourself, stop fretting about what to wear each day. Caftans are short on time and long on style. That’s the kind of outfit I can get behind!