Working out is something I struggle with every day. Being a mom has taught me to humbly arm myself with support and ask for help when I need it. I’m grateful for my good friend, Desi Bartlett, and all the positivity she adds to my life. I admire both her physical and spiritual strength.
Desi’s inspiring and unique classes have been featured on networks such as ABC, NBC, FOX, Univision, Hallmark, and Lifetime. Desi is passionate about communicating her message of the joy of movement with people all over the world. Her dedication to helping moms stay fit and healthy is reflected in her Prenatal Yoga DVD’s.
I needed motivation to get back into my fitness groove, and she was there to help me. Her focus comes from such a pure, passionate place, and that keeps me grounded. Working with Desi allows me to remain connected to my yoga foundations because everything she does has roots in yoga and spiritual principles.
I am very happy to announce Desi will be leading the Mothers Into Living Fit pre- and post-natal teacher training!!! She is a dynamic motivator and widely sought after international presenter and spokesperson. Her innovative approach to teaching is to tap into one’s inner joy and let movement be an outer expression of that state. This will be inspiring and informative for yoga teachers, doulas, midwives and mothers who would like to learn how to create and sustain an empowering yoga practice throughout all three trimesters and beyond.
My dad; everybody loves him. I mean EVERYONE. He’s one of those very rare people who is adored by anyone who meets him. And honestly, I see why. He’s kind, generous, mild-mannered, congenial, intelligent, wise…and every wonderful thing in between. A humble man, my dad is simply the best.
And that was a gift and a curse.
At least, that’s how I felt as a twenty-something coming into my own and trying to make my own way in life. I couldn’t help but see all that he accomplished as the bar for success in various aspects of my existence. If I was going to make it as an entrepreneur, I had to achieve a level of success near what he had accomplished. It felt impossible. I felt like I failed even before I tried anything.
Such was the same with the men in my life. I had grown up with the model of hard work, chivalry and responsibility in action. My dad worked 80 hours or more a week, only to come home and cook dinner, fold laundry or anything else that needed to be done. He never yelled, was never dramatic, and he was always the level head who looked at the bigger picture of any situation. He always did the right thing simply because it was the right thing to do. Anything below the bar of all my dad had been for me and my family would never do. And no guy ever did. I had a hard time finding anyone that fit at all near my dad’s example.
I’ve since moved into a healthier place with my expectations of men and myself, but my dad is still the bar to which I compare myself often – not because he expects me to, but because I adore and appreciate all that my father has taught and instilled in me. Even as an adult, I still want to be like him.
My dad taught me the value of quality time. Every year my father would let my sister plan trips that only involved him and her, and he would let me do the same. I remember him letting me plan a trip to New York City, where he let me order my first room service hot chocolate by myself. He took me to the opera and made a point to take me to get a princess dress, complete with a train and shawl. I remember feeling like royalty. Warm memories feeling like the center of his world will always bring a smile to face. I reflect on those moments when I spend time with my boys now. I want them to feel like I felt: that no matter what is going on in the world, I am always near, and I will always be there for them.
My father taught me to appreciate all that I have. He, an astute businessman several times over, grew up with very little and not much extra in his home. I remember listening to his stories of having to cut the toes out of his shoes because his feet seemed to grow faster than the little money that came into the house. He never let me forget that our family was blessed, and that I should always consider those less fortunate than myself.
Among so many other things, my dad taught me the importance of family. No matter what circumstances are impacting me, my mom or my siblings, no matter where we are in the world, my dad has proven that he will drop everything to be there for us. My children have that confidence, as well; Papa will drive from miles away to make sure that they are taken care of. No phone call to him goes unresponded, and no plea for advice or insight goes unanswered. It’s a security that I know many may not experience, but one for which I am truly grateful.
I can admit that I am a daddy’s girl, but I am extremely proud to wear that title. I’ve told him so many times how much he means to me, but I’ll say it a thousand times again, so he will never forget. He is my greatest teacher and loudest cheerleader. He is my rock, my everything. I wouldn’t be the person I am today had it not been for my father.
Have you ever sat in a public place and people-watched? It’s such an interesting pastime. As a mom, it’s one of my favorite things to do. But it’s not passing strangers that I watch; I love watching my kids play and interact with each other. I observe them with my parents, their father, the nanny and family friends. They’re such creative characters, but they’re also inquisitive little sponges that soak up various elements of their environment, and that includes whatever they learn from me. So as I observe them, I also check in with myself to determine if the values I hope to instill in them are being absorbed into their social development patterns.
So what are biggest values that I try to teach my boys? Well, there are three big ones for me at this stage of their development. I want more than anything to see them develop and incorporate love as a central motivation for their various interactions and relationships. Their love for each other is pretty perfect right now. I rarely see sibling rivalry. In fact, I see the exact opposite. They’re cute little shadows of each other; the oldest has always looked out for his brother, and “baby” has taken cues and he reciprocates (as much as he can). The boys express their love for mommy, daddy, grandma and grandpa in deliberate, positive ways. For the most part, they are extremely courteous, polite and carefree.
Along with love, I work to instill respect into their thought processes and interaction. It is extremely important to me that they not only respect me, but that they respect everyone. Regardless of background, abilities, gender or orientation, appreciating goodness in everyone will be a seed that I water in them until I see it sprout in their words, actions and behaviors. They will ABSOLUTELY appreciate women; that will never be up for debate. It’s a value I’m actively cementing into their character even now. The slightest hint of disrespect or out-of-line behavior with the nanny or any of their female playmates sends Mom into strict correction mode.
As a female business woman, I have seen more than my fair share of misogyny, and I unquestionably will not raise boys with that mentality. They will understand that women are equal to them, and that girls are just as capable of doing anything boys can do. When it comes to love and respect, I honestly believe that if you sow it, they will show it. These are and will continue to be the foundations on which good behavior and social values will be set.
Beyond those, I want to show my boys the importance of self-discovery and introspective learning. Their lives are a vibrant mix of cultural and spiritual backgrounds, and I want them to learn about them all to form the realities they see for themselves. I can already see that they’re getting exposure to different ideas that come from a support system that I trust: they sometimes go to church with my parents; they have culturally nurturing experiences with their dad; I take them to learning-focused places around the city that I think will promote self-discovery and wonder. Their development won’t be limited to one channel, and I love that. They will hear, see and experience various paradigms in their lives, and my hope is that they will take all of them and look inward to find what resonates within them as individuals.
Love, respect and self-discovery. With these values at the core of their development, I know I will be proud of my boys as they morph into strong men who have a keen sense of self. It is up to me to ensure that the various individuals in their support system and I nurture these principles in their lives every moment.
Because I’ll never know who will be people-watching them someday.
I’ve had conversations with some friends about the lack of good music that (a) I appreciate as a DJ, and (b) can listen to around my boys. So when I find an artist or song that meets both of those criteria, I typically open up the speakers and keep the sound system on blast with it. Such has been the case with Sigala, a producer, DJ and remixer from the UK.
Sigala’s music is full of bright chords, uptempo vibes and lyrics that epitomize happiness and love. “Easy Love” always hits the spot, with its incorporation of The Jacksons’ hit “ABC” (and you know how much I love MJ), and other tracks like “Sweet Lovin’” and “Give Me Your Love” follow suit with similar dance feels. His songs are great for morning wake up time, cleaning, playing with the kids or simply riding bikes on the beach. If you’re not familiar, I encourage you to check him out and add his music to your daily playlists.
Sigala’s music gets my family going throughout the day, but I’m curious about artists and songs that spark motivation and happiness for you and your family. Let me know in the comments below; I’m always open to hearing new artists and adding positive music to my playlists!
If you’ve been following my blog, you’re probably aware that I was adopted at birth, transracially. I’ve shared my story in hopes of helping my readers get to know a little more about what makes me, me. I’m so grateful for all the books that talk about what it means to be adopted, and what it means to be family. Here are a few that might be of interest to you and your little ones who are adopted, and even those who are not.
“Tell me again how your wish came true.” I love this book in particular because a little bear named Barley’s favorite pastime is cuddling up to his Mama and asking her all about how they became a family. He’s curious about wishes, as he’s never wished for a “somebody” before. He asks her all sorts of questions that feel genuine to those a kid would ask, helping parents with difficult inquiries from their children on the topic.
This is a heart-warming tale about family sees Choco go on the hunt for a mother. He asks all kinds of animals, ever-hopeful that he will find a mother. He never even thinks to ask one in particular, assuming they were far too different for her to be his mother. The ending teaches Choco (and your little ones) that families come in all different colors, shapes, and sizes, and that love is what defines them.
Little Fox has a nightly ritual that involves asking his mother about how they came to be. He asks her about the day he came home, and she answers him with loving tones and honesty. He even asks things like, why he couldn’t stay with the mother who had him, and if Mama Fox was “lonely for [him]”. It’s endearing and beautiful, with illustrations that aren’t too shabby, either.
Explaining adoption to a little one can be a challenge. Books like these help explain and illustrate some of the more difficult questions in ways they may understand. Do you know of any other books that might help broach the subject with kids? I’d love to hear your suggestions in the comments.
As a woman with white and black biological parents and white adopted parents, I understand how difficult it can be to feel like you “fit in” anywhere. Often, children who are of mixed racial backgrounds feel pressured to choose a side or to identify in a way that doesn’t feel authentic and true. Sometimes it isn’t the child who has an issue at all; it’s the rest of the world. Others have difficulty understanding the foundational (and sometimes cultural) aspects that play a part in making a person who he/she is. In the midst of what can be confusing, it’s important to never lose focus of loving yourself and who you are inside. Here are a few books on a subject near and dear to me.
Jay and Nia are twins who explore what it means to be of mixed ancestry. I love this book because the twins tackle questions with confidence and strength: “When I go to school, I get asked funny things. Like, your hair is bendy like curly, wurly straws. It is not straight like Sally’s or thick like Lenore’s… I say, I am all these things and so much more. I am all things fine and fair and coarse. And beautiful brown.” I love that the book focuses on loving who you are and having pride simultaneously. Great read.
One of my favorite books, this is a story poem which reads with a cute sing-song cadence kids will love. It follows a family doing regular family things, but it has a strong emphasis on celebrating all racial colors and hues. The illustrations are in beautiful watercolor and will fascinate any child while driving home the message that we’re all beautiful and different, and that’s what makes us special.
With a short and rhyming text, this book tells the story of a little boy who loves to “go fast!” He’s always on the move, and he has lots of questions. He has wild and curly hair and recognizes that when he’s with his mom and dad of varying hues, people look at them funny and ask questions. It’s a story about acceptance and love. So charming!
We moms all pretty much have the same goal. We want to raise smart, independent, well-mannered and good-hearted children. We want them to grow up in loving households feeling empowered and ready for all the world has for them later in life. Within all of this lies the concept of child autonomy and its role in children’s development. Should children be given choices early on in life? How much is too much choice? These are all questions parents mull over as they attempt to raise healthy kids with ambition and drive.
Before you became a mom, it’s likely that you had more than a few expectations about the way you would parent. Think about all of the things you said you’d never do. Now compare that list to the more realistic version of your current parenting style. You never know how you’ll respond to things until you’re faced with them. I would love to believe that giving my children choices about everything in life would lead to well-adjusted, self-sufficient humans ready to take on the world; but that isn’t sensible, and sensible is mandatory when you’re a mom!
Here is perhaps an unpopular opinion in the mommy world: I think most kids are given too many choices at too young an age. I honestly do. I think you set the kids up to rule the house and take over in ways they’re simply not prepared for when there aren’t clear parameters for what they can and cannot decide. An author by the name of Dr. Harvey Karp is well known for his “Happiest Baby” series of books and DVDs. In them, he suggests thinking of babies and toddlers as little “cavemen.” (The image that conjures up in my head is hilarious.) While I don’t literally see my kids that way, Dr. Karp’s take on boundaries offers some gems.
The fact is, young children aren’t equipped with the knowledge to select perfectly balanced meals or seasonally appropriate clothing each day. They depend on their parents and guardians to help them with basic survival needs and skills. So, because I realize that having a choice in matters gives my sons the feeling that they are in control of certain things, I offer them the “right to select.” For an example, I put bowls in front of them, each with a different fruit, and I give them the right to select which they’d prefer to eat with dinner. I choose beautiful clothing, assembled into a few different outfits and give them the right to select which they want to wear that day. Now, do they get to put on shorts and a tank in super cold weather? Absolutely not. I recognize that this is where my role as their mother comes into play, and I exercise my right to overrule things that won’t be good for them.
It is important to note that there are instances in my household when “because I said so” is applicable. In some mommy circles this is almost a cardinal sin, but in mine, it depends on what’s taking place in that particular moment. I have two boys, and when I’m helping one and see the other doing something that could be dangerous, I’m not offering him a choice to cease—I’m demanding it. In that moment, he doesn’t have to understand why; he just has to obey so that he lives to see the next moment! “Because I said so” in my household looks like 1-2-3-Magic. It may look different in yours. I realize that this doesn’t always work for every 2017 mom, but I find that establishing respect is important. My sons know without question that I love them, and that comes with understanding mommy makes decisions that keep them safe because I know best. Chaos isn’t a regular occurrence in our lifestyle, and I think this is a big reason why.
Maintaining an amount of order and authority in my home is important, but it isn’t because I seek to rule over my children. I want to keep them safe and be a guiding force. It is important to be as soft as you are hard. Providing my children the opportunities to make decisions regarding their lives is significant in many areas. I want them to choose the creative elements that speak to them: the books, the colors they choose to paint with, even the kiddie shows they’re interested in. I respect that they’re little people with opinions and tastes. I am just careful never to forget that their growth and development has to be nurtured by me. So for now, their choices are a bit more controlled than they realize, and we’re all happy with that.
It’s the second leading cause of death in the United States, and it has plagued the lives of so many people in my life. Both of my great-grandfathers dealt with it. So has my mother. Some of my friends in college lost parents to it. It’s a societal nuisance that seemingly just won’t go away.
It’s cancer. And I hate it.
Cancer seems to be one degree away from personally impacting most everyone. The statistics about its impact on society are staggering. But one of the most heartbreaking facts about the disease is that there are over 40,000 children in America battling cancer right now. Over 13,000 kids are diagnosed each year, and that number is rising.
Out of all the various organizations that help support various forms of cancer, I rarely hear about kids cancer. In fact, I was shocked to find out that only 4 percent of the National Cancer Institute’s budget goes to any kids cancer research. I really began to question and research what support would be available if, God forbid, my boys were ever diagnosed with cancer. In my quest to find a glimmer of hope, I found Larry and Gretchen Witt, founders of Cookies for Kids Cancer.
The Witts started the organization after unfortunately losing their 6-year-old son, Liam, to childhood cancer. Because there was very little funding for pediatric cancer, and consequently no effective treatments for their son, they vowed to increase efforts to raise money for research. 96,000 cookies and over $400,000 later, Cookies for Kids Cancer has greatly impacted the global perspective of childhood cancer research efforts.
Liam would have been celebrating his golden birthday this year: 13 on May 13th.I love this organization because it helps an overlooked but extremely dear part of our society: our kids suffering from cancer. I support Gretchen Witt because she is a mom who lost her child, and my heart goes out to anyone who has ever endured such a tragedy. I also support this venture because it is put together with and by the community. I get so excited when I see the best parts of our global society, and talking to Gretchen earlier this year allowed me to see that our national community, from L.A. to New York, has risen to help her and every family who has been impacted by kids cancer. I am so honored and proud to be in that number.
The scientific community continues to discover things every day. With the funding efforts of every Cookies for Kids Cancer event, more will be done specifically in the realm of cures and prevention of pediatric cancer. I am extremely hopeful, and I am standing with them.
Liam would have been celebrating his golden birthday this year: 13 on May 13th. Every dollar raised in May is being MATCHED, up to $100,000,
thanks to a generous gift from the Smith Family Foundation.
How does one define motherhood accurately, sufficiently and wholly? Moms come in assorted ages, sizes, backgrounds and careers; yet, every single one of us shares something beyond simply raising children. We share a power, an energy, that was passed down from our grandmothers to our mothers, and from our mothers to us.
Marion C. Garretty said, “Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible.” Often, it isn’t until after you become a mom that you realize how capable and dynamic you really are. You gain a newfound respect for your own mother, realizing that it was her effort and sacrifice that led to a generational harnessing of maternal power and empowerment. Now that’s a definition we can get behind! It’s comprehensive. It’s enveloping. It says it all.
Gone are the days of single image representation for “mom”. For some, motherhood now embodies entrepreneurship, breaking glass ceilings in corporate settings and solidifying a legacy for their children. Other moms find purpose in readying home-cooked meals for the family. Still, others spend hours attaining degrees in higher education. Mothers aren’t one-dimensional caricatures; we are women taking the reigns of our own lives and defining “mom” in ways that fit us as individuals. This Mother’s Day, we salute you, moms, whether you are wielding a briefcase, baking dish, biology book or baby bottle.
We’re standing with the moms grocery shopping with oversized shades hiding dark circles, putting in extra hours starting their own businesses, saving binkies from hitting dirty floors, calming toddlers in the middle of public tantrums, slaving over hot stoves or ordering take-out after a long day at the office, checking under beds for The Boogieman and putting cartoon Band-Aids on tiny boo-boos.
To all of the Super-Moms of the world somehow keeping it all together and making it appear effortless, we raise our MOMosas high and toast to you. We are grateful to have you along with us on this Mom Life Yo journey, and we honor you on your special day for all that you do to brighten the lives of everyone around you.
Happy Mother’s Day from T and Breegan!
With lots of love,
The Moms
Mother’s Day Brunch in Hollywood
MADERA KITCHEN 1835 Cahuenga Blvd Los Angeles, CA 90028 Sunday, May 14th 2017 11:00AM to 4:00PM
One of the best things about being an independent entrepreneur is that I get to set my own hours. That affords me time to spend with my two favorite people, my boys. Whether we’re driving, walking or enjoying the cargo bike, I love taking the kids out to enjoy all that Venice has to offer. There’s so much to see and do in southern California. Here are a few places that my kids and I love to frequent:
The Beach:
There is nothing quite like an LA beach day. The sand squishing between your toes. The clearest blue skies. The salty smell of the ocean’s breeze, the amazing sunsets against the horizon. It’s paradise for my boys and me. They love running around and being carefree, and I love throwing on a one-piece and slathering on the sunscreen. From the shops to the restaurants to the amazing sights and sounds, a day at the beach with my boys is relaxing fun.
Spa and Stay:
If you know Breegan, you know that I adore traveling. But I also enjoy a nice stay-cation when I can get one. There are so many hotels in the Venice area that allow pool access with a spa treatment, and the combination of those two is all I need to rejuvenate and refresh! I can relax with the little ones poolside and let them enjoy splashing around.
Santa Monica Farmer’s Market:
The Farmer’s Market is the perfect place to bring your family especially if you have children. There’s such a spirit of community and support each time we go. I really appreciate the organic food options that many local merchants offer, and my boys do, too (though their appreciation is linked to the snacks and local hummus they gobble down). At the Farmer’s Market I can get entertainment, do grocery shopping, and pick up fresh flowers all in one place. Plus, on occasion, we get a chance to watch people practice acro-yoga. It truly is a one-stop shop we all enjoy!
So these are just a few of the places my family loves to visit. Where do you take your kids for city adventures? I’d love to read your answers in the comments below.
